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<span style="color:#0000FF;">Hello,<br>
I am just writing because I am feeling a little hurt and somewhat discouraged.<br>
My dh and I have decided to not vax. our ds. He has had no shots as of yet. He is 18 months old.<br>
We are considering a <i>selective</i> vax schedule (<a href="http://www.lewrockwell.com/******/miller15.html)" target="_blank">http://www.lewrockwell.com/******/miller15.html)</a>.<br><br>
I am so irked b/c I was just on the phone w/ my sister. Her baby is 12 days old. I was discussing vaxing w/ her, and she told me that in the hospital, my dad was really pushing the HepB shot. He was going on about how much this precious newborn <b>"needs</b>" the shot. Then he went on about how he has sent me articles to read on why we should be vaxing our ds, and how it's not right we're not.<br><br>
Gee, funny! I've sent <i>him</i> articles, too. But he hasn't read those.<br><br>
My family does not really support me on our vaxing decision. My mother listnes and my sister seems interested, but the rest of my fmaily kind of thinks I am nuts and roll the eyes in disbelief that we're <b>"doing this</b>" to our ds.<br><br>
My in-laws are ok w/ it, but I wanted that support on my side. I feel like I need it sometimes. My father has gone against medical opinion many times. Yet now that I am doing that, he rolls his eyes at me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> It bugs me.<br><br>
Thanks for letting me vent.<br>
Anyone else in this type of situation? Anything you did to teach your family??</span>
 

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I'm not in this type of situation. No one has ever said anything negative to me -- neither strangers, nor family. My situation is different though.<br><br>
The only advice I can offer is this - don't speak to them about it anymore.<br><br>
It's not worth getting upset over. I know you don't want your side of the family to think you're nuts, but you just have to remember that it's your child and you are doing what you feel is best for your child. They're probably never going to agree with you, so it's probably best to just keep quiet.<br><br>
My younger son is almost the same age as your son and he's completely unvaxed.<br><br>
Stay confident! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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You're probably better off not discussing it with your family. When you feel like you need support, come here or talk to a friend who does support it. It can be hard to go against the grain, even when you feel strongly you are doing the right thing (and you are!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">)<br>
You won't change your father's mind. My dad is never pushy though I know he stronly believes in vaccines in general-- not so much Hep B and not chicken pox, but definitely Polio! It's not something we discuss much! :LOL
 

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I have to agree with the pp's on just not discussing it with them any longer. I am sorry you are having this trouble with them. If they feel they did well with raising you, they should also feel that you can make your own decisions, even if they don't agree. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Well my mom found out just the other day that my younger boys arent vaxed all the way. Im sure she's wondering how my 5 yr old was able to get into school <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> . I basically told her not to start an argument w/ me and that I know what Im doing. If she or my dad brings it up, I will ask if they are up to date on ALL their boosters, and then tell them of the possible dangers of the lovely flumist thats comming to our school in a couple of weeks. Can everyone say "No Thanksgiving This Year" (yes that was snarky, only because this issue is so burning my tush).<br><br>
I also gathered from the way my MIL in sounded that she assumed that once you got your shot you were good for life.<br><br>
Anyways..............<br><br>
Barb
 

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I'm sorry you are dealing with this. That is exactly why I don't talk to anyone about it. My parents gave me a hard time about co sleeping and breastfeeding. There was no way I was going to give them more stuff to nag me about. It's not anyone's business, but you and your dh. Don't let them make you feel bad.
 

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Way back when DD was very little and had just had a couple vaxes (we didn't vax on schedule and after only 5 total vaccines, we stopped completely) my MIL said, "We think the reason the vaccination rates are so low right now is because of all those homeschoolers. They shouldn't be allowed to not vaccinate just because they don't go to school." I tried to explain to her at the time that those people wouldn't be vaccinating even if they *did* go to school, but she was completely clueless and wasn't listening. But after hearing that tone of voice, I know how they feel about not vaccinating and I won't be discussing it with them at all. DH did tell me that if they started going off on not vaxing he would tell them that we never got all the shots they recommended and have decided not to do anymore at all. Hopefully it won't come up at all, because I don't believe they are the kind of people who can be educated. Sad.
 

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I know its really hard not having the support of your family. My mom was relativley supportive initially. And at the beginning, my dad and older brother were VERY skeptical of the whole nonvax thing. After a few short discussions, and the last time they put up any kind of push back, i explained that God gave me this whole, perfect baby. I told them i had read accounts of peoples children having never been the same after certain/many vaxes, and that i WAS NOT willing to take that risk. I want my baby to remain whole and unaffected by something that may possibly damage his little body. Of course i was tearing up (still the new mom emotions) and they havent ever tried to pursudae me otherwise. In fact, i think my entire family agrees with me!!<br><br>
I guess ultimatly, you have to do what you know in your heart is right for you and your kids. You have to live with the decisions you make for them.
 

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I've been in your shoes. My father volunteers at a hospital where they've saved his life on several occasions. He has a godly respect for these doctors. When he mentioned to a one or two that I was not going to vaccinate my DD, he came back spewing different things they had said. When I asked him questions in return and challenged what they said, he was, of course, silenced. But that didn't change his mind or his thoughts that I was putting my child in danger. Afterall, how could I know better than these guys? They are world-class surgeons! After a few rounds of this, he once asked "how do you know so much?" Mind you, this took a LONG time.<br><br>
This was coupled with his and his wife's obvious dislike for my AP parenting style.<br><br>
But, I'm happy to say that my father has really come around to respect my decision and be extremely proud of the job I've done so far. Last Spring we had a family gathering. He actually sat and listened to my cousin and I discuss vaccines and public health with him and he appeared to be genuinely interested in what we had to say. It was quite a moment for me.<br><br>
And as far as the AP style goes, he's amazed at how well-behaved and happy my DD is and, actually, recently commended me recently. After a nursing-in-"public" incident with a nurse at the previously mentioned hospital a year ago, he really came to respect me as an adult and a parent. I thought he'd be upset with me for making such a big deal of it. It was the opposite and I was shocked.<br><br>
So, change can come about. I'm sure he truly is concerned for his grandchild and wants you to do what he thinks is right. He's not going to care about the fact that you are the parent or that he needs to have respect for that if his main concern is the life of a loved one. I just stopped talking about it and let my dad see the results of a healthy child all for himself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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In my opinion, the issue comes down to respect.<br><br>
I think I would, given the right opportunity and when you are on your own with him, ask him how he would feel, if you were with another member of the family and criticised a position that he held, that you disagreed with. Perhaps he thinks that is okay, but I don't.<br><br>
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but if there is to be family dispute, it should be one-to-one with the people concerned but otherwise not mentioned outside of that. Family loyalty to me, should mean that no matter what the decision, all children should be loved and supported unconditionally.<br><br>
As a mother with older children, I know that can be very hard, but its the way it has to be. Because ultimately, your relationship with your child is more important than anything else.<br><br>
Parents need to realise that anything they do that splinters a family, or pushes children away, can have lifelong consequences, not so much on the children, who can make friends elsewhere, but on the parents, or "pushers-away" because they will be the losers in the end.<br><br>
I think these are some points that need to be spelled out very clearly, somehow, without creating yet more offence.<br><br>
You would think that anyone with any brains wouldn't have to be told all this. And maybe they know, but can't resist looking "important" or "pulling rank" or looking like "they are in control". None of those attributes are in the catagory of how to make family close.
 
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