[lovemybubus]

I was talking to my friend, him and his wife had an u/s this morning. They were feeling relieved that everything looks good so far. I was congratulating them. I too am pregnant with my 3rd. It's their first. Anyway, my first ended in an emergency c-sec, my second was also a c-sec. While I feel good about my other parenting choice, AP, co-sleeping, EBF, etc..the c-secs still make me feel sad. Anyway, he was telling me that his wife is nervous that she might have to have one (her ideal is natural birth) she's just thinking "what if" so I tried to comfort him/them and tell them that I believed in a woman's body, etc.. He says to me, "Yeah, but you know how it goes, you would have liked to have given birth to your kids." Ouch. Um...they were born. I feel inadequate enough without comments like this. Especially while I have been meditating, reading, you name it about VBAC. My feelings are hurt. I try to support them, yet I feel that a lot of times (this is one instance) they are not required to be as tactful as I am to them, kwim? Thanks for letting me vent. Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones?

 

[TefferTWH]

I think that if you already regret the loss of a vaginal, natural birth, his comment might seem cutting to you. However, it just seems that he's changing the voice from active (as in I gave birth vaginally) to passive (as in a c section was done to me), and it truly doesn't seem like he was out to hurt your feelings, just to describe the difference between the last few minutes of your babies' births. I think it's like not being able to BF or having difficulties, you do everything you can, know that you tried to do it and then live with the feeling that you lost out despite your best efforts and are sensitive. I know I am about my BFing difficulties, and I tend to take things to heart when i wouldn't if it had gone the way I wished it to, KWIM?

 

[Full Heart]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TefferTWH However, it just seems that he's changing the voice from active (as in I gave birth vaginally) to passive (as in a c section was done to me), and it truly doesn't seem like he was out to hurt your feelings, just to describe the difference between the last few minutes of your babies' births.

Thats how I read it too. I probably would have asked him to clarify.

 

[MaryLang]

Having had 3 c/s's and preparing for my 4th, I understand why you took that comment hard. I agree he probably didn't mean it to sound harsh, and also not to be too sexist, being a guy he might not understand just what a touchy subject that is. Which is why I like the terms, c-birth or belly birth. You did give birth. There is a wonderful, supportive thread in Finding Your Tribe, Moms of children by c-section, check it out.

 

[lovemybubus]

thanks!