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DON'T. TOUCH. THE. BOOKS. ON. MY. SHELF! These are your books, we take them down one at a ti... NO DON'T PULL THEM ALL OFF THE SHELF! NO DON'T STAND ON THEM! YOU HELP ME PUT THESE BOOKS BACK RIGHT NOW! NO IT IS <b>NOT</b> FUNNY, G*DDAMNIT! AAAAAARGH!
 

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Here is a common conversation between my five year old and me...<br><br>
"Can Mackenzie come over and play?" (4th or 5th time asking this)<br>
"Trevor, what does NO mean?"<br>
"But MOMMY wait, I want to tell you something...If you let Mackenzie come over, I'll let you have a friend over too"<br>
"Trevor, I said NO. No means NO!"<br>
"No mommy wait. I just need to tell you this...if you let -"<br>
"TREVOR I said NO!! Now stop it!!"<br>
"Okay mommy...but MAYBE Mackenzie can come over okay? You think about it...just think about it."<br>
"TREVOR I ALREADY SAID NO!!!!"<br><br>
At this point what I would LIKE to say to him is "MY GOD MY EARS ARE GOING TO START BLEEDING IF YOU KEEP WHINING AT ME!!!!! I FEEL LIKE LITTLE WORMS ARE EATING THEIR WAY THROUGH MY BRAIN!!!! YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY...WHEN MOMMY ENDS UP AT THE FUNNY FARM IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT YOU LITTLE TWERP. I'M WALKING A REAL FINE LINE BETWEEN SANITY AND INSANITY AND YOU ARE GONNA PUSH ME OVER THE EDGE!!!!<br><br>
But I don't...so I am saying it here!! :LOL Oy, kids!
 

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PLEASE SLEEP LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN AND STOP WAKING UP 58575909 TIMES A NIGHT I CAN"T STAND IT WHEN I HAVE TO NURSE YOU BACK TO SLEEP EVERY HOUR YOU ARE A YEAR AND A HALF OLD, YOU. KNOW. THE. DEAL!!!! SLEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!<br><br>
OMG MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE IF YOU DONT STOP PUSHING THE TV BUTTONS AND I WIll imPLODE IF YOU DONT STOP WHINING FOR MI MIS EVERY FIVE SECONDS JUST BECAUSE IM SITTING DOWN<br><br>
AND IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK TO LET ME BRush YOUR TEETH ONE DECENT TIME A DAY WITHOUT FREAKING OUT<br><br>
AND WHY WHY WHY DO YOU KEEP GRABBING STUFF OFF THE DESK/TABLE/SHELF/HAMPER AND HURLING IT IN THE FLOOR YOU SEE ME PICK IT UP< YOU KNOW IT DOESNT GO THERE WHY? IM SICK OF SAYING MAYA PLEASE LEAVE THAT THERE< PUT THAT DOWN DONT STAND UP ON THAT<br><br>
ALSO LET ME WIPE YOUR NOSE WITHOUT RUNNING AWAY ALSO< STOP PINCHING MY BREASTS AND ALSO STOP TRYING TO NURSE STANDING ON YOUR HEAD IT HURTS ME AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT BUCK, FLAIL, AND FLOP ABOUT WITH POOP ON YOUR BUTT ITS SO GROOOOOOOSSS PLEASE BE STILL JUST LET ME CHANGE A POOP DIAPER WITH MINIMAL HYSTERIA JUST ONCE<br><br>
PLEASE OMG STOP PULLING MY BOOKS DOWN< YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE BOOKCASE FULL OF YOUR BOOKS< WHY MUST YOU DESTROY MINE NO WAIT OMG I DIDNT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD PULL OFF ALLLLLL OF YOURS AND PUT THEM INTO A PILE IN THE FLOOR THAT YOU CAN THEN STEP ON AND SLIDE AROUND AND FALL ON COMING PERILOULY CLOSE TO BASHING YOUR HEAD ON THE BOOKCASES OH LORD PLEASE STOP DESTRoYING THE APT> AND PLEASE HANG OUT WITH DADDY FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES WITHOUT FREAKING OUT HE LOVES YOU AND I NEED A BREAK> GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG G*DDAMNIT$&TW)ET(*EUTGLKSDNG:$R{&GY_X&Y_(<br><br><br>
ahhhh.<br><br>
lmao....
 

