[ktcl]

First I should say that I only recently decided to do CLW, and am still not always sold. DS is 3 and a little, and I just can't think of a way to wean that wouldn't be devastating...maybe that's a pathetic reason.

Anyway, lately I've just been feeling bullied by his nursing behavior. He does things while nursing that hurt me, and when I ask him to stop, he doesn't. Last week, when I repeatedly asked him to stop, explained that he was hurting me, and then tried to stick my finger in to unlatch him, he grabbed on so tight with his lips or teeth, or something that I literally couldn't get my nipple out, and it HURT! Today when I tried the same thing, I ended up getting him off, and then he was so upset that he ended up kicking me in the mouth. I think this was a mistake, but it was the violent movement of his body caused by this upset...

I just don't know what to do. How do I draw firm lines with him about how to treat my body? I feel like he is not respecting my body, and we have talked about that a lot in our family in general. It's making me question my desire to CLW, and I keep hearing a voice in my head saying, "well, this is why 3 year olds don't nurse!"

I just don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about it. DW supports my nursing 100%, in fact, probably more than I do, but I don't know anyone who's actually doing it at this age.

 

[lyttlewon]

I would tell him what you expect nice behavior to be. If he refuses this behavior then immediatly end the nursing session. Normally I unlatch Marah Jade and set her on the ground. If he throws a tantrum respond to it like you would any tantrum. Normally Marah Jade cries and I tell her she can nurse again if she is nice.

Sometimes they don't understand what nice behavior is. It may help to show them what an acceptable thing is. Marah Jade rubs my eyebrows while nursing and pinches. She knows that she cannot pinch and will usually stop and say "better momma?"

 

[SereneBabe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktcl First I should say that I only recently decided to do CLW, and am still not always sold. DS is 3 and a little, and I just can't think of a way to wean that wouldn't be devastating...maybe that's a pathetic reason.

Just wanted to add that I think that's a beautiful reason to follow your child's lead. If you think that you telling her not to nurse would hurt her and you therefore don't want to do it, I think that's amazing!

--Heather

 

[ktcl]

serenebabe...thanks... I needed to hear that right about now!

 

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

when i can't get little man off, i pinch his nose shut til he opens his mouth.

cuz he does that 'clamp on for dear life' thing too, and it is NOT OK!

 

[nicholas_mom]

I have this problem, too. I also don't want to wean because he isn't ready. So, I continue nursing ds at 3 yrs old.

What I do when I tell him to stop a certain behavior and he doens't, I unlatch him and tell we have to stop nursing now. He would throw a tantrum, but also hit or kick (if he's on my lap) or try to head butt me

: (OUCH!)

As with any tantrum that ds has that is destructive to himself or me I hold him. I actually hold him close to my body, in a cradle position until he comes down. He can't kick, hit or head butt me in this position. Anyway, usually he comes down quickly asks to cuddle the rest of the nursing session. Usually this happens AFTER all the milk is gone and then starts to do something to my nursies that hurts.

 

[Kundalini-Mama]

My son was like this at 3, very abusive. He is now 4 1/2 and a totally different kid. Very mindful of my body.

 

[Starflower]

Hmm. We've been dealing with this type of behavior a bit lately too. I'll end DD's nursing session if she hurts me and she's pretty good about it during milkies now. But she still has been rather aggressive toward me lately, sometimes shortly after nursing. Screaming in my face, hitting me, kicking, and yes head-butting. (What is with the head butting? Man she's got a hard skull. Ouch!)

We've had a lot of stress around here lately though since DH is working a lot. But I think some of it might just be that she's three and going through some more developmental stages?

Basically, whether during nursing or not, if DD is violent toward me, I'll disrupt her behavior and explain to her that I won't let her hurt me. And that I don't want her to let anyone hurt her either. I'm trying to show her that I'm not punishing her, but rather respecting myself and my boundaries. Hopefully, I am actually conveying this.

Good luck with your CLW. My DD would also be devastated if I tried to wean.

 

[courtenay_e]

Here-here! (or is it hear-hear?...) Yes, my almost 3 year old has been known to pinch, pick at moles (um. OUCH.), try to stick his fingers between my ribs, and various other painful occupations while nursing. Along with trying to balance on various objects on one foot, which when (notice I'm not saying IF?) he falls is VERY painful to the nursies...

I DO end the nursing session. I do the same thing as the above poster. I tell him that I certainly wouldn't want HIM to let anybody hurt HIS body, and I also deserve to have him respect MY body. This doesn't impress him even a little, but I'm hoping that, someday, it will have made an IMPRESSION on him, and he'll remember it when he feels like raising a hand against somebody else.

I do love him and cuddle him when he's mad/sad/frustrated that the nursing session has ended, but I do NOT immediately let him nurse...I feel like it wouldn't make as much of an impression if I just let him nurse again immediately. The last time, it made such an impression on him that the first several times he wanted to nurse afterwards, he would say, "Mommy, can I pwease nuwse? I pwomise I won't huwt you, I'll be vewy cawful, I pwomise" And he was. I'm not convinced even a little bit that it won't happen again, but I do think he's a little more mindful of my body and how he can hurt it. Even if it's only because he won't be able to nurse. I hope that one day he'll make the connection. For me, though, the natural consequences of hurting me while I nurse are that I don't want to be hurt so I don't nurse.

 

[ktcl]

Thanks for all these great replies.

I was thinking a little more about it after reading replies, and realized that the problem is sort of complicated by DS's sleep difficulties, and my desire not to disturb his going to sleep. So for example, the easiest way to get him to nap is to nurse him to sleep. If I have to end a nursing session when I"m trying to put him to sleep, I'm looking at an hour long battle to sleep. But this is more of my issue with setting any kinds of limits related to sleeping because I always end up giving in so that he'll actually go to sleep.