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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My midwife and her apprentice did the home visit a couple days ago. I really like them both and have great confidence in them, but for some reason I felt weird about the home visit. Nothing happened to make me feel this way, and in fact I think I was feeling it before they got there. Maybe it's because at my midwife's house, there's cookies and tea and we chat, and at my house it was all business. Maybe it's because DH wasn't there -- he's been at every other appointment but he had to work this time. Maybe it's because my dog was acting like a tool. Or maybe it finally sunk in that these women are going to be around for the most intimate moment of my life so far, and I'm a hugely private person when it comes to stuff like this.<br><br>
I think in my heart I'd rather do a UC. Never really thought I'd feel that way. I'm not going to UC, though, at least for my first birth. But I get the impulse now. Luckily, they're cool with me locking myself in the bathroom the whole time and generally staying out of my way. I think it's good, too, that they came over, so maybe they'll be a more natural presence during the birth.<br><br>
Anybody else have this?
 

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Yeah, it's the home turf thing for me...I can relate. W/my first HB (not first baby though) mw poked around checking where towels were, finding laundry room, etc. I felt a bit, um, strange. I kept telling myself it was 1000X better than a hospital tour.<br><br>
I think it's wonderful they're going to stay out of your way. You sound a lot like me--a very private birther. It's important to keep your sacred space clear. Best wishes on your beautiful birth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
(wow, tea and cookies at your mws?...that sounds delightful!)
 

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My home visit at 36 weeks also seemed a little weird. Everything was great though when the time came.<br><br>
Best wishes for a beautiful birth!<br><br>
~Tracy
 

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yeah, it's normal. Think about the birthing animals---they find a quiet, dark place to birth. You're nesting---just have the midwives wait in another room while you relax during first stage---that's what I did. I'm sure they'll be just fine with that, and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable telling them that. By the time you start moaning with the contractions, I think they come to help and you won't care who's around at that point, you'll only want comfort. But always let your concerns be known---uncover any fears you have and be open about what you expect---this will help labor go smoothly.
 

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It probably would have hit me like that too except that my midwife did ALL of my prenatals in my own home, so the Home Visit itself wasjust like a big ol' party <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Namaste, Tara
 

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My home visit was awkward as well. I can't explain why, it just was not so great as all the visits at my midwife's house. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"><br><br>
It made me doubt them a little, but I tried to put it out of my mind since it seemed to be a case of me thinking too much and not mama intuition. Anyway, when the day came...they couldn't have been any cooler! And, just like your midwives, mine were willing and did stay out of my birth for the most part. They were beyond awesome.
 

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Sorry you are going through this--it's so tough!<br><br>
I had similar issues with my first--not quite sure I wanted UC and getting funky feelings from my midwife all the way through. My advice is to chat with her openly about your issues. For instance, would she be okay really doing nothing and just being in the next room the whole time? Like no fht unless you wanted, not being there during transition and crowning, etc.? Maybe getting your issues out on the table would help? (that's what I did for hb number 2 with a new midwife). Some midwives will say they won't interfere but they mean, except for x, y and z.<br><br>
As a side note, some people say that women won't care who's there when you are in transition. This is not true for all women and was certainly not true for me, so don't ingore your instincts!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">As a side note, I read somewhere in this thread advice to you that you won't care who's there when you are in transition. This is not true for all women and was certain;y not true for me, so don't ingore your instincts!</td>
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Agreed. Some women don't care, and assume therefore that <i>all</i> women don't care. But many women do care, very much.<br><br>
To the OP: I felt exactly the same way! Ahhhh, it's something that isn't talked about much, right? Midwifery is so glorified, you almost feel like you can't admit to being uncomfortable with any aspect of it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> For me, it just brought home that in fact these people <i>weren't</i> people I was 100% at ease with. And unfortunately whatever you feel now will probably be magnified as you open up for the birth.<br><br>
Suggestion: if you don't feel the need to call them yourself for support earlier in labor, wait to have your dh call them when you are well into "laborland" and make sure they know to not disturb you by announcing their presence when they do arrive. Also request that they do not sit around watching you. Neglecting to do those things were two mistakes I made with my hands-off midwife. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> It was still a good birth, but would have been much better if I'd had less distraction with her arrival, and more privacy.
 

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I wonder what I would've felt like had my midwife done a home visit? My midwife in SoCal never went to the home before or after the birth (without an extra fee tacked on). Now I'm a midwife in CO and it's the law we have to do at least one prenatal home visit so we traditionally make that at 36ish weeks. My observation of the moms and their families/friends there at the visit is, "Whoa! It's real! We're having a home birth!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> I've had more than one mom answer the door with really wide eyes like, "You're really coming here so I can have a baby?" LOL, it's fun.
 

