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What possesses people?! I hope you asked her the very same thing. Whether or not she was pregnant. Ugh.
February Chat (Feb DDC)
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Tee, I was so flustered that I'm not sure what I said!
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In a way, you did get it off your chest already by sharing it with us.
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If this had happened to me, I probably would've been shocked into silence and then spent the rest of the day coming up with awesomely snarky comebacks I could have used. I can't imagine what would have possessed her to say such a thing. May she never regain her pre pregnancy weight (kidding...kind of).
I had an uneventful 38 week appointment as well. There isn't a whole lot to talk about, no issues or anxieties, so we just end up chatting about whatever. It was a beautiful day, so we sat outside - it was like a lovely little date with my midwife and her apprentice. I really adore my midwives and will miss seeing them regularly. I'm a little sad that the one I am closer to (though I trust them equally) will probably be out of town when I deliver, unless I go way post dates. Oh well.
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Being small during pregnancy is nothing to be proud of. I would never scold someone for it, obviously, but I just don't think it's something to boast about. If she's doing that, then she has a serious insecurity that she is trying to make herself feel better about. I would just ignore her. She's a product of our horrible culture of anorexia worship. Being thin isn't the goal, being healthy is.
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Totally agreed. People like to say "Oh, you're so small!" as this fantastic compliment somehow, and it has always bothered me because a) no, by the end of pregnancy I'm really not; not fishing for a compliment here, I am just genuinely not small and b) small ain't all that healthy, so who'd want to be anyway?
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I would prefer people just wouldn't comment on my size at all. Previous history with an eating disorder makes me especially sensitive, but I don't really see a reason for anyone to comment either way. I'm already steeling myself for the inappropriate questions and comments about postpartum weight loss.
Ugh, it amazes me what strangers will say. Yesterday at lunch at my office cafeteria, a lady that I see around but do not actually know shouted from the next table over to ask when my due date is. She then went on to say that the baby has really dropped and that I have "exploded" in the last month. I haven't even thought about comments regarding postpartum weight loss. Are people really that insensitive?
I am tired today after waking up at least twice last night feeling such low and intense pressure that my first thought was that the baby was about to come out. It really felt like my pelvis was getting pushed open. I reached down to feel if my pants were wet, and they weren't, so I went back to sleep. And then I ended up working nearly 12 hours today wrapping up a last minute project revision. I am not really supposed to be doing direct work right now, just training and overseeing the work of a couple people since we don't know when I just won't show up for work the next day. It was kind of nice to have some real work to do, as some days have been kind of boring at work lately, but working until almost 9 pm wasn't in my plan for the evening.
bren, I personally wouldn't do that long of a trip in the car at this point. How would you feel about going into labor in Dallas and having the baby while you're there at an unfamiliar hospital? At one of my earlier midwife appointments, I asked about travel restrictions since I was traveling for work, and she suggested that I not be further than an hour from the hospital starting around 35 weeks. Probably wouldn't hurt to call your midwife and ask what she thinks.
I am tired today after waking up at least twice last night feeling such low and intense pressure that my first thought was that the baby was about to come out. It really felt like my pelvis was getting pushed open. I reached down to feel if my pants were wet, and they weren't, so I went back to sleep. And then I ended up working nearly 12 hours today wrapping up a last minute project revision. I am not really supposed to be doing direct work right now, just training and overseeing the work of a couple people since we don't know when I just won't show up for work the next day. It was kind of nice to have some real work to do, as some days have been kind of boring at work lately, but working until almost 9 pm wasn't in my plan for the evening.
bren, I personally wouldn't do that long of a trip in the car at this point. How would you feel about going into labor in Dallas and having the baby while you're there at an unfamiliar hospital? At one of my earlier midwife appointments, I asked about travel restrictions since I was traveling for work, and she suggested that I not be further than an hour from the hospital starting around 35 weeks. Probably wouldn't hurt to call your midwife and ask what she thinks.
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My powers been out for two days. It just came back on. I woke up on Sunday night to the pitch black and my 10yo puking on the floor. Luckily I have the best dh who went and took care of him, and it was just a one time barf, and no one else has gotten sick yet. Fingers crossed. One downside to kids who haven't had stomach flu much, they never make it to the bathroom.
