[BeanSprout Mama]

Not about writing one, about the ones we've made.

Right now, I'm planning to have the baby in the hospital. I had my first two with midwives in the hospital and they both went very well, but this time I'm just feeling uneasy about delivering in the hospital. I'm concerned about all the interventions. I don't want some arbitrary rule to say it's taken me too long to dialate from 6 to 7 and have them push me into pitocin or something.

I looked into a birth center but our insurance is pretty limited and will ONLY cover the hospital birth. They might pay 40% of a birth center (I'd really have to fight them on it) but that would still leave us paying around $1500 (and every dime I spend on the birth is money I can't spend on staying home from work after the baby is born!). If the insurance doesn't help cover the birth center then we can't afford it at all. My insurance won't cover homebirth at all so it's not affordable for us.

I've thought about UC but I just don't feel comfortable with it, mostly because I think my DH would just panic "in the moment" and would be very unhelpful.

Any ideas for me? I'm already planning to go to the hospital as late as possible to avoid as many opportunities for intervention as I can, and I've given birth without medications already so I'm honestly not terribly worried about not being able to do it again, I'm sure I can unless all sorts of crazy interventions are done. My midwife is a good friend and knows how strongly I feel about keeping things as natural and normal as possible.

I just don't really want to have a hospital birth and feel like I don't have any other feasible options.

 

[ilovejeff]

I wish I had some good advice, but I think you're on the right track already re: going to the hospital as late as possible.

I was just ranting to DH this morning about how it's @#$#%$^ that women have to choose their birthing place based on insurance rules. It's my firm belief that every woman should have the right to choose where she births.

:

 

[mkksmom]

I'm having a hospital birth. I love my OB. She delivered my daughter and really pushed the nurse not to have me strapped to the bed. The hospital has a policy where they had to monitor a certain amount of time per hour or something like that. My doc didn't want me laying down because she knew I wanted to avoid interventions. So she fought to have me upright and walking. She also OK'ed me not having an IV, which is rare in that hospital.

I live in NJ, and it's tough to find midwives here, let alone try for a home birth. Insurance issues are majorly annoying here. I wish I could give birth at home. I'm not so worried about interventions as I am about the fact that each day, the baby has to spend 6 am to 9 am in the nursery and that I have seen my nephew come back with a pacifier in his crib, even though my SIL said no paci. They also told me that if my dd didn't nurse for 20 minutes straight by such and such time, I'd have to supplement. I just lied. She'd take like a 5 or 10 minute break and the nurse tried to tell me that I had to start timing all over again. So I lied and said she nursed for 20 minutes. Turns out my daughter was a fast nurser her entire time nursing.

I've thought about traveling an hour to a birthing center, but I can't justify it when I know my doctor is on my side. Now, the risk is that there are 2 docs in the practice, so we'll see who I get at the delivery. I'll alternate docs with each visit, and I have seen her partner for a miscarriage and they are very anti D&C... just let the woman's body take care of things and only give meds if needed, so I think she will be great too.

Sorry to ramble, just to say that I understand the fears of hospital birth. I wish home birth were an easy option here.

 

[Lisa1970]

I am planning on not going to the hospital until absolutely neccesary. Since I have an OB, I figure if I need to go, technically already have one. But, if the baby comes out while I am still at home..opps..and oh well.

Only thing is..if I have that well wanted "accident" and the baby is born at home..how do I explain never going to the hospital after the birth?

 

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 Only thing is..if I have that well wanted "accident" and the baby is born at home..how do I explain never going to the hospital after the birth?

Why would you have to explain it to anyone? For family and friends, you can tell them whatever you want (including the truth

), and who else would need to be told? You don't owe them any explanations when you're filling out the paperwork for the birth certificate either.

 

[murphysaangel]

You sound like you have the right plans in place for avoiding interventions - going in as late as possible, etc. I'm worried too. I had a home birth last time which ended up in a transfer and subsequent c-section, so I am fighting the VBAC fight, as well as having to deal with the fear of being in the hospital altogether. Could you hire a doula to help fend off the nurses? Or enlist a friend or family member to do that (which is free)? Are you worried about specific hospital policies that you know of? Have you spoken to the staff about these policies?

I'd really recommend reading "Your Best Birth" by Rikki Lake and Abby Epstien. I think it comes out this month or next, you could probably pre-order it. Anyway, it's pretty basic stuff but it has great lists of questions to ask the hospital, OB, etc. so that you can prepare yourself on which obstacles might arise. It also sounds like you are comfortable with your midwife as well, which is great. What does she recommend?

I think it's so awful that how and where we birth is dictated by insurance. I guess in some ways I should feel lucky that I get *somewhat* of a choice; I was just speaking to a friend in AU and there (if you want it paid for) you get who you get and you go where you go. There's no choice whatsoever. She was just able to VBAC, though, and was amazed at the experience. So it IS possible to get what we want out of what we are given, but sometimes we have to fight. Be strong, momma!

 

[2boyzmama]

How many midwives have you talked to? In my area they range from kinda pricey to free, and from my understanding, many are often willing to barter goods/services instead of payment. You'll never know unless you ask.

If you don't find anything like that... it sounds like your best bet is to get to the hospital as late as possible, and bring a very strong (preferably loud!) support person with you. Like a body guard...someone who will intervene at the doorway so your husband can be focussed entirely on you and helping you through labor. I used my husband as both roles last time, and I wish I had had a second person there, because a few times he had to leave me to go chase off a nurse, and I almost lost my resolve through those contractions!! I really needed my husband when I was in transition, he's the perfect height for me to grab his collar and sway and moan through contractions, so when he had to leave me, I really struggled!

Prepare your husband as much as possible...get him to watch as many videos as possible, even if it's only labor videos on youtube (but pre-screen them to make sure the ending is positive!). Watch The Business of Being Born together. Talk to him NOW about what you might want during labor, but also prepare him to know that you might change your mind in the moment (that foot rub that sounded sooo heavenly suddenly is driving you mad!)

You can do this, you know you can....

 

[BeanSprout Mama]

Thanks everybody. I'm actually not at all worried about the nurses (I am a L&D nurse at this hospital, actually so the majority of the nurses are my close friends) it's specific policies that I've always hated and specific doctors who are pitocin-happy and intervention-happy that concern me. I should be fine assuming a midwife is all I have to deal with but I know that's not always the case and as much as I like the doctors I work with, I really don't like the way they over-medicalize birth.

I swear I would actually be more comfortable giving birth in the hospital if I didn't work there and know how some (not all, thankfully) of the doctors really seem to just do interventions because they can, and not because they are necessary.

There is only one birth center where I live and I'd prefer that because we live pretty far from a decent hospital and unfortunately I know from my job how much every second counts when you have one of those rare emergencies. I've called 3 homebirth midwives, one was not available and the other two quoted prices I couldn't afford.

It is so sick and twisted that women in this country have to make birthing decisions based on money, it's just wrong!

 

[Spring Sun]

I had the same problem (you can search the August ddc for my post on it). I found out that most midwives will do barter. So if you have any skill, or if your dh does, or if you are just willing to clean or work around her yard, etc...you can find someone that will trade with you. Best of luck!

 

[mom2tig99Nroo03]