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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
but I don't know how to fix it. I am 30 weeks pregnant and we have an almost 3 year old son. I honestly feel like my world revolves around mothering and that my husband (and job, but that's another thread!) are taking a backseat. I have absolutely no libido and haven't since being pregnant with DS. I do try to be intimate at least once a week, though admitedly it hasn't been happening that ofter lately. I do enjoy myself when we are intimate, but have absolutely no drive. I also find myself increasingly irritated with DH, and he feels like no matter what he does, I find something else to be bothered by. I have been annoyed for awhile that the domestic duties almost all fall to me, and I do feel that I have a right to feel that way. The problem is that if I tell him that is what I am upset about and he starts to pitch in, I then find something else to be annoyed with. If I remove myself and think about it, he is totally right. I know that my hormones and lack of sleep are contributing to this, but I don't think that is all. What can I do to get the "loving feelings" back? I LOVE my family, DH included, but I am not being the partner he (or I) want. Any advice?
 

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I don't know if it is right or normal but I was in your exact shoes at that time (pregnant, with one child) and I felt the exact same way. My youngest is 2.5 now and weaned for a few months and I am just NOW starting to feel normal again and I can tell my husband and I are getting closer because of it. Little ones are so needy and being pregnant/nursing does do a number on your body, energy level, and hormones. I have started hormone therapy since weaning and it seems to have taken a few months to work but I am starting to feel more "myself".<br><br>
Have you talked with your DH about it? Is he understanding or annoyed with it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Barbie64g</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15414652"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How much sleep are you getting?<br><br>
That plays a MAJOR role in my mood, sex drive, ambition, motivation, etc etc.</div>
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Not enough, for sure. DS is still pretty needy at night, and really wants me. DH offers to help, but DS gets so upset that I end up awake anyway.<br><br>
DH is sort of understanding, but also annoyed.
 

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No advice, just commiseration here. DS finally starting sleeping in regular patterns at 14 months and stopped nursing at 18 or 19+ months. Right when my sex drive returned I had a missed m/c. Luckily (because of my age) we got pregnant again quickly but I have not had ANY libido since the 2nd trimester and DD is almost 6 months old. In fact, I've been thinking about posting for advice myself...<br><br>
I'm actually getting almost as much sleep now as before kids in terms of hours although no rest while the kids are up and sometimes my sleep is disrupted when there are extra nursing session or DS gets up out of the blue not feeling well. It was nice before to do the "handoff" and take a nap or exercise now we each take a child so it feels like there is never any "down" time.
 

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Oh mama, sounds like sleep deprivation and pregnancy hormones are probably playing a large part in how you've been feeling. I can say, at least, that what you wrote could have been me when I was 30 wks pg (or pretty much any wks pg) with ds. Besides that I also just plain have a tendency to get annoyed by dh. I'm an introvert - I need lots of time alone. So when dh has been around a lot I start to get irritated by little (not his fault!) things. It has helped me a lot to realize what's going on. In fact just today I had this whole internal dialogue with myself. I was ready to snap at dh for absolutely nothing (standing next to me in the bathroom while I was brushing my hair, lol). I pleasantly surprised myself by being able to recognize that I was feeling irritated for no good reason. I had to think about why the heck I was feeling so irritated and then I realized that I had just been thinking of some health stuff that's been stressing me out and I was about to take that stress out on him. Not fair. So I made a conscious effort to breathe deep until dh got the heck out of the bathroom, lol! In the past I would have snapped at him from the get-go and then he would have been pissed at me and inevitably our entire day would have been filled with little unpleasant back-and-forths (the initial cause of the friction would have been long forgotten). BUT since I was able to talk myself out of my annoyance (or at least out of acting on it), then he stayed in a good mood and pretty soon I got into a good mood too.<br><br>
Don't know if any of that helps! Good luck mama! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pianojazzgirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15417546"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh mama, sounds like sleep deprivation and pregnancy hormones are probably playing a large part in how you've been feeling. I can say, at least, that what you wrote could have been me when I was 30 wks pg (or pretty much any wks pg) with ds. Besides that I also just plain have a tendency to get annoyed by dh. I'm an introvert - I need lots of time alone. So when dh has been around a lot I start to get irritated by little (not his fault!) things. It has helped me a lot to realize what's going on. <b>In fact just today I had this whole internal dialogue with myself. I was ready to snap at dh for absolutely nothing (standing next to me in the bathroom while I was brushing my hair, lol). I pleasantly surprised myself by being able to recognize that I was feeling irritated for no good reason.</b> I had to think about why the heck I was feeling so irritated and then I realized that I had just been thinking of some health stuff that's been stressing me out and I was about to take that stress out on him. Not fair. So I made a conscious effort to breathe deep until dh got the heck out of the bathroom, lol! In the past I would have snapped at him from the get-go and then he would have been pissed at me and inevitably our entire day would have been filled with little unpleasant back-and-forths (the initial cause of the friction would have been long forgotten). BUT since I was able to talk myself out of my annoyance (or at least out of acting on it), then he stayed in a good mood and pretty soon I got into a good mood too.<br><br>
Don't know if any of that helps! Good luck mama! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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This is hard, with you being so far and having a little one. But it DOES sound familiar!<br><br>
Have you tried talking to DH? Tell him what's going through your head? This was a pivot point with DH and I. He was extremely understanding and some things, at least, cleared up.<br><br>
Also, if you think it would help, establish a step-out. When you're getting irritated, overwhelmed, etc., politely tell DH you need a moment. Go somewhere else, outside, another room. Take a deep breath.<br><br>
Also, Pianojazzgirl had a great point, bolded above. Sometimes asking yourself WHY you are irritated can show you that it may not be DH at all, or it might even just be irrational. Sometimes realizing that can help you 'let go'.<br><br>
Lots of hugs. One day at a time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I agree, definitely explain to him your irrational feelings. I know pregnancy really amped up my feelings to the extreme, so a minor annoyance that I would normally brush off or not really notice because a huge deal. And is there anyway you can get more sleep? I know how hard it is, but man does it help. Also, is it possible to set aside an hour a couple times a week for just you and DH? Just spending time with him with just the two of you will really help to bring those feelings back.
 
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