[beingmommy]

My DS is 22 months and very sensitive. He is slow to warm to strangers and hates people he doesn't know in his space. He also hates going to doctors and will cry a lot and want to leave when we do. He is not talking yet (has 4 words) but he signs a lot (has probably close to 100 signs by now). He is very interactive with us and constantly "talks" with his signs and vocalizations.

Today he had an osteopath visit and as we were leaving the receptionist, who has always been very nice, said to me, "Can I ask you a question? You're son is autistic, right?"

I was taken aback and said no. She looked mortified and then I had this ridiculous need to make her feel better and I babbled on about how he wasn't talking yet but he was very communicative blah blah blah. The osteopath was standing right there and he said to the receptionist, "Not all kids are interactive with strangers but it doesn't mean they are autistic."

I left ythe office with a pit in my stomach. People often seem to form an attitude about my DS that is negative because he is fairly crabby and slow to warm. It's like they think there must be something wrong with him. But he is such a great little guy! He is smart and funny and plays games with us. He tries to make us laugh. He is very interactive once he knows you.

And I want to add that I am not saying that autism is all negative. It's just this receptonist seemed to be looking at my DS's "negative" behaviors and deciding he must be autistic or something.

It just makes me sad.

 

[ledzepplon]

I'm sorry.

I'm guessing she doesn't have kids, or else she has been learning about autism/has someone with autism in her life and is "seeing" it in places where it doesn't exist. (When I think back on all the foolish things I said or thought before I had kids I get pretty

).

Your son sounds quite a bit like mine--he doesn't always like attention from people he doesn't know, but he's a wonderful kid.

 

[KristyDi]

Umm, yeah that's inappropriate. Hopefully the osteopath let her know that after you left.

 

[earthmama369]

I'm glad your osteopath spoke up, because she was both personally rude and professionally over the line. She may have meant well, but whoa. Not cool.

 

[es1967]

People are so rude.

 

[mariekitt24]

man I'm sorry to hear that. That was wrong of her. It reminds me of all the times I was asked when I was "due" and I wasnt pregnant.

: Fact of the matter is, we ALL say stupid things without thinking sometimes and Im guessing she probably feels really bad about what she said.

 

[accountclosed2]

She obviously didn't know much about children OR children with autism. I remember when the parents of a little by I looked after started voicing concerns about him. He was a bit over 2 at the time. His parents are psychologists, but it was first around that time they started getting concerned. Problem is, I think, that it is difficult to diagnose toddlers, because a lot of the outward signs of autism are things you might very well see in any toddler - it is when they get a little bit older that they stick out (unless, I guess, it is a sudden change, that parents and others who are close to the child will notice). I remember we talked about it a lot, asking the music group leader, the play group teacher. It was just hard to say, a lot of what he did, the 2 1/2 year old I also cared for had done at 2, but grown out of.

DD is one, but she hardly ever talks (babbles, makes noise etc) when we are out, and she is quite still, observing, careful. I always get to hear how "good" she is. Actually, she's always been High Need, and is very noisy and never still at home!

 

[pbjmama]

Very out of line. I'm glad your hcp said something and it sounds like she probably got a firm word after you left too. I'm sure she feels bad about it. I'm sure your ds is a great kid. There are alot of unspoken expectations for children that are very unrealistic.

 

[e'smommy]

hugs mama...this is tough, i have walked in your shoes. My sister (who spends very little time with my ds), brought up her concern to my mother last summer that she thought my ds might have autism, because he didn't always respond to her when she was around him. Didn't bring it up to me (I had to discuss it with her after my mom told me what she had been saying), and still her concern does not seem genuine. Now I find myself obsessing about it at times, and although things point to the fact that my son is typically developing, i still question myself sometimes. If she only knew that amount of stress she put on me by running her mouth about something she knows so little of...She is a elementary school assistant principal, but very out of touch with how children actually develop (she has no children of her own), and she compares my ds to his cousin (whom my sister adores and spends a lot of time with) who is 13 months older, which is really unfair. I finally had to tell myself that i can't let myself be miserable, because that's exactly what she wants...okay, sorry now i'm rambling/venting...but i feel better

, but yes, the receptionist was inappropriate, i hope you don't let it affect you too much

 

[sarahr]

Not being interactive with strangers and crying at the doctors seems totally normal to me. Certainly, that's how our drs visits have always gone.

She was totally rude and inappropriate, but it's no reflection on you or your son.

 

[beingmommy]

Thank you, mamas! I am feeling better about it today.

I think her comment also hit me in a vunerable spot because sometimes I worry about my DS not talking yet. BUT he signs constantly and understands very complex sentences and directions. He is starting to play with other babies in his play group (loves to get them to chase him). He'll go and sit on other playgroup mamas laps and look into their faces. I know he is fine. It is just hard when someone is clearly making what they think is a negative judgment of your baby.

 

[luckygreen713]

Your son sounds much like my 2 dd's. My older dd is almost 3 and she is still uncomfortable around many strangers. Just the other day I took her into my dh's work and one of his co-workers tried to pick her up. My dd reacted very fearfully, kicking and crying and ran to me and wouldn't look up for the rest of the time we were there. The man who tried to pick her up was totally shocked and almost annoyed. He said kids always like him and he asked me what was wrong with her. When I told him nothing, he looked at me like he didn't believe me, like I was hiding something from him. She's very outgoing and loving with people she knows, but very weary of people she doesn't. And she doesn't talk much if she's feeling anxious because of strangers. I was the same way as a child.

Like pp's have said, I'm sure the receptionist feels bad about what she said to you. She probably didn't mean to be rude, but it was out of line. She probably had something said to her after you left. It's good that you're feeling better about it though, and that you've recognized why it got to you so much, that she hit a sensitive spot. Your son sounds normal to me.

 

[Bluegoat]

It was a dumb thing to say. It sounds like she realized it and was mortified though.

 

[KBinSATX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by beingmommy "Not all kids are interactive with strangers but it doesn't mean they are autistic."

Wow that was a great response from the doc!
I don't think it's the receptionists place to diagnose your kid with anything.

DS was (and sometimes still is) very shy but he also was way more empathetic than other kids at a very young age. Sensitive is not bad.

There's a book called 'Parenting the Highly Sensitive Child' that might be a worthwhile read.