I've got some fun catch up reading to do here!
I've got some fun catch up reading to do here!
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That's so awful! Hopefully no one else gets sick. I can't imagine all that crazy!
Happy reading !
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I'm in such a funk. I went from super high energy on Monday to a big lazy ball of mush today. My friend brought her 3 month old over yesterday and spent the whole day with me. I didn't like the way I felt. He's so cute and sweet and I loved cuddling him but he was also really fussy and it was making me nervous like maybe I'm not ready to be a mom. I have such high expectations for motherhood and that makes me really nervous. We went out to dinner with DH and the baby kept crying and I just kept thinking "wow I'll never be able to go out to dinner again." And to make things worse DH told me he felt annoyed every time the baby fussed. I know we sound like that annoying couple that has no idea what it's like to have kids but we kind of are *that* couple. It's gotta be different when it's our own baby though, right?
At the same time I really can't wait to meet the baby and I'm getting really annoyed at the thought of being pregnant for another 4 weeks potentially. He keeps turning from anterior to posterior and back and he won't make up his mind, I'm having contractions every day that lead to nothing, I feel out of touch with my body. I really just need to turn inward and try to find some peace in all of this.
At the same time I really can't wait to meet the baby and I'm getting really annoyed at the thought of being pregnant for another 4 weeks potentially. He keeps turning from anterior to posterior and back and he won't make up his mind, I'm having contractions every day that lead to nothing, I feel out of touch with my body. I really just need to turn inward and try to find some peace in all of this.
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Oh, Bren, you and I sound like we are in such similar places. I told my husband last night that I'm not afraid of labor. I'm afraid of all that comes after. I still feel very little excitement over having the baby, and I am having a lot of trouble feeling any kind of ownership over this unborn child. It's almost like I'm pregnant with someone else's baby. I'm worried that when he's here I'll still feel that way, and that I won't have that overwhelming feeling of love, and that I might even feel resentful.
I've never even held a baby before. This is all so new and intimidating for me.
I've never even held a baby before. This is all so new and intimidating for me.
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It is a very big transition going from zero children to one, that's for sure. It is hard to go from doing whatever you want when you feel like it (eating at a restaurant, going to a movie theater, etc) to not being able to do anything without a lot of planning and trust in a care provider. It is a huge adjustment.
I was never much good with kids, even though I was the oldest and had little brothers. I just didn't like kids at all. I still think they're cute, but I wouldn't choose to work with them full time. But it is definitely different when it's your own child.
I think both of you (Bren and knittygritty) are way more prepared than I ever was just by being here in this forum talking about all of the things your going through and how important it is to you to be a good mom. So you've got that going for you. It is a relationship that will develop between you and the baby. It doesn't happen immediately every time, sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it is instantaneous and you just fall in love instantly. You never know how the timing will play out, but you can rest assured that the love will be there stronger than it has ever been for anything else in your life. It's pretty amazing.
I was never much good with kids, even though I was the oldest and had little brothers. I just didn't like kids at all. I still think they're cute, but I wouldn't choose to work with them full time. But it is definitely different when it's your own child.
I think both of you (Bren and knittygritty) are way more prepared than I ever was just by being here in this forum talking about all of the things your going through and how important it is to you to be a good mom. So you've got that going for you. It is a relationship that will develop between you and the baby. It doesn't happen immediately every time, sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it is instantaneous and you just fall in love instantly. You never know how the timing will play out, but you can rest assured that the love will be there stronger than it has ever been for anything else in your life. It's pretty amazing.
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Oh bren and knitty - that all sounds so familiar, I think it's all pretty common first time mom stuff, not to sound dismissive. It's a huge transition. I remember that the evening routine with DH pre-baby was to find a movie, spoon on the couch together and fall asleep. I had a huge meltdown one night realizing that we probably weren't going to be doing that once the baby came. Or going to the movies every weekend, or having sex multiple times a week, or going out to dinner, or seeing our kidless friends...
It was a bit of a grieving process for our "old" lives, but new normal becomes normal and I wouldn't change it back for anything. I won't say it's going to be easy, but it is different when it's your baby and they do tend to ease you into it a bit. Newborns sleep a LOT. They're sturdier than they seem. Some are fussier than others, but you figure it out. There's a lot of opportunity for trial and error.
