[quelindo]

I had my "friend" baby shower on Sunday ("family" shower is next month) and I am amazed by the number of people who got me things I didn't register for and didn't provide a receipt.

I am a very, very careful person who researches everything, and I registered at both Target and USA Baby (to give people options) for a variety of items that we really need. We already have all the clothes we'll need until this kid is about two (Freecycle, mainly), we plan on cloth diapering, we're buying all organic blankets, and we're ordering non-plastic-y type toys.

So what did I get? A disposable diaper cake (from a friend who KNOWS I'm planning on CD'ing), a weird Borg-looking plastic duck, (non-organic) receiving blankets from a friend who threw them in extra "because you can never have too many," and a newborn outfit that includes a sleeper in preemie size (up to seven pounds).

I did receive a few things I registered for, and I was most excited about those items -- a really cool black urban sling-type diaper bag and a mix of things like washable nursing pads and a comb-and-brush set.

Now, I hear myself whining and realize how UNGRATEFUL I sound. But this is my first baby and we really need the things we registered for. It took me half an hour to disassemble the diaper cake (all the while feeling sick from the perfume smell) just so I can donate the diapers to a women's shelter.

The funny thing is that I expected this from my "family" shower, but not my "friend" shower.

Okay, go ahead and tell me that there are lots of women out there who would be thrilled to be getting any presents for their new baby -- I can take it.

 

[babycarrier]

I'm sorry you didn't get the things you were hoping for. My mother wants to have a shower as we didn't with ds1. At first it sounded so exciting. Now I'm trying to find a tactful way to say, hey let's get together to celebrate the birth of this baby but, please no gifts. Not that we don't need anything, but I don't want 10 bottles of j&j baby wash and boxes of sposies "well, ya never know when you'll need them." Actually, I do know when I'll need them - NEVER!

Hope your family shower is more to your liking.

 

[Charles Baudelaire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by New Mama I had my "friend" baby shower on Sunday ("family" shower is next month) and I am amazed by the number of people who got me things I didn't register for and didn't provide a receipt. I am a very, very careful person who researches everything, and I registered at both Target and USA Baby (to give people options) for a variety of items that we really need. We already have all the clothes we'll need until this kid is about two (Freecycle, mainly), we plan on cloth diapering, we're buying all organic blankets, and we're ordering non-plastic-y type toys. So what did I get? A disposable diaper cake (from a friend who KNOWS I'm planning on CD'ing), a weird Borg-looking plastic duck, (non-organic) receiving blankets from a friend who threw them in extra "because you can never have too many," and a newborn outfit that includes a sleeper in preemie size (up to seven pounds). I did receive a few things I registered for, and I was most excited about those items -- a really cool black urban sling-type diaper bag and a mix of things like washable nursing pads and a comb-and-brush set. Now, I hear myself whining and realize how UNGRATEFUL I sound. But this is my first baby and we really need the things we registered for. It took me half an hour to disassemble the diaper cake (all the while feeling sick from the perfume smell) just so I can donate the diapers to a women's shelter. The funny thing is that I expected this from my "family" shower, but not my "friend" shower. Okay, go ahead and tell me that there are lots of women out there who would be thrilled to be getting any presents for their new baby -- I can take it.

No, I'm not going to. I'm one of those people who actually and sincerely would prefer to receive NOTHING than to receive an ill-thought gift not meant for me or what I need. That actually angers me a great deal and offends me heartily, whereas people who get me nothing ...it's not a big deal.

Personally, can you say "regift"? I have never regifted so much in my life as I have since my kid was born. I've regifted plastic crud, ugly stuff, inappropriate toys, and -- well, you name it. The women's shelter will be GRATEFUL to get the diaper cake, believe me -- and you might think of tossing in those receiving blankets just in case.

Take care. Sorry for the idiot gifts.

 

[heldt123]

Sorry your shower was a bit of a bummer, I'm sure the people ment well. Some people just don't get the idea of doing things differently.

Same thing happend to me with my first, and yes, I was a little annoyed. We got about 3-4 months worth of disposable diapers, bottles, and poorly sized baby outfits (6 month size summer outfits when my son would be six months old at Christmas time

). Of course I was grateful for the stuff we recieved, but people sort of assume that you don't know what you really want and buy what they think you should have.

