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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am feeling like a total weirdo these days.

My 2 1/2 year old still nurses, when he gets upset and is tired, several times a day.

My soon-to-be-ex husband is obviously disgusted by it. He has told me very openly, also, the he feels I am stunting DS' emotional growth by nursing him when he's upset.
: If DS asks to nurse when he's upset he makes comments about how I shouldn't be doing that and how I'll be nursing him until he's 18 (he doesn't put it quite that nicely though).

His mother, my MIL, is the sort who feels it's wrong to nurse more than a year... so there's her judgmental and knowing looks as well.

My own mom feels I've nursed way too long too... even though I've tried to educate her on my reasoning.

H and I have decided to get a divorce... so there is all of that going on. I'll have to go back to work soon and fear DS will wean before he's ready because of that.

I don't want to go to LLL because, quite frankly, no one there is nursing an older toddler like I am and I just don't feel comfortable.

Anyone else in a situation where they just have NO support at all? ... I don't ever question whether I'm doing the right thing. But why does it have to be so hard??
 

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I am extreemly lucky to have the support of my dh, but other than that I have no one else either. Although I have many nay-sayers. My breastfeeding children are nearly 3 years (bday in 2 days!
) and 6 months old. Its been a long three years and I alternate between watching her and being filled with so much love and happiness that I've been able to do it this long, and wanting to tear out my hair if I hear "Mama I want nummies!!" one more time.
Having a toddler that still nurses just as much, if not MORE than a newborn.. has made the birth and nursing of my 3rd child a breeze. She seems so easy and laid back by comparison. You mention your child nurses several times a day and your soon to be ex is discusted by it? He'd probably be horrifed to know that my dd is literally attached to me for hours at a time. Sometimes nursing as much as 40 times a day. (whew. I'm tired just writing that.


KristiMetz, I think you are doing a wonderful job nursing your child! I have an ex husband, so I know how things can get. Trust me when I say, it won't be the first time you get into things with him. It will probably continue for years with different subjects. But don't let what he says get you down. You have the law, and even medicine on YOUR side that says that breastfeeding as long as mutually desired by both mother and child, is not detrimental to their emotional development at all.

Do you feel he might somehow play that card in court?

For me personally, I found the older my dd got.. the less being away from her was really a huge deal. She definatly wants nummies day and night, but if I were to suddenly start going to work during the day.. I think she'd be okay with it. I know without a doubt that she would just nurse when I came home. They are less likely to just forget about it now, kwim? Also, a LOT of development goes on between 2 1/2 and 3. I'm still amazed at how grown up she got in just those short few months.

Keep up the good work mama!! You're awesome for hanging in there! I know just how tough it can be sometimes.
 

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I have a lot of support in some ways and in other ways I don't. My DH is supportive. My mom is primarily supportive but she is always saying these little comments like "How long are you going to keep doing that...you know I only nursed you until you were two...boy that seems to really wear on you..." I don't think she realizes she isn't being supportive.

From the perspective of your soon to be ex he is probably just picking on you. I would honestly hope he would be more supportive for the sake of his child. Doesn't he see that it is something your son needs?

Is there possibly a playgroup you can join that might be a little better with nursing toddlers? I never go to LLL meetings but I have a lot of friends that nurse toddlers. I found them by searching mom's playgroups on the web and they rock!

My other friends had a really hard time with it at first. They just didn't get why I nursed and I always had to hear their weaning excuses. It got really old. They stopped asking me about when I was going to wean her though. I am curious what will happen after Marah Jade's third birthday in September if I will start getting the questions again.

I don't tollerate BS from anyone so if the person is nice about it I will talk openly to them. If the person makes stupid comments, like you are going to nurse in college, I don't tollerate that behavior. I have told people that until they can find scientific information confirming what ever BS they are throwing at me shut the
up. Maybe it is because of my no BS approach that I don't get as much flack
:
 

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Mama, if you're going through a divorce, its no wonder your little guy is easily upset! I can only imagine the stress and tension in your home. Your child is lucky to have a mama that is willing to meet his emotional needs through breastfeeding. My son was still a heavy nurser at 3. He weaned completely (I'm referring to the last time he ever nursed) a couple of months before his 6th birthday. All children will wean.
You have our support!
 

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I'm so sorry you don't have anyone IRL to support you!


Regarding LLL, I went to my first meeting at the beginning of my third pregnancy. I was tandem nursing my 3 year old and almost 2 year old. I was shocked that more than half the mothers there were nursing children older than mine!! So you never know, you might be pleasantly surprised! You could always call ahead and talk to a LLL leader and see if they have any meetings specifically geared towards extended nursers.

