Feeling so guilty...

525 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by ~*~MamaJava~*~, Jun 12, 2004

~~MamaJava~~

Discussion Starter · Jun 11, 2004

...I am expecting #2 in late August, when DS will be about 14.5m. I have been going thru periods of feeling horrible about it, because I feel like he's going to miss out big time.
I know I can "take care" of two babies, as far as feeding/diapering etc goes, but I don't know if I can really care for two babies in the sense of quality time. I am a stay at home mom, so that obviously helps. I know I can neglect housework etc, but that has to get done anyway.

Is anyone else having a second/third etc and feeling like they're ripping off older kids?
This is really weird to me, because DH and I want a bigger family (eg 5 or 6 kids) and did want to have them fairly close together (more like 18m-2y apart though). This pregnancy wasn't planned...I was really upset when I got pregnant. Ended up weaning DS because I couldn't handle being pg and nursing.
I love this new baby and I am excited about it. I did want to have a baby this year, just later.
I feel guilty- and then I feel guilty about feeling guilty. This is ridiculous, and sad. I am generally pretty happy, but DS turns 1 tomorrow and I feel like HE's still a baby, and he's going to be so sad when mommy brings home a new one.
Any ideas on how to prepare him? And myself?
Thanks for 'listening'.

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4under6

· #2 · Jun 11, 2004

My first two babies were 12.5 months apart in age, so I can relate. You'd be surprised at how easily everyone can adapt, though. My first was so young that she barely even seemed to notice the baby, or care, really.
The thing that makes the biggest difference is to get help from family and friends when you can get it. That, to us, made a huge difference in how we were able to "balance" things for the babies.

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oceanbaby

· #3 · Jun 11, 2004

Mine are going to be 3y2m apart, and I have a lot of feelings of guilt. I think it goes along with the territory regardless of the age difference!

I feel like I'm betraying ds somehow, bringing another baby in to take me away from him. I know that's not how it is, but that's how it feels sometimes. When I lay in bed with him at night, reading books, having him drift off to sleep in my arms, I think about how I may not be able to do this if the baby starts crying, needs to nurse, etc.

I'm just choosing to have faith that it will all work out. I am 3.5y older than my sister, and I certainly don't have any memories of jealousy or feeling like she stole my mom from me.

To be honest, most moms I've talked to say they end up feeling guilty that the baby gets the secondary attention because their toddler is so much more demanding of it. My neighbor always feels bad that she can't let her baby sleep whenever she wants, because she's got to deal with taking her toddler to the zoo or the park or just getting out of the house.

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Threefold

· #4 · Jun 12, 2004

My ds will be 3.5 when the baby is born and I am feeling much the same way. Especially what oceanbaby described about falling asleep together. Ds has been going through periods of being angry with me, and I wonder how much of it has to do with normal 3 year old stuff and how much has to do with his ability to know that things will change when the baby is born.

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mirthfulmum

· #5 · Jun 12, 2004

My son will be close to 2 and a half when our second son is born and I definately have guilt pangs from time to time.

I love spending my time with him. I love that I can curl up with him at nap time and listen to his gentle breathing. I love that I can spend half an hour at the park just pushing him on the swing. I love that I can just be his mom.

I too am totally and completly excited to be having another little guy on the way. But there is a part of me that is sad that this part of our relationship will soon be over.

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~~MamaJava~~

Discussion Starter · #6 · Jun 12, 2004

I guess that's really it - our special little relationship stage called "only one" is almost over. Today Timothy turns 1 and I am happy - but I'm a basket case too! I think that's contributing to all this guilt - first birthdays are kinda strange. Great, but sad because baby's not a baby anymore.

And pregnancy hormones!!!

My DH thinks I'm kind of crazy these days...

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