My work shower for #1 was kind of cool, though. Everyone put money together to get me a gift certificate to a local furnature store to buy a glider/rocker.

I'm actually a bit relieved that no one has brought up a baby shower this time, so I don't have to worry about a bunch of useless stuff.

 

[Jaimep]

One thing I would do is that, you might actually want to save 10 disposables in different sizes for emergency purposes. Like when you don't get the diapers washed in time and run out. Or you might want a few to stick in the diaper bag, for a day when you are going to be out and about ALL DAY and don't want to mess with poopy, wet diapers in your bag all day. Just a thought.

As for the blankets, I second the Re-gift idea. Save them with the tags on and pass them on to someone who doesn't care if they are organic.

Maybe for the family shower, you can tell people casually "man I REALLY need X that we registered for from Target." Things like that.. Tell your mom or your family when you talk to them. Since you have already had one shower, you can bring the subject up by telling them Oh I got X, Y and Z it was so fun... I still need M, N, O.... etc..

 

[ChelseaG]

I second the re-gifting idea - I have an entire closet of stuff I have gotten over the years of birthdays, holidays, etc and more stuff from my recent baby shower - just waiting for the right occasion to happily bestow it onto someone else! I too got a lot of things at my shower that I didn't register for and the gifters didn't provide the gift receipts! I think that is so rude - when someone is specificially telling you what they want by registering and then getting something totally not on it and not giving an option to return - half the stuff I don't even know what store it came from! Ugh! I could understand if you only registered at some shi-shi out of the way place - but come on, there is a Target on every corner practically - it is not like they are hard to find -
I feel for you new mama and your frustration is valid.. hope you get some better stuff from your family!

 

[CandyR]

Don't regift a gift you hate. Yuck. That is exacly why you got all that crap - they were regifting it to you! Don't pay it forward. Only regift duplicates of good stuff.

Doesn't the evil giant (Wal-Mart) still take returns/exchanges without a receipt? Also, if those receiving blankets are cotton flannel, I'd use them to sew up some cloth diapers. Any sewing mama would love to have them.

For everything else, take it to a shelter or your local WIC office.

 

[nabigus]

We've got a party coming up, and I fear the same thing will happen to us. (eg, we inherited mountains and mountains of baby clothes, but I'm sure we'll get more.) I'm not sure it's rudeness that inspires people to give off-registry gifts with no receipt, but just differences in taste ("gosh, if she'd seen cute thing x, SURELY she would have wanted it!") or general cluelessness. Maybe giving gift receipts is one of those things you do when you've been burned yourself--like RSVPing to other people's weddings promptly after you had 4 "surprise" guests at your own. (yup, that's me.)

As long as they've got the tags on them, you can do a quick internet search to see who carries them, then could try for store credit or exchange. I exchanged some duplicate board books we got that way.

Best of luck. Hope the family one goes better.

 

[chiro_kristin]

Yeah, I'm on both sides here, in that, I haven't had anyone offer me a shower! And this is my 1st baby!!! (My family and friends are all two states away though so I forgive them and I haven't had time to make many friends here)

But I wouldn't want crap either. I'm actually scared by dh's aunts... they keep talking to him about stuff they want to get us - crap I don't want! I have a very small list of things I need.

Farmlife, maybe you can suggest that you'd like a blessingway instead of a shower! They're really neat and don't involve game-playing and gifts at all.

 

[carrietorgc]

I hear you - this is baby #2 for us. With the first, family and friends were VERY GOOD about buying from the registry - we were very blessed and it rocked!

This time, i just had a small family shower and 99% of people did NOT buy from the registry. And the bummer thing is, half the time i can't figure out where to return the clothes too. So the stuff that is the right seasons/sizes I just kept, and exchanged what I could for the correct size.

I try to remember that it is very sweet of them to remember us, but i don't need ten million picture frames (no matter how cute), or more blankets/sheets (which is why they weren't on the registry!). Anyway, i hear you. We didn't get diapers though - yay! I think everyone knows we use cloth. Personally, i blame the hormones

for making this such a frustrating situation! I was just talking about this with my bf taht is due with #1 soon.

 

[TanyaMT]

I'm with the others - donate what you don't want.

