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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why have 2 people (who I love and are so supportive) asked me recently if I could "feel the presence of the baby" in a way that sounded like they were excited for me to say "yes". Let me tell you how I have been feeling the presence of the baby -- throbbing headaches almost everyday for the last month, another minor but annoying health issue, and also canceling plans for a trip to Greece -- I am NOT resentful of the baby for "doing these things to me" BUT I have just been rather consumed by trying to make my own self comfortable while keeping up with responsibilities. I have never been either a very spiritual person or someone who is in touch with energies. DH is a self-taught reiki "master" to use the term loosely. Some people have these gifts but I believe that I have others and am 100% devoted in everyway to the baby and plan to become a SAH mom after completing my PhD within the next year. I am a scientist and a very practical rational, rather than emotional/feeling person. No one doubts my committment to the baby but I do find these questions about feeling the presence of the baby odd and somewhat intrusive. This is my first pregnancy so I guess these are some of the weird comments that one has to get used to, oh, and also being told I don't "look pregnant" since I am very petite and this is my first -- it is hard to tell, but so what!
:

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I feel better to have it off my chest!

Does anyone else not "feel the presence" or am I the only "out-of-touch" one?
 

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Rant away- this is the place for it


I only wish people would ask me something like that- the only thing people have asked me is if I'm planning to get an epidural and how soon.

I can't say I'm really 'feeling the presence'- I think once I feel movement it will be different. Even though I've heard the heartbeat, it's still kind of abstract.

It's hard when the people around you are in a different frame of mind than you are and aren't being the most sensitive with their comments. But from this posting and others, it sounds like you are very sure of yourself, who you are, and how you feel about this pregnancy!
 

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I definitely understand how annoying it is to have people expect you to think/feel/act a certain way about pregnancy. Apparently everyone thinks I should be really upset because this is my third unplanned but not unwanted pregnancy and I am actually really excited/happy/at peace.
To heck with them. Feel the way you feel and be the way you are and don't let anyone tell you different.
 

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Hugs to you, plagio. I understand what you mean. I'm just not in a great state of mind these days - work is stressful, I haven't been feeling great, and I'm not really at the part where I'm enjoying my pregnancy as much as I want to be.

I do feel the presence of the Turkey and I talk to it, and I *knew* I was pregnant before I knew because one day sometime post-ovulation my breasts got all hot and felt engorged like they did when I was nursing Sam, so I just knew there was someone there. But do I feel like I have a deep connection yet? No, not really. Once I start feeling movements and can get a sense of personality, it will all be much more real. And I'll be in a better state of mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Aww - thanks ladies, you all are sweet and it makes me feel better. I am confident and not too easily rattled so then when I do get rattled by these little comments maybe I let it get to me too much.

Yes, Samsmama, when you are not feeling 100% (or even 50% sometimes) I think it's most important to tend to the physical needs of yourself (and by extension the baby) rather than "communing" with the baby in some kind of sceane (OK, I am being harsh here!) Like when your body says "blood sugar dropping NOW) I trust that baby wants me to eat NOW and I get off my ass and do, rather than try to meet the baby on some higher plane of existence. And, you reminded me, how much I, too, felt the presence of the baby even when i was getting all those negative HPT results (yes, I started testing too early). I "knew" practically from the moment "did it" -- I had forgotten about that.

And, DinD, that must be annoying, we had an umplanned but not unwanted pregnancy in our family recently and she just had the baby today! I can't wait to hear more about it. Sometimes I find myself saying very little when I hear about people's situations (like this unplanned preg.) because I don't want to say the "wrong" thing -- like I never assumed she didnt want it, but I had also had some indication from the family that it was tough for her at the time so I didn't want to be overenthusiastic, of course it all worked out in the end.
 

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I felt so dazed and confused with my first pregnancy and looking back I guess that was the "feeling the presence of the baby." I literally felt like my head was a baloon attached to my body on a mile long string... I felt that out of touch because apparently his presence was that strong. Now knowing my son, I can see why I felt that way when he was in my body. It's almost like his spirit was competing for space with mine (but not in a negative battling sort of way). He is so full of energy and personality it kind of displaced me for a while when he was pregnant.

