[purslaine]

As some of you may know, DD (11) is a new vegan. She has been vegetarian for about 1 year. I, and the rest of the family, are omnivores.

I am feeling quite isolated about her turning vegan.

Dh is not being particularly supportive. We were searching for vegan margarine for DD yesterday and could not find any. They all contained whey. I got annoyed at the store for not stocking vegan margarine - and DH said it was fine - the world is omnivore - so why should they have to stock anything different. He went on to complain about how we were going to have to run all over the place looking for vegan food. While he has not tried to put his foot down on veganism - he does send out strong vibes that he is not happy about it.

DS teases her about being vegan. He sees it as quite freaky and is not being tolerant of her decision. He is also afraid we will eat vegan meals - he already sees our diet as having too little meat and does not want our diet to further fgo in a direction he does not like (we eat meat about half the time, his friends eat things like hot dogs and steak and potatoes nightly)

There is a family in our life whom we are friends with. I am friends with the mother, DD is friends with her DD. They do not understand this at all and are quizzing us constantly on it. Honestly, I think they think DD is wrong and I am abdicating my responsibility in this area by allowing her to do this. I know some of this comes from a place of concern (well, with the mother anyway) and I know this is none of their business, but it is still affecting the friendship a bit.

So I could use some virtual support. I am not getting any in real life.

I am sure DD could as well (she thoroughly appreciated the many people who said she was awesome in the last thread, btw!)

Kathy

 

[SundayCrepes]

What a strong, conscientious girl she must be. Frankly, I wish I had the energy to go vegan, but with 2 little kids that still need high fat diets I don't know where to start and don't have the room in my life to get educated. I am hoping that when they are older, we can all decide together to be vegans. I am hoping my kids will be like your daughter. Concerned and convicted.

Tell her (and yourself) that most people in the world are reasonable. (It sounds like in your world she is not considered reasonable.) And all great changes in human history were made by people who were unreasonable.

Keep being unreasonable. It's a good skill and it will take you far.

 

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Your ds is 13, he can cook his own meals if he wants something different.

You can also consider ordering some food online, this way you don't have to drive around looking for stuff (we get some stuff amazon).

point out to your partner that there are some people who can't eat dairy products, so stocking vegan margarine/other products is also important for those with allergies. Also your dd is 11yo, she will remember whether or not you were supportive of her choices, and that will effect her when she is older. (you could be real alarmist with it if you wanted "dp if you don't support dd she will go looking for male figures in her life that will support her. she could end up pregnant by 16 because *you* weren't supportive of her being vegan!) obviously I'm joking, but my point still stands, that being supportive is extremely important.

for the friends....I would whip up some vegan deliciousness and point out that vegan food is wonderful and nutritious etc etc. Or tell them to mind their own business and if they don't want to hear all about factory farming and animal torture from your dd then they shouldn't keep bringing it up!

eta: I think I came off more angry than I meant to. Everything I said above is kind of tongue in cheek.

 

[MountainMamaGC]

You can use coconut oil instead of margarine. Its solid in the fridge. Fleishmans makes a lactose free margarine that has no dairy in it. I am in an isolated Canadian town and we have it in our grocery store.

She is probably so happy to have a supportive mom. You and her should cook together. Make a whole bunch of freezer meals so she always has something to eat no matter what you guys are having for dinner. She can add whatever vegan side dishes (salad, veggies, etc) that you are eating to her freezer meal.

 

[purslaine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber Your ds is 13, he can cook his own meals if he wants something different. You are right-ish. He can cook for himself. I don't encourage it as it will not be nutritious - and he will not clean up after himself as well as he should. I simply will not have multiple people making multiple food for supper because, as a family, we have mess issues and I will not add to it with more and more pots etc. I have to brainstorm on this - on how to accomodate different food desires without making oodles of extra work. I may make a base and people can add to it with beans or meat as they see fit. I may cook up a lot of meat or beans etc ahead of time, so people can go to the freezer and throw in what they want Also your dd is 11yo, she will remember whether or not you were supportive of her choices, and that will effect her when she is older. Yes. for the friends....I would whip up some vegan deliciousness and point out that vegan food is wonderful and nutritious etc etc. Or tell them to mind their own business and if they don't want to hear all about factory farming and animal torture from your dd then they shouldn't keep bringing it up! I am not going to bother. I may end up telling them to mind there own business, though! eta: I think I came off more angry than I meant to. Everything I said above is kind of tongue in cheek. Well, you did come off as a little angry - which I understand, and somewhat agree with. I do live with these people, though (and I love them...they are not bad people....I am thinking that food choices are one of the few areas were it is socially acceptable to bug people). I know that being unsupportive of food choice is not OK - but I do not know how to enlighten them. Part of me wonders if the lack of support comes from defensiveness? Is veganism causing them to confront their own complacency around animals and what they believe? I just do not know.

