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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We've started the Speech Therapy, but a friend of mine gave me some books and info about helping your child to talk. It's very AP-oriented, so I'm happy with the suggestions, however I feel like a failure on so many levels after reading all the things I'm doing wrong.
I hurry DS along too much when getting dressed, I don't give him the opportunity to do it himself. I don't have him help me with household chores because it's easier to do myself (such a lame excuse really.)
I don't listen to him enough - I talk for him - I don't wait for him to answer me - I don't ask the right questions to help draw him out - the list seems endless.
So, in some ways I saw that my way of letting him lead the way with things were helping, but in other ways I was trying to help him too much to avoid DS's getting frustrated. I just want him to be happy and I think I've hendered his natural learning process.

Anyway, I'm going to make some changes but I had to cry on my Mommy friends' shoulders.
 

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don't take it too much to heart, i had a ped tell me that my ds was slow to talk b/c we didn't talk to him enough and we did too much for him. As if she knew what we did in our home. And it wasn't true. There is being a receptive, ap mama and then there is enabling. Something a lot of ppl get confused. You'll find your way and at least you have an idea of what direction you need to go. Congratulations for being adaptable, something a lot of parents never achieve!
 

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(HUGS) to you mama!!

Oh my, it sounds like you're judging yourself very harshly. I don't think that a day goes by that I don't mostly help or completely dress Shelby (she's a Sept 2002 baby - so she's about 27months). Household chores...help? Wha? She watches me and I talk to her about it...maybe...but she doesn't want to help really.

Hang in there. Make changes if you think you need to....but don't feel guilty.
 

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Yeah, go easy on yourself! We're none of us perfect. I'll bet you have done a better job than you realize. Kids learn a lot just from everyday life with us. I don't know how old your son is, but mine is 22 mos. and while he wants to dress himself, he still needs my help. He can get his sweatpants on sometimes but that is about it! As for helping me with chores, there are three things he likes to do: vacuum (with close supervision); "dust" (really just wiping things down with a clean rag saying, "Wipe, wipe" to himself LOL, and sweeping if you can call it that. I just let him do these things whenever he requests them. I bought him a tiny broom but guess what, he wants to use my big one!!!

I think the fact that you sought help and are getting all the info. you needs speaks volumes about the kind of parent you are. Parents who care do what you are doing. Building self-awareness about your skills and habits will change them over time. Now you know you can feel good about slowing down and talking him through various tasks. And of course there will be days when you ARE in a huge hurry and won't have time, that is normal.

So give yourself a pat on the back. Whenever any little thing, however minor goes wrong we always feel guilty as moms. But that won't help. Just keep doing everything you know how to do to help him and he will blossom just fine!
 

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I know it's only normal to take your son's language development to heart, but PLEASE don't feel like you've done something "wrong." There is always a fine line between encouraging independence and creating frustration in a little one. If the book you've read gives good suggestions for things you can do in the future, that's great. That doesn't mean what you've been doing is wrong, though, just different. Different children need different things, and your son may need more direct support in developing his language than some other children. It's not because you've done something "wrong;" it's just what he needs. You've known your son for a relatively short time (since he's young) and it takes time to understand another person's needs. Not doing things the most language-centered way does not mean you did them wrong, just differently. If it turned out that your son needed more help in fine motor skills, for example, instead of language, you would be reading a different book that told you a different "right" way to do everything!

It is wonderful that you've started the therapy, read the book, and are willing to implement some of the strategies. Good for you! The book and your SLP will help you give your son the support he needs now and in the future. Try to let go of the past and stop blaming yourself. I wish the best to you and your son.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CollegeMama
I'm happy with the suggestions, however I feel like a failure on so many levels after reading all the things I'm doing wrong.
I hurry DS along too much when getting dressed, I don't give him the opportunity to do it himself. I don't have him help me with household chores because it's easier to do myself (such a lame excuse really.)
I don't listen to him enough - I talk for him - I don't wait for him to answer me - I don't ask the right questions to help draw him out - the list seems endless.
This is probably not the reason he isn't talking yet. Everyone develops differently, and if being hurried as a dawdling toddler could have that kind of impact, well, a lot of us wouldn't be talking today!

It's a process. You give him more independence as he gets old enough to handle it. It's not too late to let him do more, and in fact it might be just the right time. You know? You aren't behind in allowing him independence!

I have to keep telling myself that anyway. My dh was a late-ish walker. We have been slow to let him do a lot of things on his own. But then we see that he is ready, and he does them on his own!

