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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The more I read on here about how wonderful all your home births/midwives/doulas have been, the more disheartened I get about my situation. I'm stuck with a hospital birth, I can't give birth in my home, because, well, its not my home.<br><br>
My insurance doesn't cover a midwife or doula and we don't have anywhere close to having enough money to pay out of pocket for either of them. We are going to childbirth classes to help inform ourselves a little more, but it's pretty much all the crap that you can read in any pregnancy book.<br><br>
The nurse pretty much told us everything that happens in our hospital and its everything that I don't want to have to do. I don't want to be strapped to a bed in triage the second I get there, not being able to get up or move around for the entire time I'm there. I don't want an episiomity (sp?) and my doctor kind of eased my mind about that today. She said she doesn't routinely do them and the only reason why she would is if it looked like I was going to tear into the urethra instead of the perineum. I want to be able to feel my contractions and feel when and if I should push.... I don't want vaginal exams and I don't want to labor on my back, but I don't have a choice in any of these things because of the mind set on the L&D floor in the hospital. They are also one of those hospitals who whisk your baby away immediately after birth for cleaning, weighing, etc and also for 3 hours of "monitoring" in the nursery but I want her with me as much as possible.<br><br>
Earlier in this pregnancy I had a terrible bout with kidney stones, I thought I was going to die, it hurt so badly. My body doesn't deal with pain very well so I ended up puking all over myself, my car, my boyfriend, pretty much everything/one I came in contact with. They drugged me beyond belief, I don't recall anything from my stay in the hospital. I don't want that to be my experience with this labor.<br><br>
Am I asking too much with this being my first pregnancy? Are my requests outlandish? I don't know if I'm being a control freak or if I just want to be able to have the best brith experience possible... Oy, sorry for the rant, I'm just so lost... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty">
 

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I'd seriously consider looking for a doula in training - they can help you navigate teh hospital policies and would work for a significantly reduced rate or free. Contact DONA or CAPPA and see if there's anyone in your area.
 

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Definitely look into getting a doula in training....also.... you should ask either your doctors or the nurses if their are any L&D nurses who are supportive of natural births, you will often find that there is at least one or more (depending on size of the hospital) who are very supportive and maybe had natural births themselves, often there will be one who is studying to be or planning on becoming a midwife, find out their names and request them when you get there. They can't change the policies but can help you to have a comprimise so that you guys can work within their guidelines. Also- if you have not already take classes of some sort, do hypno, take Bradley, read every book you can. Being prepared and knowing what to expect will get you far!<br><br>
****I just realized that you are in Oviedo and I am in Casselberry!!! What hospital are you delivering at?? I might be able to help you find a doula in training, I'll ask around
 

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I scored a doula in training.... my first birth will be in a hospital too. Non-medicated, no episiotomy, on my back, my side, on all fours... whatever I want. No constant fetal monitoring.. I will be able to walk around..etc. The doctor cannot make you do anything you don't want to do.<br>
Your thread sounded very panicky. Don't panic, however the birth goes you are going to have a sweet baby at the end. I would tour the hospital and ask to speak with a nurse in the delivery area. Definately make a birth plan and ask if your requests are able to be honored barring no emergencies. Hospitals aren't torture chambers (even though some here make them out to be), just be polite and firm. They just have a medical mindset when it comes to birth but the more you can handle your labor without needing them will probably make you more comfortable. If you go into labor with your current fears and anxiety you could possibly be setting yourself up for a more difficult labor. Definatley work on relaxation techniques. You are going to do great because your body was made for this and you already know what is best for your baby... congratulations on your pregnancy... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Totally agree w/ stillill! Start on your birth plan TODAY if you haven't already.<br><br>
With my first birth (hospital, 7/02/03), I drafted a very polite plan that indicated that we all were a team and that I was looking forward to having them help care for me, but that there were several things I hoped to have/not have during my time at the hospital. I tried very very hard not to be militant about my natural birth (some nurses are threatened by that -- mainly because it's their job to make you not hurt -- and make no mistake, labor will hurt. You just have to accept that it's a different kind of hurt and embrace it). Then, I took copies to my OB, my PED and the head L&D nurse. Of course there were some things I had to compromise on -- in my case, I had to agree to a hep lock instead of no IV at all, and I had to agree to wear the hosptial gown, etc. All in all, very minor things for me. When each one signed off (literally -- I had them initial it), I gave them each copies that went into my records. The pediatrician was key in my requests for after the birth. My hospital had the same routine as yours -- take the baby away for a few hours of monitoring. BUT -- it was not a POLICY. It was mainly that way because that was the way they'd always done it and the ped's were all accustomed to it. My ped agreed to let my baby stay with me the entire time, save about 45 minutes of nursery monitoring/bathtime -- and DH was permitted to stay with the baby during that. So, DS was never without a parent for the entire time he was in the hospital with me.<br><br>
Yes, I was anal about my birth plan -- but I think it truly helped me get close to the birth I wanted in the hospital. I labored through nursing shift changes, and each new nurse who came to see me started the conversation by saying, "I've read your birth plan and I understand that you want XYZ..." That meant a lot. Yes, some things happened at the hospital that I wouldn't have had to deal with at home -- you can probably expect that, although with a doula your chances are much much better of having everything go smoothly.<br><br>
This is looooong, but I hope it helps.<br><br>
Oh... and another note on the pain of labor. Sheila Kitzinger, Peggy O'Meara and Dr. Sears all have wonderful information on the pain of labor. Basically, we all feel pain the same way. It's pain! But, the difference is how we choose to interpret the pain. Yes, it hurts, but it's pain with a purpose. Learn some relaxation techniques and try not to fear the pain or tense up during contractions (which will make it hurt worse -- believe me). The more you are able to let go and relax, the more you realize that the pain is there for a reason and you just have to get through it, the better you will be able to deal with your natural labor.<br><br>
The bottom line is... don't panic. Don't fear it. With your kidney stones YOU WERE SICK. But pregnancy and labor are not illnesses.
 

