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<p>This post will probably be all over the place so please bare with me....... First off I think part of my problem could be a hormonal imbalance with anxiety and OCD all mixed together, I feel like such a mess.....but my son just got over Roseola a couple days ago and it was HORRIBLE, high fever (of course this is part of roseola), vomiting, non-stop crying at times we couldn't calm him down,  had him to the ER in the middle of the night because at the time we didn't know what was wrong with him and he had been sick by that time for 3-4 days and he was inconsolable, finally got a diagnosis from my ped. the next day (the ER dr. was an IDIOT!) and I seemed more at ease once I knew what it probably was but the 4 days before that I was a wreck! Ds wasn't sleeping so I was running on 2 hrs. of sleep each night (and even that was only 20 mins. at a time) and ds was VERY clingy....I was crying, sobbing at times and couldn't hardly eat, freaked out if the girls came near ds (before I knew what he had) because I couldn't imagine going thru that again with them! I wouldn't even let them hug me or go near me until I had a shower and clean clothes on, which pretty much never happened because I never got to put ds down. I felt horribly guilty because they missed me and I missed them! If I had touched ds I either washed my hands or used purell before touching anything else, etc....</p>
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<p>I never was too much of a germ freak before I had kids but after I had dd1 I had a sever case of PPD and PTSD and that is when this hidden monster came out. DD1's pacifer would fall on the floor here at home and we don't even wear shoes in the house and it would have to be sterilized and I bought Purell in bulk. No one was allowed to touch her if they hadn't washed or used purell...even when she got to be older and taking her out in public practically gave me panic attacks.......</p>
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<p>I am still OCD about germs, we used purell when we leave a public place and use shopping cart covers or wipe down the cart with an alcohol wipe. I don't even let my kids eat out at a restaurant without wiping the table in front of them with an alcohol wipe first. And I almost have an anxiety attack if my girls have to use a public restroom when we go out. I also have certain places where I forbid them to use the restroom, like Target or Walmart or beach or park restrooms. I know this is going to start affecting dd1 as she is getting older and I don't want it too! :( </p>
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<p>I still take them places but not too often, we go on a park date or field trip every friday with a homeschool group and probably twice a month (well beside errands I have to run here or there) we go do something else like bowling, BounceU or something else fun.....so it isn't like I keep them from the outside world. BUT everytime one of gets sick I freak out and become a recluse and I DO keep them home for my own sanity for 1-2 weeks until my mental state settles down again to the point where i'm not wiping down our door handles with alcohol or spraying them with lysol (my mom and dad live next door and they come and go too). It's not so bad if it's just a common cold but if it involves throwing up or being really sick for more than 2-3 days then I go into a major panic!! The past couple months I even got anxiety if I didn't do everything exactly the same every night before we put the kids to bed because I felt like one of them would get sick if I didn't. But now since ds got sick and I wasn't able to do that, I have forced myself to not pick up on the bad habit again. But I have to work hard not too. </p>
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<p>I let my kids get dirty....they go out back and play in the dirt and make mud pies and dig holes and make mud puddles and sometimes they are covered from head to toe in mud and dirt, that part doesn't bother me one bit. It's just the unknown germs out there that I can't handle....I guess I should add that we don't vaccinate either.....people just tell me why don't you just vax them and that is another thing that I can't handle, I go into a panic attack thinking about the possible injury to them from the vaccines, I did get dd1 3 doses of DTaP from the time she was 12 mos -24 mos. but couldn't go on with anymore because it caused me so much turmoil to think of what it could do to her each time she got one. </p>
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<p>I think it could be hormonal because the last several months i have been snapping at everyone and have very little paitience. And just since ds got sick, I have been SOOOO emotional (I did just O late last week) I mean I cry at everything, I even cried at a childrens movie my kids were watching. </p>
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<p>We don't have insurance so going to talk to someone is out of the question, we have no extra money. But I was hoping for some good suggestions......Has anyone ever read "Brain Lock" By Jeffrey Schwartz? I just don't know what to do! </p>
 

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<p>I am really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time mama <img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></p>
<p>I have no specific advice except to use the wonderful internet to find a sliding scale therapist.  I know it can seem impossible or overwhelming, but they are out there.  Getting yourself to a healthy place is not an extraneous expense, it is a necessity.</p>
 
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