I can't say that I necessarily feel the presence of this baby yet (and I am a pretty spiritualistic kind of a person), but then again a lot has been going on so I don't know how focused I have really been on it. From finishing school and graduating and then going through morning sickness to now moving to a completely new area and knowing no one... all this while chasing a growing toddler... like I said a lot has been going on. But I definitely feel differently than I did with ds. I still have pregnancy induced brain farts every so often but it's nothing like the totally out of touch spacieness I felt with ds. And if comparing the feelings from both pregnancies (thus far), I would have to say that the "presence" of this baby is definitely calm and serene. Kind of like the feeling you would get when you walk into a clearing in the woods and out of the mist walks a fawn grazing next to its mother.

Anyway, sorry people are getting on your nerves. I was so outraged at the STUPID and INCONSIDERATE things that people would say when I was pg the first time that I guess I lost my cool a lot. Swore at a couple of people but really felt justified because they were really crossing a line. No one should ever say anything to make you feel the way these people are so IMO tell 'em off! (that's just me though).
 

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I'm feeling this little one very strongly- Alex, not so much, Isaac, not at all. Every so often I get this mental image of a foetus burying his head in his hands and going "I can't believe she just said that." :LOL: and sundry others...which I don't think are coming just from me. Then again, this little one is so active compared to my others, I don't get much of a chance to ignore...
 

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First of all, sorry to hear that you ended up cancelling the trip to Greece! You'd mentioned that planned trip in the weekly chat I think, and I was hoping that things would be good enough so that you could go.

As far as being annoyed at the comments/questions--is it annoying because it makes you feel like you should be feeling something that you're not or that you're missing out on something that other people are experiencing, or that THEY (the people who asked you) think that? Feel free to say if I'm way off base here.

As far as feeling the presence of the baby--I believe that this is possible, and that certainly the farther you get along in a pregnancy the better sense you get of your individual baby. Some of this is just a matter of habits--does the baby move a lot? Does it react a lot to stimuli? When does it tend to sleep/wake up? As a midwife, more than once a baby has gotten hiccups at some point in the first hours/day postpartum, and the mom has laughed and looked at the clock and said, "Yep, it's one o'clock! He always gets the hiccups at about this time every night!" So as the pregnancy goes on and the baby gets bigger and more apparent, just about everybody will have SOME sense of the baby! I think when this happens varies greatly from person to person.

I've poked a lot of pregnant bellies and sometimes prenatally or during birth I've gotten a really strong sense of the baby's spirit or personality or temperment, and sometimes, zippo! So I really think that some of this depends on the sensitivity of a person, but I think a lot of it really depends on the individual baby (hey, some people just have stronger personalities than others, why wouldn't that be true with a baby in-utero too?) Whether you believe in a soul or spirit AT ALL is a highly individual spiritual/religious/philosophical matter, and when the spirit/soul enters the body and the fetus becomes a "person" is also highly controversial and different religions teach radically different things about this--obviously G-Dubya's branch of Christianity teaches that at the moment of conception, it's a person. The American Sikh's believe that the soul enters the body 120 days after conception. Judaism teaches that the baby becomes a person 8 days after birth. Anyway, it's a highly individual and personal matter of belief, which, come to think of it, could also be why you are finding the question so annoying--maybe their assumption is at odds with your own beliefs?

Away from the philosophy and onto the personal--I'm going to be 18 weeks in a couple of days, and I am not having any great spiritual revelations about my baby! I have started feeling movement, and I can tell that (s)he apparently likes lying sideways behind and facing my bladder, and poking it with hands and feet from time to time! I am experiencing the baby as somewhat distinct and separate from myself at this point as it gets bigger and is making itself more obvious! The one spiritual thing I can say is that I have the idea that the baby is a girl, although I very well may be wrong, and the perfect girl name for this particular baby came to me out of thin air at 5 weeks, although I'd never even heard the name to my knowledge and it turns out it's a Hindu name! (DH is Indian.)

So there's my novel! :LOL If it makes you feel any better, I'm suspecting that I'm letting things bother me too much too and perhaps overreacting a bit, as I've been annoyed and enraged by a number of people this week, including my mother, DH, and one of my closest friends!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Kavita -- yes, it is too bad to miss the trip but I feel a lot better that we stayed here. I guess the time was just not right.

Your post was really well put. I am looking forward to feeling the baby move and then will certainly feel the presence. I haven't heard the heartbeat yet but should be able to at my next visit.

I'm feeling a lot less irritable over all now, thank goodnes . . .
 
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