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Hi everyone<br>
Just found this board, glad to be here...this may end up being a long post, sorry in advance. I think I need to both vent and ask for advice so here it is: My son is 7, in first grade. He was reading in preschool, tested in kindergarten, placed in gifted 'pull-out' in kindergarten. We lived in FL where he was born, lived in the same house his whole 7 years. He's always been emotionally sensitive, as in things need to go his way or he would cry, etc. But loved school...anyway, my husband's job relocated us out of state. We had to move mid-year and live in a rental house while we house-hunt..Everyone told me the kids would be fine (I also have a 4yr old daughter) kids are resilient...blah blah blah...I thought as long as we're all together and try to make it fun he'll be fine. Well, we got here (in the northeast now) where apparently they believe they are better than everyone else. This is an affluent area, schools are 'blue ribbon', etc. Extremely snobbish. I am from NY and THAT was friendlier than here...it's unbelievable. Anyway, the school seemed so reluctant to believe anything we brought with us- all the testing, etc. Since FL used WISC-IV, they accepted his records without re-testing and placed him in their pull-out program. BUT, they found every opportunity to tell us (or insinuate) that FL is a bunch of dummies and that's why he was the only gifted, that here you have many more gifted, he's not that special...we weren't looking for him to be singled out or seen as a star. We just wanted what he needed- who cares that here they happen to have 5 first-graders in gifted vs. 2 in our FL school? They seem to think FL is a cesspool as far as schools go. Sure dif. areas rate differently, and FL is not at the top by any means. But ours rated a 10 on greatschools just like theirs does...it depends on where you are. Anyway, they treat him like such an outsider, the teacher resented the disruption of his arrival, and he began acting out. He hates school now, has been labeled a behavioral problem, now has a thick file of 'incidences' whereas before he was a happy, good student. In FL he took pride in following the rules and memorizing them...here he is acting out all over the place. We requested a classroom change, they refused. He's always been high-energy but we're taking him for counseling and I am afraid they're going to say he is ADHD or something...he is all over the place. I am at a loss of what to do...we found a house in an area I like better, new school district, a fresh start in Sept...but I soooo regret this move. I feel like we completely uprooted and disrupted his entire world. I read a post somewhere on here that said depressed gifted kids kill themselves...not always, I know. But just reading that put such a lump in my throat because I can't even begin to imagine that my beautiful and intelligent son could be depressed. I don't even know what to do for him...I want to take him to the museums, etc...here, but his behavior in public (running ahead, being 'hyper' in general) makes me not take him places...I am going to force myself to though, because I know he would love it..soooo I guess my big questions are, how do we reign in the hyper behavior? How do I help him be happy again? How do I help him deal with another 2 months of this school?? oh and by the way...at our old school, they tested his reading to be 6th grade level. Here, they say it's 2nd grade level. Come to find out, the highest reading level group they have in his grade is the 2nd grade level. Do they just not want to accomodate him or what? Thanks for listening. I feel like we ruined his entire sense of comfort and norm
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br><br>
I'm sorry your ds is having a rough go of it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Poor guy! I don't know what your schedule is during the day but maybe you could just completely pull him out of school for the last two months. There is an awesome homeschooling forum here. Everyone sounds so miserable right now. Some might say that is giving into a seven year old. I look at it like listening and respecting what he is going through. You already said you would love to do some museum crawls. You could also line up some nature walk and the like too. I can see how he would be testing lower than he really is if he is stressed out. If I was you, I would avoid any testing that could lead to an ADHD or ADD lable at least in his school file. It's not always bad to have it but I don't think it would be accuate in his case.<br><br>
If your looking for advice, you've found the right place. I'm sure you'll get lots <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><br><br><br>
and<br><br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Welcome.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="welcome">
 

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Thank you...I sure am looking for advice. I don't think I'm homeschooling material <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I have some depression issues myself yet nothing diagnosed or serious enough to merit meds or anything..just a general sense of feeling blue quite often...my son would probably be bored staying with me all day, despite the school problems..I think even if I tried to do fun stuff with him, it would backfire on me...kind of hard to explain. I definitely agree about having an ADHD diagnosis in his school file. That is why I refused their advice to have the school psychologist assess him, and instead went to a private child psychologist. We were very clear that any conclusions he makes be kept private and not revealed to school. It will be for our info only as I most certainly do not want him labeled any further. Being labeled a behavior problem is bad enough....I look forward to any and all responses...sometimes I feel very alone because I still don't really know anyone here, and I don't wish to, unfortunately...I don't feel I fit in around here..I'm used to more down-to-earth, friendly people, and I have to say this is the most unfriendly, unwelcoming place I've ever been. Snobbish is an understatement. I'm hoping our new neighborhood will be better. I miss home, I guess.
 

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I would definitely consider pulling him out for the rest of the school year. Let him play and read and discover again how fun life can be. Let him make the trips with you to the new house, help you set it up into your new home. Spend time hanging out at the local playground and walking the neighborhood, until you both find people who help you feel at home again. Visit the library, look for afterschool library clubs, or any other activity you think he would enjoy. Take a tour of the new school. His situation sounds toxic, let him know he can count on you as the adult to find a better solution.
 