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I would remember too that it's about YOU and YOUR baby! If they try to take your baby for 3 hours tell them NO! It's your baby and you dont have to allow them to do anything. It's easier said than done I know but it's worth it to get your wishes. You also might try checking out early. I had a hospital birth with my son. I let them push ME over (like staying on the dumb monitors, etc) but once my baby was born, evil mama kicked in and I was like "DONT TOUCH MY KID!" LOL I checked out 12 hours after he was born cause I wanted the heck out of there! LOL<br><br>
I would get a doula in training too. I did a bunch of births for free when I was doing my doula training. I was so excited and happy to do them when people asked me to come to their births. It helps to find one with a big mouth too that will help stand up for you! LOL
 

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I have had gall stones, I think the pain would about the same - a hard stone like object going through a tube ment to only carry liquids. Lots of pain. I was seven months pregnant with my first and got to the point of I don't care what you do just relieve the pain and vomiting. Kidney stones is a disease condition, labor and delivery is a normal physiological process. Yes a "large" head is going to come through a small space, it will hurt, but it was designed to happen. Unlike kidney stones which are not supposed to happen. There are many resources for helping you learn to relax and cope with the pain. My favorite right now is the "Birthing From Within" book or classes.<br><br>
I assume the class you took was offered through the hospital you plan to birth at. I like to know what to expect and find it easier to plan for what I know. You can use that info when you talk to you OB and ped about what you want and as other posters have said work around regular procedures in the hospital. If your OB hands you the baby at birth instead of the nurse, it will be harder to get him or her to the nursery. To me that is one of my most important parts of my birth plan that I get my baby immediantly upon delivery. So like another poster said pick and choose your battles. Take the hep-lock and 20 min of monitering in the begining might make your dr more willing to give you your baby sooner.<br><br>
I have had two unmedicated hospital births and know it can be done. The key then was talking to my OB alot about what I wanted. I am doing it in a new hospital this time and currently working on a birth plan and more importantly my fears of the new bigger hospital. You took a good first step in bringing up your fears to us and talking about them. You can do this.
 

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ditto the doula. (perhaps bradley natural childbirth classes too?) hope by now you have found one as i dare say she can help ground you and lay many of your fears to rest. sometimes bradley instructors offer doula services at very reasonable rates. if homebirth is not to be, let that go and focus on having the best damn hospital birth you can! my personal feeling on having a successful hospital birth is to stay OUT as long as possible. that way, less interventions. if your "home" isn't a good place to labor, where can you go? bundle up and hit the park maybe and then return to a shower when it gets really strong? hubby and i planned to rent the hot tub suite at the local hotel on our first, but in the end decided it was going fine at home. anything like that available? i wish you luck and peace for your journey. MANY of us had our first (and many have had all) in the hospital without medication and would not trade it for the world. i HIGHLY recommend "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth." though many of the stories are about homebirth, it is still a massive boost to your self-esteem and the knowledge that YOU CAN DO IT. your body was built to birth, regardless of location!!!
 

