My tummy is finally bigger now, which I was excited about. But my entire pregnancy, every time I stand, I feel exhausted. I have so little energy. I spend most of the day in bed. Now when dh and I tried to have sex the other night, it was so, not good because of the oddity if my tummy in between. I do not recall these problems with past babies, but maybe it is because I am older? Not sure. Now, even when I do try to be playful with dh, he seems irritated rather than interested. I know it is not helping things that I spend most my time laying around. How can any man be interested in the fat lazy woman who lays in bed all day while he works, cooks, cleans, etc? He has not said any of that to me, but I just feel awful. Any suggestions? I would like at least enough energy to walk around the block. Or maybe be more playful when with dh so we can do something. Or even get around the tummy. If we feel this way at 19 weeks, what will 24 and 28 and 30 and so on be like?
Feeling undesirable
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thanks for this. i have been debating on posting on this topic for a few days now.
i feel completely undesirable even though my DP has made every effort to let me know he still thinks i'm hot. what a guy. but even if in my head i really want to be intimate in any way, my body is just not following suit.
last time he wanted to, i just could not get into it and let him know, i knew he was disappointed but i also don't want to force it all.
early on sex was literally painful for me, something about the way my cervix is shaped my midwife said. now it is not painful, but it isn't enjoyable either. not at all. i just go through the motions and i'm pretty broken up about it.
there are all these books and such that say this is supposed to be a great time for sex, and that orgasms are wonderful, but that just makes me feel abnormal.
i feel like i won't be intimate and close with him again til way after the baby and that sucks.
i feel completely undesirable even though my DP has made every effort to let me know he still thinks i'm hot. what a guy. but even if in my head i really want to be intimate in any way, my body is just not following suit.
last time he wanted to, i just could not get into it and let him know, i knew he was disappointed but i also don't want to force it all.
early on sex was literally painful for me, something about the way my cervix is shaped my midwife said. now it is not painful, but it isn't enjoyable either. not at all. i just go through the motions and i'm pretty broken up about it.
there are all these books and such that say this is supposed to be a great time for sex, and that orgasms are wonderful, but that just makes me feel abnormal.
i feel like i won't be intimate and close with him again til way after the baby and that sucks.
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I can't say anything about what might be going on with you, but I can say I myself have felt MUCH better when I manage to get outside in the sun and at least go for a 20-30 minute walk each day. Something about the sun, the fresh air, the exercise..makes you feel better, and feeling better can lead to other more, playful things!
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Strongfeather,
you are probably right, but you know it's been pretty cold for my pregnancy thus far and even lately just rainy and grey. You are in the boston area like me, so i know you get it.
also working and moving and all of those things don't help.
i am hoping starting prenatal yoga will help with my libido as well.
you are probably right, but you know it's been pretty cold for my pregnancy thus far and even lately just rainy and grey. You are in the boston area like me, so i know you get it.
also working and moving and all of those things don't help.
i am hoping starting prenatal yoga will help with my libido as well.
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I totally hear you guys! I have just felt. . .not into it. In the first trimester it was painful, now its not, but I still can't conjure up much libido. Its strange for me and I am sure disappointing to my DH although he had been very understanding. I keep thinking this is our last months to be alone and not sleep deprived we should live it up!!! I guess soon I'll have a bump to navigate around on top of everything else. . .that should make for interesting bedroom antics.
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I think for me its mostly hormonal, but I do think that feeling good about yourself and libido go hand in hand. I know when I spend more time at home doing nothing (in the summers for me) I always feel less interesting and less sexy. I always feel better when I meet with a friend and have a good conversation, or I do something social or something that peaks my intellectual curiosity. Exercise always helps too, but I don't know how much you can do Lisa1970? Can you start a project that will get you excited? Rally some girlfriends to take you out?
