Mothering Forum banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
122 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
<p>I'm in the middle of a divorce. He left last November and has just moved in with some woman he met online in March. And, that's right, my kids (DD 9 & DS 3) have to deal with it too since we have shared parenting. I don't care about THAT except for the impression it gives my children that moving in is a part of dating. I WANT him to marry that woman and leave me alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyway, I feel I'm wearing my friends out. I feel very alone. I live in the middle of nowhere, been trying trying trying to find a job, am struggling financially and am staring at the $1,000 bill my lawyer sent me for the work she's already done. I get so stressed ... and angry at what he's doing to my kids that I end up yelling at them and I mean really and truly flipping out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They are so stressed and caught in the middle. I just try to let them know I love them and I'm trying to do what's best and when this is all over, everyone will be much happier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We've been through mediation and now we're headed to trial. He wants the kids and wants to put them in school (they are homeschooled & this is our agreement until the end of the year when DD will be evaluated, yet he just had her give me the handbook from his local elementary school b/c he keeps talking to her about going to school).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I live in backwoods country hickville. The family court judge here believes children should be with the mother - end of story. I've been going to a counselor who has worked with this judge for years and tells me the judge will never never never not in a million years let him take the kids out of state with him and put them in school. But I still have to fight and go through a bunch of expensive mess to get there because HIS lawyer says he's got an "80/20 percent" chance of winning the kids. I think his lawyer has him figured out as the chucklehead he is and an easy paycheck so he'll tell him whatever and keep charging him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wants them all of T'giving week and I've already said no, just to be difficult. He quit paying child support this summer until it was court-ordered, quit paying my car so it almost got repossessed and now wont' pay the taxes on the house and it'll get sold on the courthouse steps in February. He makes $75k, I've stayed home for almost 10 years to raise the kids. So, no, I don't feel very cooperative.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What set me off today was an email from my lawyer that I needed to let him have the kids T'giving so I said he could have them until 4 and come Christmas, I'll let him pick them up at 2 since it's his weekend. It's little things like this that just put me down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just having a pity party, that's all. I think I'm going to be on here more because I need the support.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,186 Posts
<p>Hi, I'm Hilary, mom to three boys going through the exact same thing!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The only difference is the judge turned down motions, from my sbx, for earlier mediation and to go to trial earlier this week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm surprised the judge hasn't got an order for your sbx to pay your legal fees! My husbands accounts have just been frozen as there was an order for him to pay $4000 and he was noncompliant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This board is a good place to vent, discuss and get advice!</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,697 Posts
<p>Ugh mama, I'm so sorry. You're right to feel frustrated and angry. I dno't know if it means much to you, but you're not alone, at least not virtually.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,101 Posts
<p>Post here as much as you need!  Venting to other adults, even if it's just online, will help take the edge off. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Isn't it nice that not only can he just take off with some other woman, but turn your life with your kids upside-down in the process, and expect to be with them holidays as an extra reward.  Don't get me started.  The sense of entitlement with such men - the total lack of consequences - is astonishing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's good that it sounds as though the local judge will see things your way as far as custody goes.  And yes, if you haven't already, request that your ex pay your legal fees.  That is a very common request, especially if you've been the primary caregiver while he's been able to make money.  If you feel like your lawyer isn't representing you well, don't be afraid to look for a new one.  (Tough with no money, don't I know it.)  Hang in there.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
122 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
<p>Girls,</p>
<p>You don't know how much your words helped me tonight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And I never would have thought to ask for him to pay my fees. I thought I was just on my own. I'll put that request in tomorrow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My lawyer says to let him have the kids all of T'givng week because I'm going to be asking to move out of state for six-weeks of job training. Granted, I've made the concession that the kids would be with me two weeks, him a week, etc. I pray all the time that the judge looks kindly upon me for the sake of my kids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank you, thank you, thank you.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,116 Posts
<p>BlueHolly, do a google search to see if there are any legal clinics for women in your area.  I live in Virginia and there is this great group called Second Saturdays and it's a one time $40 fee and then after that you can come as often as you want.  It's worth its weight in gold.  They have lectures about lawyers, etc., and they also give tips on things to know.<br>
Anyway--check in your area.  Good luck.  I'm in the middle of the process after a 20 marriage and on days like today (I'm under-employed, too)--I just feel like I want to crawl under a rock and die.  I love my children, but I fear that as I get older, I'll never move up in my chosen field, and that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.  And I don't think I'm being too unrealistic at times.  Anyway...I just want to cry on days like this.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,116 Posts
<p><a href="http://www.divorcesource.com/groups/kentucky.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.divorcesource.com/groups/kentucky.shtml</a><span style="display:none;"> </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Try this link.  I don't know that it will help--but scroll all the way through as there is information at the bottom of the page.  Hang in there.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  My ex walked out on us and it was the worst day of my life.  I can't say that I love him any more--and I know that I'd never take him back in a million years....but there are so many days upon days upon days that I just look at myself and think:  how did I get here????</p>
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top