- Krista
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by veganf
I'm so sorry you don't have anyone IRL to support you!


Regarding LLL, I went to my first meeting at the beginning of my third pregnancy. I was tandem nursing my 3 year old and almost 2 year old. I was shocked that more than half the mothers there were nursing children older than mine!! So you never know, you might be pleasantly surprised! You could always call ahead and talk to a LLL leader and see if they have any meetings specifically geared towards extended nursers.

- Krista
This was going to be my suggestion. Many areas have more than one meeting, or even "enrichment" meetings, and one of those meetings is often geared toward mamas with older nurslings. I have some advice though...it would be wonderful for you to go to the LLL meetings ANYWAY. It is an environment that SUPPORTS extended breastfeeding. Soooo, even if there isn't someone else doing it right there in front of you, they MAY have done it before, and are just on to a new nursling. Also, it will really encourage the NEW mamas to CONTINUE to breastfeed if they see other mamas doing it at meetings. It will make them feel like it's a normal thing...and you will have supported a mama trying/wanting to do just what you're doing now, and perhaps make them feel a little less than a freak. Good luck!
 

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I was also going to suggest calling the LLL leader & chatting. My group had several moms nursing 2 & 3 year olds the first time I went.

Quote:
Also, it will really encourage the NEW mamas to CONTINUE to breastfeed if they see other mamas doing it at meetings.
Seeing mamas at LLL nurse past one year is how I learned it "could be done" lol, and the reason I looked into it.. ds is now three and a half and is self-weaning.


Sorry things are so stressful for you. If it would help, you can tell the naysayers that kids nursed longer are less likely to have conduct disorders during their early school years!! And, teens who nursed the longest as toddlers rated their relationship with their parents as closer. I have info on this research on file. So evidence is suggesting that not only does it NOT damage kids psychologically, (and the AAP actually says that, if your dh would feel better about hearing it from an "authority") but it actually improves their mental health.
 

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Kay,


I am SO right there with you . . . especially today.

DH has been after me to wean our 3-year-old DS for quite a while. Any problem that comes along, the breast is to blame. Speech delay, blame the breast. Underweight, blame the breast. Doesn't eat enough, blame the breast. Late at milestones, blame the breast. Wakes up crying during naps or in the night, blame the breast. Prefers mommy to daddy, blame the breast. Doesn't like to be left with sitters, blame the breast.

Today things came to a bit of a head. My mother called to finally officially voice her opinion that it's time to wean. "Your father and I . . .
" (the preface that packs a punch). So as DH and I discussed the phone conversation, we, of course, got into it again.

They consider my LLL and MDC support system to be a bunch of "fringe weirdos" who can't be listened to because they do insane things like not spank, nurse their 5-year-olds, and, as my mother said today, "Oh, those women would sleep in one bed with 5 kids." "Yeah," I responded, "And if it makes them all happy, who's to say it's wrong?"

Keep coming to MDC for support. And do check out your LLL. Maybe a new mom will join with a toddler. Or maybe you can be the mom-nursing-a-toddler role model some of those other moms need to see!

Weirdos unite!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks, so much, everyone for the support. It means a ton to me to be able to find like minded mamas.

Regarding LLL... if I wasn't going through everything that I was, I might have the strength to go and be the example for other mamas. But, when I was nursing a just-turned-2 year old, I was nursing the oldest child there. Now, I would just feel like a total freak. I just don't have the strength... life is too hard as it is right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WitchyMama2
Do you feel he might somehow play that card in court?
Oh yeah, if we end up going to court over this or whatever, I'm sure he would play that card if he thought it would get him somewhere.

He truly believes that it is detrimental to DS' health, ya know... I mean I feel that his belittling and verbal abuse are detrimental to DS, so I wouldn't hesitate to bring that up if necessary. It makes me sad that he feels that way (and it is so obviously just an extension of cultural beliefs and his mother talking in his ear, not based on his research or anything, 'cause he really hasn't done any).

Quote:

Originally Posted by HEFFERNHYPHEN
Today things came to a bit of a head. My mother called to finally officially voice her opinion that it's time to wean. "Your father and I . . . " (the preface that packs a punch). So as DH and I discussed the phone conversation, we, of course, got into it again.
It really sounds like you are going through a lot of adversity too, heffenhyphen. I hope things get better for you soon, mama. Hugs to you.
 

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I hope you've already got a lawyer. I suggest you start educating him/her now on breastfeeding issues.