I think for me its mostly hormonal, but I do think that feeling good about yourself and libido go hand in hand. I know when I spend more time at home doing nothing (in the summers for me) I always feel less interesting and less sexy. I always feel better when I meet with a friend and have a good conversation, or I do something social or something that peaks my intellectual curiosity. Exercise always helps too, but I don't know how much you can do Lisa1970? Can you start a project that will get you excited? Rally some girlfriends to take you out?
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When DH and I tried to DTD the other day, after about 30 seconds I couldn't STAND it... the pressure literally made me feel like I was suffocating. So I made him get off me. Then I got on top and everything was fine. I'd definitely suggest other positions - on top or from behind, the tummy won't get in the way. But him on top is definitely out until after the baby is born for us.
And I agree with the pp about getting outside. Even if it's gray, walk down to the park or around the block - just a little bit of sunshine and fresh air can make a huge difference in attitude. I've done this the last few days, even though it's raining, and DH has commented on how much more cheerful I am in the evenings. I still wind up taking a 2-3 hour nap every afternoon, but I'm not moping at the moment.
As for how to get more interested... what ways did you use before getting pregnant? I find many of those still work for me. Getting him to show me that he still finds me desirable is always a turn-on for me. Sometimes this involves flashing him, sometimes it involves a full-body hug, or sometimes it just involves me telling him I feel like a fat cow (which he has learned requires him to respond with words of love and attraction).
Oh, and the housework has pretty much been ignored lately. DH doesn't have time to do it and I rarely have the energy. When I do I go on a cleaning spree, and then I don't have energy again for another week.
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And I agree with the pp about getting outside. Even if it's gray, walk down to the park or around the block - just a little bit of sunshine and fresh air can make a huge difference in attitude. I've done this the last few days, even though it's raining, and DH has commented on how much more cheerful I am in the evenings. I still wind up taking a 2-3 hour nap every afternoon, but I'm not moping at the moment.
As for how to get more interested... what ways did you use before getting pregnant? I find many of those still work for me. Getting him to show me that he still finds me desirable is always a turn-on for me. Sometimes this involves flashing him, sometimes it involves a full-body hug, or sometimes it just involves me telling him I feel like a fat cow (which he has learned requires him to respond with words of love and attraction).
Oh, and the housework has pretty much been ignored lately. DH doesn't have time to do it and I rarely have the energy. When I do I go on a cleaning spree, and then I don't have energy again for another week.
Also, remember that sex does not have to be penetration. My husband and I get creative in ways to have pleasure without "traditional" sex
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I have found that sometimes if I force myself to get up, get things done, and pretend to feel human, sometiems it works! I actually start to feel a little human! This pregnancy has been good all around for me, really, but my first pregnancy I spent so much time just laying around with no energy, and really I think I was in some sort of pregnancy depression. But forcing myself to get up and pretend I was normal helped a lot. It might take a few days, but try it...
Otherwise, just be sure to keep the communication lines open. Show your love and appreciation for your husband in other ways, an off hand comment, a back rub, let him pick the tv show one night, join him in the shower and just cuddle under the water. Be sure to tell him why you aren't feeling sexy, be sure he knows it's not him, men get so insecure so quickly!!! And he probably feels helpless...he wants to help you feel better, but can't, and that makes him feel inadequate. Tell him how much you appreciate him!!
I have found that sometimes if I force myself to get up, get things done, and pretend to feel human, sometiems it works! I actually start to feel a little human! This pregnancy has been good all around for me, really, but my first pregnancy I spent so much time just laying around with no energy, and really I think I was in some sort of pregnancy depression. But forcing myself to get up and pretend I was normal helped a lot. It might take a few days, but try it...
Otherwise, just be sure to keep the communication lines open. Show your love and appreciation for your husband in other ways, an off hand comment, a back rub, let him pick the tv show one night, join him in the shower and just cuddle under the water. Be sure to tell him why you aren't feeling sexy, be sure he knows it's not him, men get so insecure so quickly!!! And he probably feels helpless...he wants to help you feel better, but can't, and that makes him feel inadequate. Tell him how much you appreciate him!!
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