I got a lot of that type of stuff I couldn't use too but I was sympathetic. Some of my family just couldn't afford better (organic is usually a lot more expensive) and really just didn't understand paying as much PER DIAPER for my cloth diapers, not understanding I used the same ones 3 years later. They meant well and I took it that way.

Tanya

 

[Abylite]

Hello,

I just had my "work" baby shower yesterday...my favorite gift was the $100 gift card to baby's r us...we can buy a high chair, etc. They meant well, but I opened lots of "semi-useless" gifts....baby shoes....burp clothes, lots of girl 0-3month outfits, etc. Some I know were purchased in this "boutique" baby store in town...so I'll have to keep those. One blanket had the tag on...so i think I can get credit at JC penney's (the little me brand??)

My family one is coming up. I've been checking our registry...got the car seat....but nothing else on the list...yet!! Will I get lots of girl clothes and not what I really need!???

 

[heldt123]

Yeah, what's up with baby shoes anyway. People buy them because they are cute, but they are the most useless waste of money I've ever recieved. You struggled to get them on your baby's tiny curled feet only to have them kidked off 20 seconds later. And for what? They don't walk anyway.....

 

[Mama Coltrane]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. We were lucky with our ds in that people bought off of our registry. Sure, we got a couple of things that I could have done without, but generally it was great stuff that we really wanted.
Ummm- another suggestion for the stuff is bringing it to a consignement shop and selling it for trade. If the tags are still on , it will go for more and maybe you can find some other stuff you want. The consignment shop near us has alot of mainstream stuff, but I also score cloth diapers, covers and really nice clothes there. just a thought..... With your relatives and people that you feel like you can be really honest with who haven't purchases anything yet, just spell out exactly what you want. I tell my Mom all the time exactly what we want, brand and everything. She would rather spend her money on something we are going to keep. She always throws in al ittle something she picked out herself. She has great taste, so we like that stuff too.
I agree about the diapers though. I use cloth, but there are occasional times ( traveling, didn't do wash, etc ) when a disposable comes in handy. Maybe hold on to a few??
- Kerri

 

[Kseabose]

I have never had big shower "issues", mostly because the one shower I had for each child (I was totally grateful for that one!) were small and good friends. But this time everyone at the barn insists on throwing me a shower -- 40 people, creekside from 11-4. How long is that in the hot SC sun? (with heat index it was 104 degrees this past week). But she is the consummate hostess and so I will accept graciously. The other shower that the kids want to throw for the kids & moms will be much more relaxed. I hadn't registered anywhere because #1, I literally have nothing this time around (except what my fabulous baby shower partner sent me!) and #2 people buy what they want. I have this fantasy of buying a Mountain Buggy stroller - granted, an unrealistic over-priced one but the only thing that was costly. I bought a sling for the baby, used on Ebay -- total was $11.64. I bought a new car seat, cheaper online. And that's kind of all I want. I'm too old to care about other stuff. But after reading what you ladies' mentioned about registering, combined with another friend who is also hosting this big shower next week, maybe I should register somewhere. I think the local Target might be an option. I can even do that online!

Don't feel bad about gifts you can't use -- merely donate them or regift to someone who has different expectations for their baby. I would and do. But don't waste your energy on justifying or feeling guilty. Surely NOT worth all that much!

 

[Korwynne]

you know - it's really sad to read this thread. Some of us have dealt with infertility, some of us have lost children, some of us have had difficult pregnancies, some have husbands overseas in the military.. some of us don't have loved ones near.. some are isolated and don't really have close friends.

Consider yourself blessed that you're pregnant, you're going to be a mother, that you've got friends and family who chose to throw you a shower, and stop the whining. No one HAS to give you a darned thing - you're the one who chose to be on the path that you're on - and if you CHOOSE to do more expensive things like cloth diaper (upfront it is more expensive than picking up a pack of diapers to gift to someone), use organic whatever, all natural toys.. well then, that's your choice - and I respect it, but I think that if you're so upset about people giving gifts from their heart, then you shouldn't be having a shower. You're going to get things that aren't things you would have chosen, get over it. Regift them, return them, or sell or donate them.

Realize how immature this all sounds... if you're incapable of gratitude that someone wants to give you a gift to welcome your child to the world and wants to celebrate their impending arrival with you without stomping your foot and pouting because it wasn't something you wanted, then you need to grow up. Heck, my 3 year old has better manners than that.