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STOP trying to pull me over to the couch to nurse when I've already said not right now. I KNOW you bumped you head, and I kissed it, hugged you, and made sure you are alright. I love you - love you - love you .... but give me ONE FREAKING MINUTE TO MYSELF BEFORE I SCREAM AT THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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STOP SCREECHING LIKE A BANSHEE EVERY SINGLE TIME I PUT YOU DOWN. YOU'RE 5 MONTHS OLD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, CAN'T YOU PLAY IN YOUR EXER-SAUCER FOR MORE THAN 3 SECONDS WITHOUT DEMANDING MY FULL UNDIVIDED ATTENTION? THAT SCREECHING IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE... FOR GOD'S SAKE I HOLD YOU, SING TO YOU, GIVE YOU MILKIES, GET UP A GAZILLION TIMES IN THE NIGHT FOR YOU. I'VE PLAYED SUPER BABY, PAT A CAKE, PEEK A BOO, ITSY BITSY, THIS LITTLE PIG, SANG EVERY SONG I KNOW, AND YOU STILL AREN'T SATISFIED. STOP SCREECHING. I HATE THAT SOUND. HAPPY COOING NOISES!! NOW!!!!!!!!! NO MORE SCREECHING... EITHER CRY OR BE HAPPY, BUT NO MORE SCREECHING!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHKKKKK<br><br>
omg, I so needed to do that... whoever thought this up is a genius, I haven't laughed so hard in months!<br><br>
April, mom of the screecher
 

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you mamas are too funny! i fear what she will be like when she's older.<br><br>
i just don't want to be pinched anymore. she pinches the skin on the back of my hands and it hurts. i'm covered with tiny nail marks.
 

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WHAT PART OF "DO NOT DO THAT" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND??????? I'VE TOLD YOU TIME AND TIME AGAIN NOT TO CLIMB ON MY FURNITURE, DISTURB THE BABY WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING, YELL, RUN IN THE HOUSE, ETC, AND YET WHATEVER IS I SAY NOT TO DO, YOU DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS IT DRIVE MOMMY CRAZY DAY??????????? AND SPEAKING OF THE BABY, WHY WON'T YOU NAP FOR MORE THAN 5 FRICKIN MINUTES AT A TIME DURING THE DAY???? I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER ARE VERY INTERESTING AND THAT YOU'D RATHER BE WATCHING THEM THAN SLEEPING, BUT WHEN YOU GET SO TIRED YOU'RE SCREAMING, THE CUTENESS FACTOR IS GONE. JUST SHUT UP AND SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
There, all better now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH<br>
DO<br>
NOT<br>
POUR<br>
WATER<br>
ON<br>
THE<br>
COUNTER!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
AND FOR CHRISSAKES, CAN WE JUST BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITHOUT TURNING IT INTO A 1/2 HOUR PRODUCTION???
 

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STOP SCREAMING AT THE CATS!<br><br>
STOP TAKING OUT YOUR FRUSTRATIONS ON YOUR FRIEND'S BABY BROTHER!<br><br>
NO I WILL NOT BUY YOU SOMETHING IN THIS STORE! I BOUGHT YOU SOMETHING AT THE LAST STORE YOU GREEDY LITTLE GIRL! NO YOU MAY NOT HAVE CHOCOLATE FOR BREAKFAST!<br><br>
STOP SCREAMING AT THE CATS!<br><br>
AND JUST. GO. TO. SLEEP. AND STAY ASLEEP. YOU ARE THREE YEARS OLD. I WOULD GIVE MY RIGHT ARM FOR A FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP. I LOVE TO SLEEP!! WHY DON'T YOU LIKE TO SLEEP?! AND WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP NEXT TO YOUR FATHER JUST ONE NIGHT? OR EVEN BETTER SLEEP WITHOUT BEING KICKED IN THE HEAD, RIBS, BACK?<br><br>
STOP SCREAMING AT THE CATS!!!!
 

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1)<br>
dd: NO! (frowning, hits drink away, turns away)<br>
me: Ok *shrug*<br>
dd: *whimper, whimper* (reaches for drink like a person dying of thirst)<br>
me: Ok, here<br>
dd: NO! (frowns, hits, turns - repeat)<br><br>
Me, in head: WOULD YOU JUST MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND?!?!?!?!? AAARRRGGHHH!!!<br><br>
2) DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE A TANTRUM EVERYTIME WE CHANGE ACTIVITIES??!!???!!?! AAAARRGGHHHH!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by mamapenelope</i><br><b>GO OUTSIDE. TAKE SLEEPING BAGS.<br></b></td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">TELL ME WHAT'S SO FREAKING GREAT ABOUT THE RIGHT BOOB TODAY? IS IT MAKING WHITE RUSSIANS INSTEAD OF STRAIGHT MILK?</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><br><br>
Okay, better late than never!!! (Although I already blew a gasket earlier today <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> )<br><br>
IF YOU GUYS DON'T KNOCK OFF THE INSULTING LANGUAGE, GET ALONG AND PLAY NICELY TOGETHER I'M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND!!!! (I've got 2 home with the chickenpox and my others are too little for school. So EVERYONE's home all week!!!!)<br><br>
Can't forget the LEAVE YOUR BROTHER ALONE WHEN HE IS NAPPING!! GO PLAY IN THE FAMILY ROOM!! THAT''S WHAT IT'S THERE FOR!!DUH!!!<br><br>
Okay, I'm feeling better! Thanks for the outlet!!
 