This is really cool! Is it a sundayCrepe original or did the idea come from somewhere else?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lydiah You can use coconut oil instead of margarine. Its solid in the fridge. Fleishmans makes a lactose free margarine that has no dairy in it. I am in an isolated Canadian town and we have it in our grocery store. I will look for the Fleshman. She made mashed potatoes with rice milk tonight, but skipped the fat. I think she will enjoy the option of using margarine. You and her should cook together. Make a whole bunch of freezer meals so she always has something to eat no matter what you guys are having for dinner. I will see if she wants to make stuff tomorrow. This is a good idea and may cut doen on dishes/nightly quandry of "what to feed DD"

Kathy

 

[Sol_y_Paz]

I do not know how to eat properly being vegan, only vegetarian. For me, I would be speaking with a knowledgeable dietitian or nutrition if I were feeding my kids a vegan diet, as I do not know much about it. I know you are doing a lot of research and taking her nutritional and emotional needs seriously.
I am sorry you are not getting the support you need on this particular issue. You could ask your husband to talk with you? Would it work to sit down and have a conversation with him in private about his concerns and thoughts, it sounds like he has a lot of feelings about it all, and so do you, and you need to get it all out in the open.
I find less is more when talking about eating habits with casual friends. It isn't really open for their scrutiny. Have you read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, this is a worthwhile read in my opinion.
You are so sweet to think of her and support her decisions. I stopped eating most types of meat at a young age and was the only one in my family and did get flack for it. Some people in the family even waged bets on how long it would last, it never stopped though. I would say it was lonely, but it really wasn't, I just did what I felt was right and that was that.

 

[wytchywoman]

Smart Balance (margarine) is vegan and I buy it at Walmart so I'm assuming you'd be able to find it at most large grocery retailers.
I'm glad that you are being so supportive of her, and sad that no one else is. Unfortunately if she goes through what many of us have, she's going to spend a good bit of time defending her dietary choices to others, or she'll get really good at telling people to butt out.

As for the "omnivore world" comments, no, it's really not an omnivore world. When you look at a lot of ethnic cuisines, most are veggie and many are vegan. North America and Europe eat waaaaaay more meat and dairy products than most other countries, mainly because we have access to them and can afford them. Other countries eat veg*n dishes because they don't routinely have enough money to put meat on the table at every meal. it's all based on where you live. When it comes to DS and the teasing, I would treat this as if he were teasing her about anything else. Would you allow him to tease her if she had to wear glasses, get braces, got a weird new haircut,etc....? If not, then what consequence would you institute for the teasing? It's true that DD is probably going to need to develop some thick skin over this, but DS needs to be more tolerant.

 

[SundayCrepes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathymuggle This is really cool! Is it a sundayCrepe original or did the idea come from somewhere else?

An old writing mentor of mine quoted this from someone else, though I don't remember who.

 

[somegirl99]

I'm sorry you're both having a rough time.

Thank you again for being supportive of your DD.

You might want to check out the book Living Among Meat Eaters: The Vegetarian's Survival Handbook.

It will take other people a while to get used to the idea. It should get easier over time, hang in there.

 

[glorio]

Lucky girl to have such a supportive Momma!

I wonder if she got involved in a Vegan Meetup or even virtual club of some sort, if confidence from talking to like-minded people might carry over into relationships with family/friends who aren't being so supportive?

A few sentences that invite polite conversation, but let questioners know she is well informed and content with her choice might help- and could be practiced with such a support circle.

If the friends of the family you mentioned are being rude, I might consider asking them to back off a bit. If they are just curious I might offer to sit down with them and support dd in explaining the vegan lifestyle- how common it is becoming, how many choices there are in selecting food, how good for you it can be. They might be imagining dd is going to live on carrots and soymilk, lol. I really like the pp's idea of whipping up some yummy vegan food and sharing it with them.

As for Dad- I wonder if talking to him about things that were important to him at dd's age would help? Was he belittled for his interests? How did/ would that have made him feel. I'd remind him that following one's passions at such a young age is remarkable and should be encouraged! She sounds like a very independent girl! I wonder also if he feels his own eating habits are being judged? Do you think he might feel this way? I like how pp's mentioned getting his perspective and figuring out a way to all support dd.

Oh, and I wanted to share this-
http://www.peta.org/accidentallyVegan/default.asp

Some of it might not be the most healthy stuff- but there are a lot of staples that might help. I eat Earth Balance as another pp mentioned, and the Baking Section has more margarine choices too. This could be easily printed out and strored in a purse/ shopping bag to avoid frustrating shopping experiences.

