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Overwhelmed- that's the word that best describes how I have been feeling for the last month or so. I am living in a new place (been here for just over 1/2 a year now) and I do not have many friends. I moved from a place with a wonderful community of women and their families who I connected with on so many levels. I just started working at a new job about 2 months ago and it is going really well but I am not emotionally invested into it at all and I feel as though I should be into it more to really do the job well. To me, it is a good job with good pay and benefits and it fits my needs because it is flexible, part time (30 hrs), and values my role as a mother and respects my rights/needs to be with my children in addition to performing my job well. But it is nothing more- do I like it? Not really. My kids have both been really sick over the last 2 weeks- we have had pneumonia, strep, ear infections, bronchitis, high fevers, mild rashes, bad stomach aches, etc. It has been very hard working, husband working, and us caring for sick kids. I have only taken a few hours off for this, but we have had the kids at our offices almost every day. I am so fortunate that with a new job, this is okay- I can bring my sick child to work!, but it is a tough place to be- balancing work and caring for my DC. My husband has been so wonderful lately helping to care for the DC. He also knows that I am overwhelmed and has been overly nice to me. But there is another part of the problem- our relationship. We have had rough times in the past and have both felt pretty rotten about the other one at various times. Right now he is 100% vested into our relationship and I feel as though I love him as a brother- there is nothing romantic or physical that I feel towards him. I think he is a great guy and he is a wonderful father and a overall really good person and a committed and loving partner. But it's just not there for me. We have recently talked about our feelings and he really wants to make us work and give it at least a year to work through problems. He has asked me to think about what I want to do (the last 10 years have focused on his needs for his career and I have followed along) and where I would ideally like to live, do with my life, etc. So now my mind that was already filled, feeling like I had so much on my plate, is racing even more because it was given a task to think about my future and I am overwhelmed and scattered. I seem to be disorganized in thought and in action. I wish I lived closer to family, closer to friends, in a warmer climate, had a different job (but not sure what or where), that my kids were healthy, that I loved my husband the way I <i>should</i>, that my house was clean, that I owned less things, that I had solar panels, that finances were better, etc etc and that I felt more carefree about my life.
 
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