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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My DS gently weaned a little past 3 yrs and 4 months..I tandem nursed for about a 1 1/2 yrs..and still continue to nurse my 17 month old DD <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> ..<br>
I know these feelings are normal..but some days I'm so touched out..and frustrated <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"> ..especially after having 2 high needs babies/toddlers and constantly nursing all the time..well now only one nurses All The Time..even though 4 yrs of non-stop nursing isn't much to alot of MDC'ers here..it is for me! and after 4 yrs of not sleeping <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: ..and having a child attached everynight waking up w/a sore neck, back, and hips can be overwhelming sometimes.<br>
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but I feel <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Obligated</span> to nurse my second just the same amount if not longer! Anyone else feel this way!<br>
and was your second or third nursed Less than your 1st's!?<br><br>
I know I would be being selfish if I even thought about weaning her..because a part of me wants a part of my old life back! even though we'll never go back to the way it used to be! and I wouldn't change it for the world either because my kids ARE my Life! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"> I guess I just need to vent a bit! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wild.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wild"> and I'm feeling a little ashamed to even think about thinking of weaning her before the age of three! Even though I strongly belevie in CLW! and will do the same w/my DD as I did w/DS!
 

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Oh it sounds like you know what's going on and that you need a lot of <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br>
Can you arrange for some special time for yourself without feeling lured by what "it used to be like"?
 

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vent away, vent away, especially if it helps the nursing stay! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Can you arrange for some special time for yourself without feeling lured by what "it used to be like"?</td>
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great idea <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> even sneaking off to bed early..alone for a short while. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/upsidedown.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="upsidedown">
 

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i know what you mean (extreme example: my dd nursed till 7, but the two i've got now, 4 & 3, are working their way to being weaned), but just remember- you are different (in time), they are different people, they'll nurse as long as they need to, & if it is not exactly the same, that's nature, not some failing on your part.<br><br>
if the 3 yr old weans himself at the same time as my 4 yr old, no, it doesn't seem 'fair', but the closest i can come to making this harsh world 'fair' is by being available to them.<br><br>
the rest is up to them and the limitations of my body- my milk is kind of drying up perimenopausally, and that is no more cause to freak out (at 3 & 4!) than acknowledging that my bad knees can't get down on the floor & play as easily as i did as a mother in my twenties. you do what you can, you know?<br><br>
susan
 

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Every child has their own timetable for nursing, and I believe it's up to us to honor their individuality. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> My oldest two are 17m apart and I basically nursed them like twins from the time the second one was born. I always assumed they would wean at the same time. I strongly nudged DS1 to wean around age 5-1/2 when I was pregnant and nursing three and feeling overwhelmed. He grieved it for a week and then forgot to ask after that (really! I would have nursed him sporadically, but once he was over the mental hump he was really done). I would have been fine nursing DS2 until that age, but he weaned around age 4-1/2, around the time my fourth child was born.<br><br>
My third child is now just over 3 and I've just started negotiating some limits on her nursing, which she accepted readily (I was surprised, and was just testing the waters to see, but I think she was really ready to cut back and was just trying to be like her little sister by whining for nursing all the time...that would be a whole 'nother post about how tandem nursing complicates natural weaning!). She self-nightweaned at 14m (the only one of my kids to do so that young) and now she nurses at wake up and bedtime, and once in the morning and once in the afternoon. She often forgets one or two of those nursings, and unless her sister's nursing reminds her, I don't bother to say anything. I am thinking maybe she will wean even before the other two did, though you never really know. I think I would feel strange if she weaned at three, but I keep reminding myself that she is a totally different child from her brothers, and having more (and most importantly NON-NURSING) siblings around to play with helps distract her, too.<br><br>
I have a friend whose first child weaned at age 4-1/2 and second child weaned at 1-1/2. She didn't nurse either of them any differently, though she did tandem nurse. I think her older child continued nursing after the second child weaned. It was unusual but I think it shows how kids can really be very different.
 