I'm having some parallel feelings about introducing a second child. My 4yo is and always has been very high needs, very demanding of attention and physical affection, and I worry about being touched out with him and a baby both on me all the time. Hell, I'm touched out now. I worry about him feeling rejected by the inevitable boundaries I'll have to introduce, the inevitable acting out, when he's already so highly emotional on the best of days. And how will DH fare, because he's the one who will really get the short end of the stick when I'm spread thin.
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It was a bit of a grieving process for our "old" lives, but new normal becomes normal and I wouldn't change it back for anything. I won't say it's going to be easy, but it is different when it's your baby and they do tend to ease you into it a bit. Newborns sleep a LOT. They're sturdier than they seem. Some are fussier than others, but you figure it out. There's a lot of opportunity for trial and error.
I'm having some parallel feelings about introducing a second child. My 4yo is and always has been very high needs, very demanding of attention and physical affection, and I worry about being touched out with him and a baby both on me all the time. Hell, I'm touched out now. I worry about him feeling rejected by the inevitable boundaries I'll have to introduce, the inevitable acting out, when he's already so highly emotional on the best of days. And how will DH fare, because he's the one who will really get the short end of the stick when I'm spread thin.
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I also think it's normal to feel that way. At least it was for me. I don't generally like other people's kids, but I love mine. I'll be honest, it took DH and I some time to love our new life as parents. Granted, our first baby had colic and was very difficult, but still... In some ways, I don't think we became comfortable and thoroughly happy about having kids until our second child was a few months old. Not that we hated having kids or didn't love our daughter- we just didn't fully embrace it until #2 . So it took a little over 2 years. I'm sure if dd had been "normal" it would have been different. If the stress factor (extended colic and certain autism-like traits) had been removed it would have been easier. I hope that doesn't make us sound terrible!
We love having kids now. Love it! They are a lot of work but they bring a lot of joy and a whole new beauty and depth to our relationship with each other.
I think it's good you are being open and honest with your feelings! Keeping it inside is not a good idea.
We love having kids now. Love it! They are a lot of work but they bring a lot of joy and a whole new beauty and depth to our relationship with each other.
I think it's good you are being open and honest with your feelings! Keeping it inside is not a good idea.
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Ditto this. Yeah, being peaceful is all good, but sometimes we gotta be real and that process of facing our fears is valuable and courageous.
Look, a crying baby can be REALLY annoying! Thing is, It's ok to feel annoyed - all parents feel annoyed and overwhelmed at times by their (and others') kids. Doesn't mean they don't love them or are somehow bad parents. Let's be honest, parenting is HARD, emotionally demanding, and all encompassing work... But it is can also joyful, meaningful and satisfying. I say can be, because I think if we pressure ourselves too much, or try to attain superhuman status, we rob ourselves of being present with whatever is happening in the moment; the good, the bad and the ugly - because it's all part of it.. So we have to make it a point to be gentle with ourselves (not easy in a culture that perpetuates all kinds of myths about motherhood): uncomfortable feelings will inevitably come. No need to judge them (or ourselves), just notice em and they eventually pass. We have to learn ways to tolerate the hard feelings that come up - which ultimately is what we are tasked to teach our kids too. So there's a design behind this dance. Also we're tasked to find realistic balance (which will change as the little one develops and gains increasing independence- yes you will go out to dinner again, but maybe less often and depending on his temperament, when someone is watching your baby/child for you). Also, time for self care (realistic for where we're at - it'll look way different when baby is 6 weeks than 6 months or 6 years) is SUPER important.
In some ways I have the benefit of spending 20 years working with kids and families before having my own, which offers me some insights. But that won't make it easier. It's just going to be hard (see labor trains us for it). Not to mention, my 39 year old brain is pretty darn hard wired. Younger moms have the advantage of being more adaptive and flexible to the changes of new motherhood. Trust that in yourself (and pray for me
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Yes to everything forest said! I hate the myths of parenthood that our society spins. The pressure to be super mom is ridiculous! Things like facebook and Pinterest don't help this either- and most of the time it's a false image that's presented.
