[GinaNY]

Hi All,<br>
sorry just feelin a little blue so this may sound whiney and all over the place. Apologiees in advance. I am just so tired of being "weird". I am tired of having to explain why we do what we do. We are kinda crunchy. I just had a little boy who is almost 4mo. Natural birth (no meds). We co-sleep, breastfeed on demand (I dunno what that means really I just feed 'im when he's hungry) cloth diaper, babywear occasionally. We try to be e-friendly as possible. We did circ (no flames please, I cried for hours and pretty much regret being "convinced") and vax ( I am still so new to everything and just didn't have all the facts). I was honestly a little afraid of coming here and saying all this. These boards can be tough, but this is the only place where some may actually understand. I feel caught in the middle of two worlds, overwhelmed at being a SAHM with epilepsy who can't drive in a not so transportation friendly county. We used to live in NYC which was good with transportation and different folk, but I miss the trees and I hate the city in the summer. I am trying meetup groups here and people are nice, but I still feel a bit disconnected. My hubby is super sweet and supportive of my "madness=)" but he is so busy at work, he just does not always have enoough time. He tries to work from home a couple of times a week, which is nice. I know he worries....**sigh** ok I guess I just need to stop whining and pick myself up by the bootstraps haha I was having a pretty good week too. I guess I am just a bit too sensitive. My DH always tells me that I need to grow a thicker skin =) To sum up I feel too crunchy here at home and not crunchy enough for MDC. I just want to be a good mom....<br>
Thanks for listening!

 

[kewb]

I'm sorry you are feeling so out of sorts. It is hard to find your place when you are in the middle of the crunchy/mainstream. I am not crunchy enough for a lot of people here but am super crunchy to my IRL friends. Just keep educating yourself and doing the best you can and you will be a great mom.

 

[etromano]

I completely understand. I am somewhat in the middle or slightly crunchy arena and I feel the same way you do- that I do not fit in anywhere. I am not crunchy enough for people I meet in the AP arena, but yet too unconditional or crunchy for my mainsteam 'friends'. I moved to NYC a year ago with my then 3 month old and I still have not found my niche or tribe. I am starting to feel really out of the loop and don't know what to do.<br>
So after my whining, what I am trying to say is that I hear you and I have to stop feeling sorry for myself too and just do it, I guess!<br><br>
Keep your chin up!

 

[Kates779]

Gina... did you get my PM and my email????!!?!?!?!? We will hang out, really! I can pic you up!

 

[huggingmama]

I hear you! I'm in a similar place. I am getting crunchier by the minute, but sometimes feel like I'm not being a good mom by not being crunchy enough.<br><br>
Where in Rockland are you? (You can PM me if you don't want to post it.) I may be moving soon to your area! (See <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=659448" target="_blank">Rockland County and Bronx Mamas! Where should we move</a>?) Maybe we can connect! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[GinaNY]

Thanks Everyone!<br>
I really feel much better. It's hard being different, especially when you know you are right<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> haha My hubby is my rock. He really keeps me grounded especially when I get frustrated at stupid things people say.<br><br>
Kewb--Thanks for that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
etromano--Where are you in NYC?? Funny how you can feel so isolated in a city of millions. Maybe we can meetup sometime. There is an AP meetup that gets together in Queens... and also on the UWS Check out Meetup.com for groups. I am too far<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: unless they had a weekend meetup. I joined a mainstream group of moms in my area and they are nice even if we are not into the same things. They help with local info, baby classes etc<br><br>
Kates779--I did get your email!! Thx Let's get together soon! I appreciate the ride! So sweet!!<br><br>
huggingmama--I live in Haverstraw. I'd love to meetup and/or show you around....as long as you drive haha I have lived in Bardonia, Pomona, New Hempstead and now Haverstraw. My parents live in Chestnut Ridge. My husband is from Spring Valley. I got the county covered! My parents love to move apparently, so I know quite a bit about looking for homes in Rockland. haha PM me!!<br><br>
Thanks again to everyone for cheering me up! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">

 

[huggingmama]

Sorry it took so long for me to respond to this. Hi, Gina! I will PM you since it looks like we're headed your way very very soon--like next month. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Jimibell]

I think if you connect with moms who have more than 1 child it may help.<br><br>
I think once you have more than one you tend to be less judgemental about others. I know I've changed in that sense and I also notice moms with one child do tend to be more focused on EVERYTHING. I was so like that so I see it in other moms. Then #2 comes along and you're like, "ok, whatever I need to do to get through the day". Not that you totally compromise your values but you definately loosen up.<br><b>So what I'm trying to say is that being in the middle is not something that I would judge someone on, I think it's more important to be a loving mom and to do the best you can!</b><br>
If you circed and vaxed that doesn't mean that those who didn't are going to judge you. Some may but not all. And I think that once someone has more on their plate (like having more than one child) then they tend to spend less time worrying about what others are doing.<br><br>
I definately feel more and more that I want to support other moms and receive support instead of spending my time thinking about what they did "wrong", etc.<br><br>
But not to say that all moms with one child will judge. I just had the idea. Sorry if it sounds silly!<br><br>
And as your baby gets older you will be able to be out and about more. Are there any interesting places you can walk to?? Being alone at home with the little one all the time can drive anyone crazy, especially if your dh is gone a lot.<br><br>
I used to feel much more isolated where we used to live but now in Jersey City I can walk to lots of places and there are always people around so even if we don't have a playdate I just go outside and walk around and I always end up chatting with someone while my dds play with the other kids hanging around. Being able to walk to a town center would be great for you.......even if your philosophies are not the same as those people you randomly meet.<br>
Also, as your child gets older you'll meet all kinds of people and maybe find people that you get along well with even if you have varying degrees of "crunchiness"<br><br>
sorry for the ramble......

 

[mbhf]

oh, wow, i totally agree with jimibell. i never really thought about it like that, but it's true. first time moms tend to be really self concious and judgemental, i know i was that way. now that i've been doing this for a while i just want to support other mothers instead of competing with them.

 

[huggingmama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mbhf</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8092752"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">oh, wow, i totally agree with jimibell. i never really thought about it like that, but it's true. first time moms tend to be really self concious and judgemental, i know i was that way. now that i've been doing this for a while i just want to support other mothers instead of competing with them.</div>
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This actually seems to make a lot of sense to me, though following the logic, I'll probably never be able to loosen up (since it's likely I'll only have one child)! Ah, well.