For the record, DS is a wonderfully normal, mentally healthy, outgoing 15 year old who self-weaned at one month past 5. While one data point does not a study make, I can assure you that any problems we've had with him as he's grown we'd've had even if he'd weaned at 1.

When he was younger: toddler, preschool, early grades, he was rather shy and quiet, but even then, as the school progressed, he'd open up more in the classroom.

Your husband is projecting his own insecurities onto a baby IMO.
 

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I'm sorry you don't have support IRL.

RE going back to work: I've gone back to work with both of my dc at 3 months. Dd nursed until 2 weeks before her 3rd b-day. We'd been slowly weaning because I was pg with ds. Ds is 2.5 years and not showing signs of self-weaning. If anything I think our nursing relationship means more to both of us because I'm gone for part of the day. Just wanted to chime in that working doesn't = weaning.
 

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((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) and support from me, too!

my ds is 5.5yo and still nurses. i don't take any flak about it either, like a pp said.

it was kind of funny in march when my mom was here, and i was so sick i actually *gasp* went crawling to a doctor to beg for meds, and there was concern over it being in my milk.....i said something to my mom about watching ds for a reaction, and she said "why would HE react?" and i said "well, he still nurses!" acting matter-of-fact as if i expected her to fully KNOW that

good Al-Anon that she is, she just gulped "STILL?" and that was that. i so love that she keeps her opinions to herself now, though her face is transparent as glass. hee hee.

but anyway, here is what i would do. i would take up the pp who said she has documents supporting EBF. i would get them in hard copy and keep a file. i would contact Kathryn Dettweiler (was that her name?) and ask for support, which is what i actually DID when i thought it was going to be an issue in MY separation and divorce (it wasn't). i'm sorry i no longer have that information, or i'd pass it on.

as for MIL or parents or anyone else, i would probably coldly say "it really isn't anyone's business but mine and ds's". i wouldn't defend with facts or anything else, unless the person was truly interested, only because defense sounds weak IMO, like you actually HAVE something to defend. which you don't. but that's me.

and ITA with the pp's who said go to LLL anyway. even if nobody is there actively BFing a toddler or older child, it's great to have someone there who does. even if that someone is YOU. when my ds was itty bitty, there was one mom (the only mom) there who was nursing a big big boy-- i think at the time he was 3, but he was huge compared to all the babies there. it was really encouraging for me to see that, in hindsight. i think she was an integral part of my action (the decision was made, but i needed to SEE it) to nurse so long.

good luck mama, and hang in there. you are an awesome mama!

pamela
 

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If I didn't have the support from my DH I would not have been able to nurse.
Thumbs up to you for being able to nurse without the support. I didn't know anyone who ebf in real life until after my second child was a year. It was a real relief to meet some mamas in real life who ebf. I also suggest trying to find a MDC mama. Go into finding your tribe. Reaching out in this forum is good too. I just know that having support irl can make a difference.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. You're not a weirdo.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen

They consider my LLL and MDC support system to be a bunch of "fringe weirdos" who can't be listened to because they do insane things like not spank, nurse their 5-year-olds, and, as my mother said today, "Oh, those women would sleep in one bed with 5 kids." "Yeah," I responded, "And if it makes them all happy, who's to say it's wrong?"


Okay, there's only 3 kids in the bed but you get the idea.

I need to update my sig. My 4 yo is now a 5 yo and yes, I'm nursing a 5 yo.

To the OP: I second the reccomendation for LLL and I'm sorry your family is being so negative.
 

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Good for you for EBFing your DS despite the lack of family support. It sounds like you and your DS are going through alot right now. I'm sure that BFing is making it easier on your DS.

Hang in there


I'm the only one I know IRL who BF longer than 1.5 yrs. This forum is my main source of support.
 

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I am the only person I know IRL who is nursing (besides my sister)... DS is now 26 months, so I know what you mean. My mom has been pretty supportive, thankfully, but I've been hearing the "W" word now for a couple of months here or there. My sis, who is nursing her 15 month old dd, has been telling me to wean DS since he was 11 months old. Ha. Now she's nursing a toddler, so she doesn't say much anymore.

I'd like to think that I've had quite a bit of influence on her extended nursing because she is not crunchy or natural AT all. She is very mainstream and fashion-minded.

I remember when I was 17 I was a nanny for a 2.5 year old girl whose mother was still nursing her. I thought it was weird at the time, and always felt a little uncomfortable when the mom would nurse in front of me. Now, I want to find that family and say thanks to the mom for setting such a wonderful example.

Keep up the good work, mama. You never know who you may be inspiring!
 
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