Crying and fussy babies can really suck. I remember when #1 would cry and cry and I would eventually have to put her down and walk away because I was feeling so...angry I guess. I would never hurt any of my children but a crying baby can inspire some pretty strong feelings. I felt like a rotten mom for feeling that way. Now I know better- it's NORMAL. Parents don't talk about it because it makes them look bad. It wod be better to just admit that some times things suck.
Crying and fussy babies can really suck. I remember when #1 would cry and cry and I would eventually have to put her down and walk away because I was feeling so...angry I guess. I would never hurt any of my children but a crying baby can inspire some pretty strong feelings. I felt like a rotten mom for feeling that way. Now I know better- it's NORMAL. Parents don't talk about it because it makes them look bad. It wod be better to just admit that some times things suck.
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Can I get an "Amen" for ForestLover and Cagnew? I personally really struggle during the baby phase of my childrens' lives. I had a colicky babe, and when my other baby would have a seizure she'd cry for hours on end. Those were dark days and I made sure to post the pretty pictures because it reminded me that I love them and it isn't all bad all the time.
I have to remind myself that this too shall pass and for me infancy is trench work. I LOVE my kids and I'm not saying things are miserable. But knowing this is hard and this will either end or transform helps. With my first I had no concept of time-- I thought the colic (then the teething, then the tantruming) were indefinite.
When feeling worn out I just tell myself that changing diapers, wiping noses, kissing imaginary boo boos, and letting a tiny thing scream in my ear all night while I just hold them is loving them in the stage they're in. One day, they'll love me back and if I'm lucky they'll get to hold me, too.
I have to remind myself that this too shall pass and for me infancy is trench work. I LOVE my kids and I'm not saying things are miserable. But knowing this is hard and this will either end or transform helps. With my first I had no concept of time-- I thought the colic (then the teething, then the tantruming) were indefinite.
When feeling worn out I just tell myself that changing diapers, wiping noses, kissing imaginary boo boos, and letting a tiny thing scream in my ear all night while I just hold them is loving them in the stage they're in. One day, they'll love me back and if I'm lucky they'll get to hold me, too.
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We have been very fortunate so far that we have not had a difficult baby yet. We love the newborn baby, it's our favorite! However, I have no real affinity for holding other people's babies, or for other people's kids, really. Since I can't spend the kind of time with their peoples kids that I can with mine, I don't feel like I know them well enough to enjoy being around them. I love my own kids, but they get on my nerves enough on their own without their friends and cousins hanging around.
In other news, I woke up at 5am for no reason in particular, was hungry, and couldn't go back to sleep. I seem to have new kind of soreness since I went to bed last night that involves the uncomfortable stretching of those front ligaments under my belly, but the pain now extends all the way down to my labia/front pubic bone area. As you can imagine, it's totally awesome, and when I woke up and tried to move and felt it all I could think was "what fresh hell is this!?" Maybe it means baby dropped further! I sure hope so. I'm bored. And tired. And I want to hold a baby already!
Hope you all are doing well and your labor pains turn productive soon!
In other news, I woke up at 5am for no reason in particular, was hungry, and couldn't go back to sleep. I seem to have new kind of soreness since I went to bed last night that involves the uncomfortable stretching of those front ligaments under my belly, but the pain now extends all the way down to my labia/front pubic bone area. As you can imagine, it's totally awesome, and when I woke up and tried to move and felt it all I could think was "what fresh hell is this!?" Maybe it means baby dropped further! I sure hope so. I'm bored. And tired. And I want to hold a baby already!
Hope you all are doing well and your labor pains turn productive soon!
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Ah yes, parenting. We are all so different and our kiddos are all so unique. I love the baby stage. 0-2 is my favorite. I feel like I can handle a baby's needs and deal with crying babies, and love all babies. It's after that I struggle with. I feel most challenged by the 3-8yo set. When they start verbalizing their wants, and are so demanding. And I just plain suck at disciplining. My 6yo challenges my patience everyday, and most days I feel I'm failing him. Anyway, point is, maybe you'll love the baby stage and be challenged by the teenage years, maybe the baby stage will suck and you'll get your groove after that. It's all a learning, growing process!
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