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Nicole, I was in your situation with my son. I told my dr. I didn't want an episiotomy, epidural, etc. and he was extremely relunctant but agreed. I labored at home for 28 hours with my dh, doula, and mom and that was a wonderful experience. I arrived at the hospital dilated to a 9! Unfortunately things did not turn out as I had hoped-his head did not engage and I ended up with pitocin, IV, epidural, episiotomy, everything I did not want. But I did the best I could. Anyway, my advice is to labor at home as long as you can then chances are you won't have to deal with as much of the hospital junk. Luckily I am having a homebirth this time! Good luck to you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I hope it's ok for me to butt in with my own question here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
When people say "labour at home for as long as possible" what exactly does that mean? My mom is a labour coach and a nurse, and she's supposed to be here by the time the babies would be coming. Would "labouring at home" mean timing the contractions and only heading to the hospital (ours is like 5minutes away -- the one good thing about it :LOL) only when active labour starts? I would love to do that, but I'm scared of being caught in the car giving birth to these twins hahaha!<br><br>
And would you still do this labour at home part if you were unsure/uncomfortable about the babies' positions?<br><br>
Just wondering....this thread is really helpful to me too, because I share a lot of the OP's issues about not having been able to plan a birth I'm totally thrilled with.<br><br>
Kiran
 

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Kiran, I followed the principles of Bradley Natural Childrbirth. Since there were no classes where I lived I got the book Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way and followed it. It is sooo late here and I am not thinking clearly but there are 3 main emotional guideposts, I forget what they call them. I told you it is late! You basically start out happy and excited, then you get serious as the contractions get more intense. The last one is basically when you feel like you absolutely cannot do it anymore and that is when you are supposed to leave for the hospital. It makes sense if you read the book. It worked for us, since by the time I truly felt like I could not go on any further we left for the hospital and I was dilated to a 9 when we arrived. As far as laboring at home if you are uncertain or uncomfortable, I would not recommend it. You need to labor where you feel safest and most comfortable because fear can really slow down your labor and make it more painful.
 

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Oh, thanks, Nancy. This is really helpful. There is no way i'd labour at home with just DH b/c he'd be too scared and it would definitely slow things down. But IF I make if another month or so, and IF my mom is here, and IF I have a labour that's ok and predictable maybe I can think about this. ACK!<br><br>
Nicole, are you having any luck resolving your concerns about your hospital birth?<br><br>
Kiran
 

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By Florida state law, your insurance company has to pay for the services of a midwife, no matter what your insurance says. Having said that, sometimes it's hard to get them to do it. Also, many times they will easily fork over money for a birthing center rather than homebirth mws though. Have you considered Special Beginnings? I used to live in Winter Park, and I think they would be pretty close to you (?). I can't remember all the geography up there! It's a birthing center run by CNMs. It's more on the medical side than I think it should be, but it's waaaayyy better than the rigors of hospital "policy." They also have staff that can deal with your insurance company, which is a relief. You could at least call Special Beg. and ask them about your particular insurance company and see what they say.<br><br>
Regardless if you're at a birthing center or a hospital, I ditto the recc. for a doula. You can almost always find a doula in traning for free who will help you during labor and help fight off hospital staff. Or you could just call around and see if you could pay for one - sometimes they do trade or aren't that expensive. It's certainly not like paying for a birth.
 

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I go to special beginnings and I think they take all types of insurance, or at least most anyway. It may be too late for a change but its worth calling. You are welcome to pm me and I can try to help you. I have asked around to see if I can find some doulas in training- no luck yet but I still have 1 more person to ask!
 

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Just wanted to let everyone know about <a href="http://www.bellywomen.net" target="_blank">www.bellywomen.net</a>--the website will connect moms with doulas who are willing to work for free because they are still working on their certification requirements.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I've called every birthing center in Central Florida. I finally got an answer as to why no one takes my insurance or is iffy about it. I have PPO insurance and not HMO, so I'd have to pay for everything out of pocket then ask for reimbursement from them. That could take up to a year, and we don't have that kind of money. (We're both 21 and live with his parents, this pregnancy was a little unplanned, but I will NEVER ket her know that)<br><br>
I was compiling a list of doulas and was planning on calling them when DP asked what I was doing. Apparently he doesn't approve at all and doesn't even know why I was bothering trying to find someone else to attend our birth. I think he was feeling threatened that maybe I thought he wasn't going to be enough support for me and all the doula was going to do is piss off the nurses at my hospital because they don't like to be bossed around. I was told by the nurse who gave us our Childbirth classes that we really shouldn't bring in a birth plan because once a nurse sees it she automatically assumes the worst about you.<br><br>
After talking to that nurse for about two hours after class, (we kept her until almost 11pm that night), she made me feel a whole lot better about a few things because my doctor is apparently more "with the times" than others whose patients deliver there also. She said I can avoid almost all interventions and if I want to get up and walk around during labor, I can, as long as I don't have pitocin. But they just have to be able to monitor me for at least 10-15min every hour. They also have birthing balls and birthing bars if I wanted them (I had no clue!). The hospital also just started NOT taking the baby away to the nursery immediately. She will be allowed to stay with me for quite some time so we can bond and initiate nursing and all that fun stuff.<br><br>
The only bad thing about the nursery is the fact that she might be gone from me for up to 2-3 hours. They have to do all their testing and give the baby a bath. She's not allowed to leave the nursery until all that is done. But, another good point to that is someone is always allowed in with her. Since I probably won't feel up to it right away, Chris can spend the whole entire time with her if need be. I just don't want her in there all by herself without a familiar voice you know?<br><br>
So, in a way, things <i>kind of</i> worked themselves out. It still won't be exactly what I wanted but I'm sure it will be the best damn hospital birth I can make it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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If your DP is feeling like having a doula is not a good idea and really wants to be the support person to help you, please make sure that he's on board with your desire for a natural birth, and also have him review some information on comfort measures during labor. Penny Simkin has a good book called The Birth Partner - maybe something like that would be helpful!<br><br>
Best of luck! I'm also planning a hospital birth and am looking forward to it.
 

