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Feeling guilty and a ?

437 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  SamuraiEarthMama
So I cried again today and felt so guilty. I feel like I should be happy that I have the amazing children that I have. When should I be able to just feel sad about the baby that will never be not overwhelmed with grief?

I went to a family grad party yesterday where we *were* going to tell everyone that we were PG and someone mentioned that I looked great -'have you lost weight?' I wanted to yell 'yes, I've lost 5 lbs since monday I don't feel like eating I lost my baby.'

My ? - my dr wanted to me to wait 2 weeks to miscarry. It's been 1 week and nothing has happened and I really don't think anything will. Would someone who has had a D&C tell me what happens? When I go to the office tomorrow for another blood test I'm planning on asking but I want a first hand account. Thanks.
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Kerrie, be kind to yourself. You are doing nothing wrong by grieving your loss. Of course you have amazing children......and of course you realize that. But that does not mean that you must "brush under the rug" your grief for this lost babe. I also have an amazing child, (don't we all
) a 6 year old son who knows that his stillborn sister is still a part of our family. I am so thankful for Brenny........and I still miss little Sophie like all get-out!!!!!!! One does not negate the other.

As for a D&C...I had one many years ago, and as I recall, it involves medication to dilate your cervix, then a tube inserted into your uterus to vacum out the lining and any tissue that is present. Typically, I think a woman lays on her back with her feet in stirupps, like for a gyn exam. That's the position I assumed, anyway...
. Talk to your dr. about risks and side effects.

Remember, be kind to yourself regarding your loss. Celebrate your children.....including the one that could not stay.....

Blessings to you,

Jen (painted horse)
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I am sorry for your loss mama!

I also have two other children and I can relate to feeling guilty for being so sad. I tell others that I don't have to have a reason to be sad..I just am and that is OK.
I know that it has helped me and my children to talk about our baby that is no longer with us. In fact today my oldest child, age 5, asked about his sister. So...all in is healing for me and my children to talk about our baby. Sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad. They do understand that.
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I can relate to feeling guilty mourning when I already have a beautiful little boy. But the truth is, you loved this baby too.

As for the D&C, I had one in April to remove a piece of placenta that had been retained after I lost my daughter. I went to the hospital to have it done, but i have heard of other women having it done in the Dr's office. I went in a few hours before surgery. They prepped me by doing some bloodwork and putting in an IV. THen the Anisthesiologist came in and asked alot of questions. He gave me some medicine to relax me and they wheeled me in to surgery. They moved me to the bed and gave me more anesthesia. At that point I went under and woke up in recovery. During the procedure they dilate your cervix using little metal rods of increasing thickness. Then they insert a tool to scrape out the lining of your uterus. The procedure takes about 45 minutes and is really safe. THere are risks involved of course, reactions to the anesthesia being the most dangerous. You can get an infection or even in rare cases hemorage, but it is really rare. You will probably have a tube down your throat to help you breath, but they remove it before you wake up and it just leaves you with a touch of sore throat. I was really crampy after the surgery, but they gave me some medicine through my IV and I didn't have much trouble after that. I spent about an hour in my room afterwards recovering from the anesthesia, and then as soon as I could urinate I was allowed to go home. I had some cramping, but nothing worse than my period. I took a little tylenol, and used a hot compress and I was fine. With in a few days I was back to my normal self, and I stopped bleeding after 8 days which is about normal.

I hope this helps you. Just be gentle on yourself.
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it sounds like shannon went under general anesthesia for her D&C, but i believe the majority of these procedures are done without general, or even IV, anesthesia. i was given a relaxant and pain reliever by mouth, but no injections or anything else. it was uncomfortable but not unbearable. deep breathing and relaxation helped a lot.

i've also had two natural miscarriages, and while of course they were sad and upsetting, i think they were less physically painful than the D&C.

take care and let us know how you're doing!

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