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NO! You cannot have speghetti for three meals a day, you may be threatening a hunger strike, but you will eat if you are hungry. You already ate speghetti today, I will not feed it to you again. There are ten other things you like to eat in the fridge right now. PICK ONE OF THEM! And NO, you can not have popsicles and donuts instead. And stop chanting speghetti over and over and over again. Good grief!<br><br>
And while we are at it. Will you please stop lounging around the house all day watching me pick up after you? When I ask you nicely to help will you please help me? PLEASE??? All I am asking for is a little help, I am not asking for you to do it on your own. I am not expecting miracles, just a little frickin' HELP!
 

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ARE YOU POOPPING <b>AGAIN</b>?!!!! I'VE ALREADY CHANGED YOUR DIAPER TWICE TODAY. WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL DADDY LEFT TO POOP FOR THE THIRD TIME? YOU COULDN'T WAIT ANOTHER HALF HOUR 'TIL HE GOT BACK! I SHOULD JUST PRETEND I DON'T KNOW YOU POOPED....HEY GET BACK HERE DON'T RUN AWAY WE NEED TO CHANGE YOUR DIAPER. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SQUIRMING EITHER.<br><br>
(hey i didn't know you could yell in <b>bold!</b>)
 

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I JUST SPENT GOD KNOWS HOW LONG TAPING LITTLE TISSUE PAPER FLOWERS TO YOUR STUPID CROWN FOR YOUR STUPID PARTY AT SCHOOL TOMORROW AND NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME YOU DON'T LIKE THEM BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A COOK??? HOW MANY COOKS HAVE PAPER FLOWER THINGS ON A CROWN??? I SURE DON'T KNOW OF ANY!!!! YOU WANT THEM ALL OFF????? <b>YOU WANT THEM ALL OFF?!?!?!?!?!</b> FINE! THERE!! THEY ARE ALL OFF! THANKS FOR MAKING ME DO ALL THE WORK FOR <b>NOTHING</b> !!!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

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kinipela, i know you're angry but still.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:
 

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IF YOU PLAY WITH YOUR F**KING HOTWHEEL CARS IN THE TOILET ONE MORE TIME TODAY, I AM GOING TO GET YOUR RIP-OFF EXPENSIVE GOGGLES AND SEND YOU SWIMMING IN THERE! YES, I KNOW THE DAMN DOG PLAYS IN THE TOILET WATER, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE YOUR LAZY ASS FATHER WON'T FILL UP HER WATER BOWL.<br><br>
GO...TO....SLEEEEEPPPPP!!!!! STOP JUMPING ON THE BED BOYS. I'M GOING TO THROW-UP! GET YOUR CARS AND TRUCKS OFF THE BED AND GO TO SLEEP. NO YOU MAY NOT SLEEP WITH JUST ONE, BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF WAKING UP WITH A HOTWHEEL UP MY ASS!<br><br>
NOOOO!!!! YOU CAN'T HAVE A TURN WITH THE POWER HOSE. LET MOM FINISH SPRAYING THE DRIVEWAY. NO, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY FIREMAN WITH THE HOSE. YOU ARE NOT ON FIRE. IF I SQUIRT YOU WITH THIS I WILL BLAST YOU INTO THE NEXT TIME ZONE, WHICH IS TEMPTING AT THIS MOMENT. GIVE ME BACK THE POWER HOSE...OKAY, GREAT NOW YOU JUST BLASTED ALL OF THE LEAVES OFF THE PLANT. WELL I <i>DON'T</i> THINK IT LOOKS PRETTIER THAT WAY...<br><br>
Ahhhhhhhh....thanks. You know it's not good to keep it all inside!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by grumo</i><br><b>ARE YOU POOPPING AGAIN</b>?!!!! I'VE ALREADY CHANGED YOUR DIAPER TWICE TODAY. WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL DADDY LEFT TO POOP FOR THE THIRD TIME? YOU COULDN'T WAIT ANOTHER HALF HOUR 'TIL HE GOT BACK! I SHOULD JUST PRETEND I DON'T KNOW YOU POOPED....HEY GET BACK HERE DON'T RUN AWAY WE NEED TO CHANGE YOUR DIAPER. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SQUIRMING EITHER.</td>
</tr></table></div>
:LOL This is my exactly the conversation I'd have with my dd six months ago with the additional..<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><br><br>
HOW DID THE POOP GET ALL THE WAY UP THERE???!!!!! YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME BEFORE I PICKED YOU UP!!!! ITS EVERYWHERE!!!!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!! DID YOUR MASSIVE CLOTH DIAPER CATCH ANY OF IT???? QUIT SMILING LIKE YOU PLANNED THIS!!! WHY, OH WHY CAN'T YOU DO THIS WHEN YOUR FATHER IS HOME, HE NEVER BELIEVES ME!!!<br><br>
I do apologize if this is too graphic for some of you, probably not many though beings we're pretty much immune to all that fun kid stuff by now!! :LOL
 
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