Happy eating

 

[Anna06]

How is it going kathymuggle? Forgive me for not reading the whole thread.

My dd just turned 14, she has severe food allergies. BUT on Jan 01 she decided to go veggie.

Her friends and our family thinks she and I are nuts....so here are a few things that has helped her.

She loves soy yougert, comes in fruit flavors
soy chocolate milk
she takes her lunch to school, baked potatoes, or rice and veggies.

A TV show on cable called, "Blood, Sweet, and Takeaways" Made her feel good about her choice.

For valentines day I got her a new lunch box from Peta, cute. Plus some stickers she wanted. Anyway she has discovered Peta2Kids has some fun games on line. They also have news and recipe ideals.

If it piddles out, I'll be sad, but at least these kids are thinking about what goes into their mouths. I'm impressed. Keep us posted.

 

[jildez]

Kathy,

I have been following your threads and i too want to support your choices. As someone who was raised vegetarian in the early 70s, and now lives in the heart of beef cattle raising country, i know that the lifestyle can be 'weird' to people. I believe very strongly in my choice, but i have found that not getting into it with people (like your friends) who don't understand is often better for me, so it sounds like you are making good decisions already.

As for margarine, i prefer earth balance (seriously, its the best margarine dairy/or no), but smart balance light is also vegan if your local grocery is like mine.

As for your husband and son? ((hugs)) it would do them well to remember that the autonomy and respect you give your daughter is the same you give them. Hopefully, they will remember that and cool it. Perhaps it will give them opportunities to go have "man" time eating meat and bonding with each other???

You guys can do it, and do it gracefully! Let us know if you need more virtual hugs and support.

 

[fresh_veggie]

For you and your dd. You are being such a supportive mama! You've gotten really good advice here, I really have nothing to add I just wanted to send you hugs and say that I love Earth Balance, lol. Hang in there, it will be so good for both of you in the long run! Know that there are many people and communities worldwide who abstain from animal products, and they're extremely healthy, long-lived people. It's the western diet that causes so many problems, not the vegans

.

 

[Ianthe]

Quote:

I may make a base and people can add to it with beans or meat as they see fit. I may cook up a lot of meat or beans etc ahead of time, so people can go to the freezer and throw in what they want I know that being unsupportive of food choice is not OK - but I do not know how to enlighten them. Part of me wonders if the lack of support comes from defensiveness? Is veganism causing them to confront their own complacency around animals and what they believe? I just do not know.

I think cooking a bunch of meat and beans ahead of time is an excellent Idea! There are many dishes that you can add meat to at the end.. mexican and italian are easy to do this with.

In my experience.. when people find out that we are vegan they do get VERY defensive about their choice to eat meat. I could care less if other people choose to eat it, as long as they respect my choice not to... but I think this is pretty common, and will be for a little while until they get used to it. Just encourage your children to respect each other's decisions and not push their views on each other.

Also, I think it would be a fun idea to whip up some tasty vegan desserts and share with with all your friends and family to show them that eating vegan doesn't have to be gross and bland, it can be sweet and tasty too!

 

[theoldmommers]

You might want to check out the cookbook Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero. The cupcakes are amazing. The basic ones are also quick to whip up. I've made them for just about everyone I know - all omnivores. Everyone loves them. I usually don't even mention they're vegan. Nothing calms the fears of defensive meat eaters like yummy vegan desserts! They've also come out with a cookie book, but I haven't tried it yet.

 

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoldmommers You might want to check out the cookbook Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero. The cupcakes are amazing. The basic ones are also quick to whip up. I've made them for just about everyone I know - all omnivores. Everyone loves them. I usually don't even mention they're vegan. Nothing calms the fears of defensive meat eaters like yummy vegan desserts! They've also come out with a cookie book, but I haven't tried it yet.

The Cookie book (Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar) is awesome too.

So is their book Veganomicon.

Vegan Brunch rocks as well.

Vegan with a Vengeance (their first book) is pretty good too, but the other ones are better.

A lot of their recipes are really good and totally delicious in a "this is so good" "btw its vegan" "REALLLLLY????" way

You might be able to check them out of your local library or through inter-library loan (often you can get books from anywhere in your state)

Making delicious food is pretty much the best way to counter negativity (I think)

 

[Ianthe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber The Cookie book (Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar) is awesome too. So is their book Veganomicon. Vegan Brunch rocks as well. Vegan with a Vengeance (their first book) is pretty good too, but the other ones are better. A lot of their recipes are really good and totally delicious in a "this is so good" "btw its vegan" "REALLLLLY????" way You might be able to check them out of your local library or through inter-library loan (often you can get books from anywhere in your state) Making delicious food is pretty much the best way to counter negativity (I think)

: to everything!