[JoyofBirth]

I don't know if this belongs here, but it started as a diapering conversation so I figure maybe others here have had it. I was talking to my best friend from high school (no longer as close) the other day. She is 5 months pregnant with her first baby. I was telling her of my newfound love-cloth diapers. The conversation turned to my daughter's birth, which was drug-free. I was explainging to her how incredible it was to actually feel her pass through. She said she wants the drugs. Anyway, 2 days later I got an e-mail from her about how she's going to make her own decisions and she would appreciate it if I would respect that and not judge her. I don't really feel like I was being disrespectful or judgemental. I did tell her to do her research on epidurals and such and not just take the doctor's word for it. But I don't think I was being pushy. I'm definitely opinionated, but working very hard on not trying to push people into doing something or feeling a certain way. So now I'm feeling discouraged. I only want to educate people about their options and encourage them to do their research. Stand up for their families and not just do something because somebody said it's the right thing to do. That includes me. But I'm almost feeling like I should just keep my mouth shut because I keep getting called pushy or judgemental or whatever. It's so frustrating to want to make the world a better a place when there are so many people who don't want to take real responsibility for themselves and their children and their choices. Ugh!

Sorry to vent, I figured this would be the only place I could be understood and not be accused of disrespect. Thanks for listening. And relating, if you can.

 

[Mrs Dimples]

I'm with you, mama.

Since this friend seems to have closed the door, for now, on education, at least you can console yourself with the fact that you have planted a seed in her mind. Whether or not she allows that seed to take root and grow is up to her. Gentle education is the way to go, most of the time. As long as you are motivated by love, then you really can't go wrong. These are things that you feel strongly about, and a good friend would have done just what you did. I would apologize for offending your friend's feelings, but explain to her that you mneant no harm and were just making a conversation, telling her what you did and why.

When people are defensive about their choices, they often react this way at first, but maybe if she has a little time to stew on it, she will come around. You just never know...

 

[Little Cluck]

I feel for ya! I've been in your shoes.

 

[Sustainer]

I can definitely relate!

 

[kindmomma]

I have a very very close friend who gets snippy with me whenever I talk about birth. "well shelly we aren't all as brave as you, if thats what you call it" as she rolls her eyes at me.
Anyway I just rest assured knowing that I made the right decisions for myself. I know through education and knowledge that I did what was right for ME. If we all tread on the same path the road would be worn thin.

You did what was right for you and that is what matters. Maybe you got her thinking...maybe thinking just enough to look around and see for herself the truth that is right for her

I know how it feels....I have been there. Most people get snotty out of fear and feeling of remorse for not doing things a certain way.

 

[Snazbot]

I dunno.. I think it sort of depends on the way it's presented. I know I got more "advice" than I'd ever need my entire life during the 9 months I was pregnant (poor hubby.. had to put up with listening to hormonal me vent about it. :LOL) There were people who said "This is the way that I did things and I'm glad with my choices" and I didn't mind them so much as those who put it more like "You know, you should do it this way, check into this, this really is best". I firmly believe every momma wants to do what's best for her child and her situation, and it very much exasperated me when people told me I should do it their way.. as if I hadn't been educating myself, as if I couldn't know what was best. I kept an open mind about pain medication, but I know myself, and I know that I definitely WAS NOT enjoying the labor/birth of my son while I was in that much pain, so I requested an epidural, and I'm glad I did. I do recall feeling as though all the people that said "Oh you have to do it natural, it's best for the baby" were sort of.. judging me.. without being able to know my exact situation, ya know? I'm sure pregnancy hormones don't help at all.. hehe.. and make one more touchy about things during that time, so she may not have meant to sound harsh to you or anything. She may just have been wanting to let you know she's feeling overwhelmed with advice and didn't want it to affect your friendship. And who knows... maybe once her little one's here, she'll not be able to resist the cuteness of cloth. *hehe*

*edited to add: I'm not saying you DID present it as "you have to do this".. just got off on a small rant there that apparently hadn't gotten out of my system in the past year. :LOL

 

[Ok]

At church about a month ago I was showing off C's cloth diapers to a woman who is pg (and due any day). I also have a case of disposibles that I said she could have. I talked up cloth, dh chimed in too. But I was/am really wary of being overly zealous.

Yesterday I got a Xmas card from her (a surprise in itself

) and she mentioned that she's still thinking about doing cloth.

I see that as her being open to at least letting me babble

Sorry your friend is feeling defensive. I think lots of moms, particularly first-time moms, are really conscious of how everyone from their mothers to the clerks at the store give them advice. And even when a discussion isn't "advice" its sometimes just too touchy for a pg mom. kwim? ((hugs))

 

[2much2luv]

That's so hard. I can imagine how you feel even though I have never been in your shoes. If I were you I would try to forget it and chalk it up to hormones on her part. Maybe send her an apology note saying you didn't mean to make her feel that way and then just forget it. Maybe she had a rough day and was just sick to death of all the advice being heaped upon her. I know I got TOO much during my pregnancies. Sometimes I'm sure I was seeing things in the wrong light and being paranoid so that if someone was truly being nice and un-pushy with my I may have still seen them as pushy and been offended. KWIM? Anyway, try not to take it too personally and move on. You did the right thing by sharing your experience.