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JandJmom- I know you might feel a little uncertain about homeschooling but have you heard of unschooling? It is pretty much what momtoponygirl was talking about. Instead of the pressure of setting up lessons, you set up opportunities to learn and follow your dc's lead from there. So let's say that you take him fishing. Ask him things that will get his mind thinking what he needs to fish. What kind of pole? Where would be a good place to fish? What bait? Is it safe to eat? How to cook it? Why are fish attracted to the bait? What are some different kinds of fish? What are other living things in the water? The trick is to get him thinking and see where he goes from there. On a nature walk, he could notice different tree leaves. He could work on identifying them. I'm not saying to do something you aren't comfortable doing- just realize that there are more ways to learn than traditional schools or even homeschooling. And remember, you were his first and best teacher! A good book I found... I take that back. Anything by John Holt would be good to read. He is considered by some to be the godfather of the unschooling and homeschooling rebirth in America. "Learning all the Time" and "Instead of Education" are good reads <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Whatever you decide, I hope you find something that brings you all peace of mind.
 

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I have to agree with the above posters to pull him out. You wouldn't really be homeschooling him, just starting summer vacation a little early.<br><br>
Make sure that yo talk to his new teacher before school starts next fall. Let her know that the move has been hard, and the other school wasn't very understanding and you hope that she can work with you and your child to make it a much better year.<br><br>
And just because you don't feel horribly depressed does not mean that you aren't depressed and couldn't use some meds. It might make a huge difference in your life (this is according to my fil who has been there done that. He says the world just is so much brighter now!!).
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks guys...I don't know..what would I tell the school if we just pulled him out? Don't you by law have to justify it somehow? I am a college degreed person, I guess I would qualify for homeschooling if I had to prove something. I just know nothing about it...I think he would miss small things like his challenge class- that is one thing he does enjoy. And gym. It's his core teacher who he spends the bulk of time with who is so cold...he must be completely reacting to her. I guess I'm closing my eyes and wishing it would magically be June 16th...I tend to go into denial sometimes...as for my depression, I know...I did go on a few different things last year but didn't like the way they made me feel (like I was on speed). So I just stopped. I keep thinking 'once we move into the new house...' everything will be better. Stupid, I know. I find myself just in a bad funk. For my kids' sake, I need to pull myself out of it, and I know I have to stick up for him and what he needs. Do you guys think there are any other options aside from pulling him out? This is kind of a traditional family- dh, mom, etc. would probably freak if I just took him out. (mom doesn't live with us but very involved in our life)<br>
Thanks for all the input...lots of thinking to do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I would do two things first. Check out your state's homeschooling laws, generally found on your states department of education website. For us, you have to file a notice of intent and give two weeks notice (no cause needed) and that waiting period is often waived. Finding out how easy or difficult it is to pull him out may help with the decision making. Then, search for a local homeschool group. You can search yahoo groups and check places like the library and your local park during school hours. Finding people you can connect with was one of the most surprising benefits of homeschooling to me. We still stay in contact with many moms whose kids went back to school. ;-) You may find that they have classes and activities that your son enjoys as much or more than school gym class!<br><br>
As for family questions, I would make sure they know exactly how bad it has been for him and the deterioration you have seen in his behavior. Let them know how you have tried to remedy it with the school. As far ahead as he is, 6 weeks is not going to make him get behind. However, 6 more weeks may be traumatic -or not, you know best!<br><br>
Whatever you decide, I think you will feel better for researching your options. If you can't or don't want to pull him out, check out your districts absence policy. If he can afford a day off a week from now until the end of school, plan some fun 'mental health' days. Call him in sick and spend the day in the park, the library, at the museum, zoo, whatever!
 

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(((HUGS)))<br><br>
I think the advice here has been great. I hope your little guy feels better soon.<br><br>
PS. I have taken St. Johns Wart for mild depression, with good effects. I did not feel sleepy. It took a bit to kick in though. IF your depression is mild, you might want to research alternative medicine to see if it is something that might work for you. If you are in the northeast, the return of sunlight as Sping fully arrives might help with your depression.<br><br>
kathy
 

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Geeze J&J, did you move to PA!? Perhaps his teacher/class is just a bad fit for him and next year will be better? I am very sorry I have no advice for you, but I hope these examples help you see you are not alone in this. I hope things get better for your DS.<br><br>
I have a friend who is a teacher in a very affluent area in NY. He says that almost every single kid has been tested for G&T in his district. If they do not get into the G&T program, they are tested until they have a Dx so the parent can say "oh, well Biffy Jr just has (insert dx here), and that is why he is not G&T". It is crazy. My SIL moved to a pretty upscale area, and was told her very gifted son (he tested into the top 1%) had ADD and was not gifted, even though they went to Philadelphia and had him assessed at Temple.
 

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Big hugs to you!<br><br>
Moving is really hard on everyone. I believe it's one of the top 10 life stressors behind death of a loved one, major illness and divorce. Kids may rebound, just like anyone else, but it doesn't mean that they won't have a reaction to it! Your ds left his friends in the middle of his school year and is now in a totally different geographic environment, school and home. It's a lot for a 5-6 year old. It's a lot for an adult!<br><br>
I would definitely pull him out. In many states, kindergarten isn't required, but starting school by age 6 is. We also just moved across country at the beginning of April and we didn't re-enroll ds in school. So, we've kind of been doing unschooling (I guess full-fledged unschooling - who am I kidding??!) and so far, ds is really doing ok. Even though he's happy to be here, he misses his friends, misses his home, etc. His behavior hasn't been the best, but we are really talking things through with him and it's slowly getting better. We are also in a temporary living situation until we find a home - so right now we are separated from DH during the week. I'm a little stressed right now, too, and I know that ds picks up on that. We're all trying to adjust.<br><br>
You've gotten really good advice. And I really don't think that now would be the best time to retest him. Anxiety can produce all sorts of weird behavior. My bet is that by the end of summer things will be much better for all of you.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I JUST got back to my old post- didn't see your reply till now and laughing.....why did you think we moved to PA?<br>
WE DID!!!!!
 
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