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I guess you could say, I left my mom, since I cut her out of my life. But I feel like everyone else eventually leaves me. My husband, all my friends, I wonder how long it will be before DS decides he hates me.<br><br>
I have no friends IRL, and only a few online. Every time I make a friend either online or IRL, I get all excited because I think "Yay, I'm finally going to have someone to hang out with!" We seem to really click, sometimes we even hang out a few times, but then they disappear. I never see them online again. I've been stood up on two of the four dates I've had since XH and I broke up. Since December, two of my three best friends (one I've known 5 years, the other 9) have stopped talking to because <b>I</b> was ticked off at <b>them</b>. So instead of finding out how to make things better, or even realizing that I'm not mad anymore, they just stop talking to me.<br><br>
I know it's totally stupid to think that I deserve this, or that I'm driving people away, but I can't help but wonder sometimes. My online friends (that I've known IRL in the past and most of whom have known me for years) tell me that I'm not being distant or clingy and they're as confused by what's going on as me.<br><br>
How do you move past the mentality that you deserve to be hurt or abandoned and accept what you have?
 

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I don't know for sure.<br><br>
I know that I am going through a transition when it comes to friendships in my life - and it has a lot to do with facing and healing from the abuse I have known throughout my life. I have experienced what you are talking about, and I hate how it feels.<br><br>
I have come to recognize that I am easily drawn to certain kinds of people - in real life and online and the same pattern happens again and again and again. I have had to choose to really pull back for a time and live with more solitude than I ever have before.<br><br>
When I meet someone new and I like them or they seem to quickly like me I take a deep breath and step back and check it out. Does this feel like that same old feeling? It is always great at first, but when I recognise it now I don't give as much of myself early in the friendship, I am much more cautious and conscious of my boundaries. Inevitably those people show themselves for who they are - only now I don't get as hurt by it.<br><br>
I have stepped out on a limb a few times with people I like but don't fit that same pattern - it doesn't feel nearly as comfortable and the friendships develop much more slowly than what I am used to, but they are healthier, easier friendships. It is lilke I have to rewire my heart and mind in regards to what a friendship should look and feel like.<br><br>
It is a vulnerable feeling adn sometimes I worry that I will never have close friends again - but I trust that it will all be good in the end. Besides, so many of those "close" wonderful friends I have had at other times in my life have disappeared.<br><br>
I have discovered that my truest friends were the ones I didn't see all that often but they have stayed in my life, gentle and faithful, without all of the excitement and drama.<br><br>
Being in therapy with an excellent therapist and slowly but surly working through my "stuff" has really helped with all of this.
 

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this is a bit radical to response you might normally get and it provides radical results.<br><br>
Gently. lovingly ask yourself "Where might I have abondoned myself or am currently abandoning myself?"<br><br>
"Which parts of myself have I abandoned"<br><br>
Sometimes they are parts of our child self.<br><br>
I am doing this, with intereseting results.<br><br>
And Shanti is Right On about boundaries.<br><br>
Be a better friend to yourself is always the right answer!!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">"Yay, I'm finally going to have someone to hang out with!"</td>
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I totally understand. But the sad thing about this part of our lives is even our best friends who wish they could hang with us, have spouses, kids, jobs, volunteer work etc. The trick might be to find a group that 'has' to be your friend. Like work, fitness classes, art classes, volunteering 'together' where you can chat like a soup kitchen, support groups, church/religious events (lol if you ever need BEST friends offer to join a new religious group you will have more new friends while you contemplate conversion than you know what to do with!)<br><br>
Relax, try to reconnect with friends. Call ask to go for coffee, lunch, meet to do groceries at the same time. People run from chaos or they run to it. You mgiht be luckier to have friends give you space than be drawn to the drama.
 

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I think divorce changes friendships. I would wait out the friends you aren't talking to and after a while reach out again. You sound completely like friendship material to me.
 
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