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I recently had my second child. The birth of my first child 4 years ago was a very traumatic experience for me-- My dh and I had just moved to a foreign country, we didn't have a house (were staying with friends) plus, I had no control what-so-ever over my daughetrs birth (had an "emergency" cesarian-- still dont know why) etc... I also had a lot of problems coming to terms with being a mother, and a "stay-at-home" one at that. I really lost myself and I tried to find myself again through taking on lots of commitments, and really throwing myself into my new community. As a result, I was exhausted all of the time, cranky with my daughter and husband and very depressed.<br><br>
This past December, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy-- The birth experience was wonderful, and I really had an opportunity to bond with my baby before I left the clinique. Since his birth, I've found so much energy! I've decided to cut out all of my commitments, and just devote myself to me and my kids. I've been excercsing for 3 weeks now, and I feel really good. I spent a fortune on fancy face care products and have been trying to give myself a facial at least once a week. I don't want to be the wreck that I was 4 years ago. So far, I feel great. The problem is that my husband is depressed also. He is in a job that he HATES, but cant leave because he will not recieve the same salary (when we transferred from the States, he kept his same pay, which is considerably higher than the rest of his co-workers). He wakes up, takes our daughter to school, goes to work, rushes home so that he can make dinner and help put the babies to bed. He is exhausted after that (9:00PM) and just feels like crashing in front of t.v. I am so thankful for all of the things he does for us, and I feel so bad because I know that if he wasn't running himself ragged-- I wouldn't have time to feel so great! I feel so selfish about what I'm doing, but I'm terrified that if I give up any of my free time (which really isnt that much) I will fall into the depression that I was in for the past 3 years! I don't know if any of this is making any sense, but I guess Im trying to find a way to not feel guilty for being selfish just this once. But I don't want to be happy at my husbands expense...<br><br>
Sara
 

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Hey, sara. I totally know how you feel! I had the same experience with my first and second births. My kids are now 4 and 6 and things have settled down in such a huge way. You will get there, too. I am also a SAHM and I can identify with the guilt. Just know that you being home with your kids as a happy, stable, nurturing mama is SO very important! You're laying the foundation for the rest of their lives right now. Doing the domestic tasks is a HUGE job, especially when it involves raising children! As for your DH, give him all the love and support you can. If you can make some time, sit down and write him a love letter letting him know how much you appreciate all that he is sacrificing for your family. Try to help him realize that by allowing you to stay home, he is giving your children the greatest gift of all. If at all possible, rub on him (massage) when he gets home, if only for a few minutes, to help him release his stress and relax with you and the kids.<br><br>
I can't really imagine how it must feel to all our wonderful partners to be stuck in your job because you HAVE to bring home the bacon for your family. That must be huge for them, YKWIM? I think the best thing you can do for him is to be super supportive and offer him lots of love and appreciation. I always say my DH rocks the house AND pays for it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Let's not forget how lucky we are to have such awesome men in our lives that support us being SAHM's.<br><br>
I don't think you should compromise your own happiness because YOUR state of being is directly related to your children's as a SAHM. You need to be in a good space not only for you, but for them. Good luck working things out! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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As long as you are showing enough gratitude and helping where you can (without overstressing yourself), then you have nothing to feel guilty about. You being happy has nothing to do with DH being depressed. Help him without hurting yourself. If you tried to help him, but in turn started getting depressed yourself, that's not going to do either of you any good!
 
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