(I have been letting him help me with household chores and, uh, it is a lot easier to do them yourself! :LOL Just beware, the first time you let him help with dishes or sweeping--you never get to do them alone again!!!!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks girls! He's 28 months old, btw. I guess you all are right, that I've just learned what special guidance he needs, rather than seeing what I've done wrong.
It's still a struggle and I'm not forcing him to do things he's not ready for (not that the book suggests that I do that.) So, as far as getting dressed, the therapists made it seem like he should be able to clothe himself. He can help by putting his arms in position to put a shirt on, he can take his shoes and socks off, but that's it. He doesn't even want to pull his pants up.
So many times I've tried to get him to do things himself tonight and he points at me and says "Mama" which means "mama do it!" So, I would because I'm waiting for him to be ready to do some of these things himself.
 

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How about a dress-up doll, like the old Dressy Bessy or Dapper Dan dolls? We got one from my SIL. My ds really likes it. He's also reluctant to learn to dress himself. He can't do it yet. But he likes to practice with the doll.

I didn't realize that there was an expectation that a two and half year old be able to dress himself, though. Interesting. That seems kind of challenging to me.

Do you fold laundry with him? We do that. My guy can match socks. My friend told me that her son, who is three, still likes to fold laundry with her and to identify whose clothes they are folding.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Great ideas C.O.! I'll try the laundry thing, but right now he just likes taking the clothes from me and making a pile on the floor. If I try to pick an item up off the floor, he freaks cause I've messed up his beautiful creation! :LOL

Yeah, I think that most pediatricians and others in the medical field are in a rush for our kids to develop faster than is probably necessary. I tend to let DS lead the way, KWIM?

He said, "Ease" today for please. That's the first time he's done that. But, he used to be able to say "Dada" and now he says "Gaga" instead. What's that about?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CollegeMama

He said, "Ease" today for please. That's the first time he's done that. But, he used to be able to say "Dada" and now he says "Gaga" instead. What's that about?
They do sometimes slip and forget things. Could be b/c he is tired, distracted, or focusing on learning a new, different word or an entirely different skill. He'll get it back, don't worry!
 

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My DS is not talking at 31 mths. He is saying yes, mom, no and hey! LOL. We are going to speech therapy and they say to teach him sign language. It is working out great. Also they say to get down and play with him. I push his cars and say PUSH or when he asks for more toys, I say MORE? This is spose to teach him the word when he is ready to use it. Does that make sense? LOL.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CollegeMama
So, as far as getting dressed, the therapists made it seem like he should be able to clothe himself.
Hmm, that seems like an unreasonable expectation on their part. I know someone will probably chime in and say "my child could dress herself at 12 months!" or something, but it seems like kids are getting pushed to do somethings nowadays before they're ready.

As far as "gaga" instead of "dada", I think an approximation of the sound is fine. Toddlers experiment with different sounds I think. Sounds like he's doing well!
 

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C.M.: My gosh! Does my DS have a twin I didn't know about? From the therapy thing to the not doing much for himself to the very very limited vocabulary... I can't say that I have ideas, just a really selfish sense of relief knowing I'm not the only one. I hope that makes you feel a bit better too. =)

Get himself dressed? What are those people smoking? You know your son the best - better than the books, better than the MD's, better than the therapists. If he communicates "mama," maybe it's because he knows his limits and doesn't want to do it yet. Yet. Not never. I think it's a good thing that a person knows when to ask for help. =) *hugs*
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CollegeMama

He said, "Ease" today for please. That's the first time he's done that. But, he used to be able to say "Dada" and now he says "Gaga" instead. What's that about?
My guy first said "Dog" very clearly, but as he used the word more, and got more excited about it, it became "Gog!" I think the d and g must have some technical relationship. My ds also sometimes can say "cat" and sometimes it comes out "tat". I think this is age-appropriate, if a bit frustrating for me.

This is so obvious that I hope you won't be annoyed with me for mentioning it, but you are of course taking every opportunity to read him story books, right? My son learned some of his first words from books (e.g. quack, which he couldn't pronounce quite right, but said very early--we don't own a duck.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Captain - yes, I do read all the time. Luckily I work at a library, so I have lots of books at home from the booksale. (actually, today's my last day at the library!) But, thanks for mentioning it for the other parents who may be reading this.

Melissa - It does make me feel better to know that I'm not alone. They'll come around when they are ready and hopefully we can help push them a bit in the right direction.
 
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