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Well, since you posted this on CLW and not BBI I assume that you DON'T want to wean and simply need some support.<br><br>
I tandem nursed for 14m, and then my younger one weaned- her big sister weaned a month later. I think there's some kind of hormonal thing that goes on when one child weans, even if the other one is still nursing.<br><br>
Remember that 17mo toddlers are demanding, no matter what! They're big enough to know what they want, but too young to express it. Life is an exercise in frustration! They're clingy and annoying whether they're nursing or not- and weaned toddlers don't have the "automatic off switch" of nursing!<br><br>
If the nighttime thing is really affecting your sleep (and your mood during the day) you might want to look into making some changes. Would a better pillow/an extra pillow/new mattress cover help in any way? You could offer your toddler some water at night before nursing- that probably won't cut out all nighttime nursings, but it might cut out some of them, or make the nursing "less intense" at night.<br><br>
Good luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>amyamanda</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My third child is now just over 3 and I've just started negotiating some limits on her nursing, which she accepted readily (I was surprised, and was just testing the waters to see, but I think she was really ready to cut back and was just trying to be like her little sister by whining for nursing all the time...that would be a whole 'nother post about how tandem nursing complicates natural weaning!).</div>
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Could you PM me or could we start another thread about this? It sounds so familiar, and I'd love to hear your thoughts.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mrstattedup</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">but I feel <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Obligated</span> to nurse my second just the same amount if not longer! Anyone else feel this way!<br>
and was your second or third nursed Less than your 1st's!?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I didn't have any real desire to wean my second child (in fact, my first child is still nursing, though infrequently) but she self-weaned at 15 months. It's definately not a nursing strike, and it's not even due to my pregnancy and the fact that I've lost my milk. She's developed lactose intolerance, which is the physiological reason that most children (world wide) wean eventually. She would have weaned herself around the same time even if I hadn't gotten pregnant and lost my milk (and, in fact, she had already cut back drastically on her nursing before the milk dried up).<br><br>
Her physiology is entirely different from that of her brother; while she was able to digest all of her solid food (rather, the things that most people can digest) at 9 months, her brother wasn't able to do so until he was 18 months old. She's always had a bigger appetite for food than her brother, who enjoyed variety but not quantity. She's never been a comfort nurser; for her, breastfeeding was (mostly) a utilitarian relationship and when she didn't need the milk anymore, she stopped taking it. Unlike her brother, her behavior did not change when my milk dried up. When I was pregnant with BooBah and BeanBean's milk supply vanished, he lost weight, didn't get any taller for a while, had horribly sick-smelling diapers, was irritable and his skin began to look kind of greyish. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty"> In short, he was suffering from malnutrition, and being unable to digest enough solid food there was no way to get more into him until he was able to drink Pediasure without getting sick. That never happened to BooBah; she increased her intake of solid food on her own, and has actually gained at least a pound and 3/4" since she stopped nursing. While BeanBean got sick over and over again while my milk was gone, BooBah hasn't had so much as a sniffle. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
So yes, we did CLW and I've got a 36 month old who nurses 2-4 times/week and a 16 month old who doesn't nurse at all. I'm fairly confident that BeanBean will increase his nursing when my milk comes back, and just as confident that BooBah will not start nursing again (like I said, she's developed a lactose intolerance). It can happen both ways. I don't feel like BooBah was somehow cheated, because her body made the decision for her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
eilonwy,<br>
Your baby was the one who choose to self wean..and that's fine..if it was her choice..but what if you had decided you were done? would that be okay too? would your conscience let you be happy also?<br>
there's just some days I really, really want to wean..but just can't make myself! Deep, Deep down way in there..I don't want to stop nursing..I guess I just need a break..and even a 30 minutes time-out would be Great! I cant even go to the <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/inthet.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="inthet"> without my DD following me! I think I'm going <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut"> somtimes..but I guess it's just part of being a Mommy!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/happytears.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="happytears">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> to nursing your 36 month old though! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/thanks.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thanks"><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rocks.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title="mdc rocks">
 

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I'm sorry, I didn't make myself clear at all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty"><br><br>
The point that I was trying to make was that each child is different, and therefore each nursing relationship is different. Sometimes, as in the case with my kids, the difference is physiological but a personality difference is just as likely to impact the nursing relationship. I used to think that all children should nurse until they were two years old, and that it was damn near impossible for a child to self-wean before then. I learned that I was *wrong* about this, and watched my 15 month old wean right before my eyes despite the fact that her older brother nursed through the same circumstances and continues nursing to this day.<br><br>
I would, in your situation, ask myself if I was doing the best that I could to treat my second child fairly. Am I more stressed out, or do we simply have different personality clashes than I had with #1? Some kids are easier to work with than others-- perhaps #1 was more respectful of my space while #2 isn't. Maybe #2 is the sort of child who needs routines or limits to structure their day, while #1 was perfectly happy and thrived without any. Those mental and emotional differences will often lead to differences in the nursing relationship, just as my kids' physiological differences made our nursing relationships different. It's not a bad thing, it's just... different.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I love how you made it clear! it helped to understand! there Is some days I just cant take the non-stop nursing..but there is Also some days we enjoy it very much! and I can't see us not nursing! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 
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