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Some of the birth centers down here do that too. It *is* a financial burden. I'm actually on a payment plan with mine and won't pay them off until next August!!! I totally understand not wanting to and not being able to pay out of pocket.<br><br>
As for your DH, I really, really urge you to get him on board with your DOULA plan. My DH felt the same way yours did and I didn't get one. I so, so wish I had and I'm not going into this birth without one. If you have never been through birth before, you really don't know how either of you will react. You can present the doula to him as someone to give him a break from time to time. He may get really tired or thirsty or hungry and she would be there to relieve him just for a bit. Now if he's like my DH, he'll say he won't need breaks. That he's "the man" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and can do anything. And you'll have to just say, "I know, honey. So the doula will be there just for backup, in case I freak out and don't want to be touched by you," or something along those lines. For some reason, a lot of men understand that a woman may freak out during birth rather than understanding that a woman may want another woman around for extra support.<br><br>
O.k., I've probably talked too much and made way too many sexist generalizations. Your situation just reminded me of mine the first time through. No doula and it ended in cesarean. I really truly believe that a doula would have made a huge difference in my birth. And my DH, "the man," was just exhausted after a 24 hour labor. When they brought DD up, he actually said, "sorry, but I'm too tired to cry."
 

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I'm sorry you're feeling so panicked. We had a hospital birth with DS #1, and I highly recommend having a doula (ours was a free trainee, who also was a friend of mine) and a birth plan. I agree with others that it may be possible to convince your DP to want to have a doula. My DH thought our doula was indispensible - she helped bring stuff into the hospital so DH could stay with me the whole time, she helped interface with the hospital staff (so again, DH could be with me), and she provided first-hand experience of having given birth herself (which obviously no male DP has, no matter how wonderful he is). Also, regarding the birth plan, I think if you make it very cooperative and polite, the hospital is unlikely to be offended by it. You're just making your wishes clear, letting the hospital staff know how they can support you. And if you do encounter resistance, remember that it is *your* birth experience. I took comfort from telling myself that I'd march right out of the hospital into the park next door if they tried to force any interventions I didn't want, LOL. Best of luck with your birth!
 

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I would try again to talk to your partner about your wishes to have a doula present. Often partners are fearful a doula will take his place; as a doula, I assure the partner I could no more take his place then I could take a nurse's place of a doctor's place -- there is room for all of us and we all have our place. Plus, as the partner, he is the only one there because he loves you and it's his baby, everyone else is there to help mom and baby come through it safely, but he is there because he loves you, and that means more than anything.<br><br>
I often tell families having a doula is like having your childbirth education right there in someone else's head -- I can be your memory of what can help, what is going on, and how to handle things. And the bonus is, I also have a lot of knowledge about birth in general, alternative birthing methods, ways to help alleviate pain, coping techniques, etc.<br><br>
Assure him he has the number one spot, and if he can really meet your needs, the doula will be happy to take a back seat (or even leave if you really don't need her), but even for the practicalities of allowing your partner to get some lunch, go to the bathroom, make a phone call, having a doula can be a great benefit not only to you but to him as well.<br><br>
If you want someone to help you with a birth plan, feel free to pm me -- I often get birthplans from clients that we have to change to "nurse-ese" so as not to put staff on the defense.<br><br>
I have had great hospital births myself and am planning to have my next baby in the hospital too -- if you are strong and know what you want, the chances are you CAN get it.<br><br>
Stacie
 
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