We had a shower with Lindsey, and yes, I got lots of things I chose not to use for whatever reason. It's par for the course. I can't imagine being such a spoiled brat about those things - I was greatful for the thought behind them, and humbled that people cared enough to bring my baby gifts. With Joshua, we did a baby welcoming party - gifts weren't expected - what was important to me was introducing my son to the people that matter in my life. With this one, I'm having a blessing.. it's my last birth, another c-section, and I need to feel connected with other women.. and to feel the love and support.

Gifts are gifts. If you cannot accept them graciously, then you need to not accept them at all.

 

[quelindo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Korwynne you know - it's really sad to read this thread. Some of us have dealt with infertility, some of us have lost children, some of us have had difficult pregnancies, some have husbands overseas in the military.. some of us don't have loved ones near.. some are isolated and don't really have close friends. Consider yourself blessed that you're pregnant, you're going to be a mother, that you've got friends and family who chose to throw you a shower, and stop the whining. No one HAS to give you a darned thing - you're the one who chose to be on the path that you're on - and if you CHOOSE to do more expensive things like cloth diaper (upfront it is more expensive than picking up a pack of diapers to gift to someone), use organic whatever, all natural toys.. well then, that's your choice - and I respect it, but I think that if you're so upset about people giving gifts from their heart, then you shouldn't be having a shower. You're going to get things that aren't things you would have chosen, get over it. Regift them, return them, or sell or donate them. Realize how immature this all sounds... if you're incapable of gratitude that someone wants to give you a gift to welcome your child to the world and wants to celebrate their impending arrival with you without stomping your foot and pouting because it wasn't something you wanted, then you need to grow up. Heck, my 3 year old has better manners than that. We had a shower with Lindsey, and yes, I got lots of things I chose not to use for whatever reason. It's par for the course. I can't imagine being such a spoiled brat about those things - I was greatful for the thought behind them, and humbled that people cared enough to bring my baby gifts. With Joshua, we did a baby welcoming party - gifts weren't expected - what was important to me was introducing my son to the people that matter in my life. With this one, I'm having a blessing.. it's my last birth, another c-section, and I need to feel connected with other women.. and to feel the love and support. Gifts are gifts. If you cannot accept them graciously, then you need to not accept them at all.

Actually, I DID struggle with infertility for two years and spent $20,000 in the process. And my stepdaughter has Down Syndrome. So my life hasn't been exactly easy, either. You don't know anything about me.

When I made my original post I did say that I was feeling a bit ungrateful. And I DID accept all the gifts graciously and was truly happy that my friends came together for me. I didn't even HINT to my friends that I was anything but ecstatic about the gifts I was given.

But my feelings are my feelings and I needed to vent them somewhere where I thought a few other women might understand, in a forum that would never get back to my friends.

Calling me a spoiled brat is way out of line, IMO.

 

[babycarrier]

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[rainbowmoon]

 

[chiro_kristin]

:

That was a bit harsh, Jodi.

We still love you, but cut us a little slack
pleeeeeeeaase.

And yes we all have our issues, my dear friends, whether we talk about them or not.

Don't read the next paragraph unless you really want to know some of my issues.I have like a million dollars in student loans, and so does dh. We live paycheck to paycheck because we give away half our care to patients and undercharge for the rest because we're actually doctors to help people and not to make money. I have neither money nor time to shop for anything, even online, because after I get done working 60 hours per week I come home and take care of my disabled FIL whom I CAN'T cart around town with me because of his disabilities. DH and I don't get to go out to dinner or to moviesMy house isn't big enough for stuff I don't need, nor do I have the time to go around returning things, no matter how much the intent is truly and deeply appreciated in my heart. I have no family here, and I've lived here so short of a time and have been working so much that I haven't had time to make casual friends, let alone people I can truly share my heart with. DH can only take so much in the five minutes we have together to talk in bed before we fall asleep (and sometimes that's reserved for sex). And now the Wiggle Worm is coming, and things have to change, although only God knows how it will all work, but it will. And that's just some of it.

So forgive my little pouts once in a while. I'm sure glad you mamas are here for me.

So let's not jump on Jodi too much, everybody. Her words might have been hurtful, but you don't know what her day has been like. Forgive?