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this is a natural part of the end of your pregnancy, you start to feel territorial. it's part of those birthing hormones that make some women clean like mad or shop like mad. (or want to be totally alone for their births)<br><br>
(i always had tea and crackers at my midwife's!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for all your comments... It's good to know that I'm not the only one, and that it isn't my instinct telling me to run for the hills, necessarily. I think I will touch on my need for privacy next time I see my midwife. She's said a lot about it, but I should bring it up that I've been thinking about it.<br><br>
That's makes sense about being territorial. It also explains why I'm so offended by my neighbor right now -- it's an assisted living place (not for elderly, but for a motley mix of folks), and the staff knocked down the fence between us and them a couple days ago with no warning, and no neighborly suggestion that I bring my dog inside! If I hadn't noticed, he would have had a direct opening to take off and/or defend his turf against them, which he seemed interested in doing as they were making a huge racket. It was an old fence and I assume they're replacing it, but so far two days with no work and no boundary between us and them! Sigh. We need to move.
 

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I am normally territorial and private....so I'm a bit apprehensive about the home visit. I wonder if having your midwife *and* her apprentice made the invasive feeling worse. I much prefer dealing w/ ppl one-on-one and am concerned about my mw's birth ass't (haven't met yet).
 

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My home visit is this Thursday. I'm actually excited about it. To me, it signifies the date that it's going to be ok to go into labor. If I go into labor before then, I'd have to go to a hospital. So, I'm looking at it as a milestone.<br><br>
I watched "A Baby Story" for the first time yesterday and I HATED the way the birth was so "procedural." I'm just really excited that I'm going to have other women here that understand my desire for a private, intimate birth and they're going to respect that to give ME the experience that I want!<br><br>
I'm nervous that they're going to find something "wrong" with my house though. Like, maybe it's not clean enough or my bathroom won't be big enough or something like that. As long as that goes well, I'll be fine, I think.<br><br>
I just hope that all my baseboards are clean and my dog isn't chewing on anyone's underwear in the middle of the living room!! hahaha
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sisica</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just hope that all my baseboards are clean and my dog isn't chewing on anyone's underwear in the middle of the living room!! hahaha</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I have the same worry about my place being clean enough during the homevisit. I am going to have DH busy scrubbing both of the bathrooms the night before I am sure!<br><br>
We don't have a dog, but my DD LOVES to wear my underwear on her head or around her neck. Especially when we have people over <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sisica</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just hope that all my baseboards are clean and my dog isn't chewing on anyone's underwear in the middle of the living room!! hahaha</div>
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See, now I think that's what's going to make me feel weird about the home visit. Not that my dogs will be chewing underwear, but that I'm being evaluated in some fashion. I'll feel like things have to be clean enough, good enough, the dogs have to be less insane. I'll be worried about their judgements as they look around, review birth supplies, whatever it is they investigate exactly. Not that they're in my home, but a sense like my home is on display for them. I'm not saying it is, just that according to my internal critical voice, it will be, lol. Last pregnancy all my care was at my home, so the first visit, I was busy making judgements about her while she was making them about me, so I wasn't preoccupied with what she was seeing and after the first visit it was history, ya know? This pregnancy I go to prenatals, with the one home visit which seems purely for the purpose of investigating where I live. Makes me feel put out there for inspection quite a bit more. I'll be there busy trying to see what they're seeing in my home. Maybe midwives who practice in this way should make the FIRST visit at a woman's home to get all our potential sense of judgement out of the way, and then a later one just to catch up, hehe.
 

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>><i>We don't have a dog, but my DD LOVES to wear my underwear on her head or around her neck. Especially when we have people over</i> <<<br><br>
Have our dd's been talking to each other? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>WinterBaby</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">See, now I think that's what's going to make me feel weird about the home visit. Not that my dogs will be chewing underwear, but that I'm being evaluated in some fashion.</div>
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Yes! That's what I felt -- evaluated. I mean, nothing was overt, and in fact, it was probably all in my head. But like, when I commented that my dog would probably have to go sit in the car because he would be too excited to have guests (this is the best option for him unless it's too hot, he just kind of meditates in there) my midwife said, "can't you just tie him up outside?" Which would be the worst thing to do because he'd totally freak out. Which would in turn freak me out. And then they were checking out the baby room and only complimented things, but I felt checked out more than complimented. I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of this whole process of pregnancy, where I'm taking the best care of myself that I can for me and my baby, and yet I'm in the position to have to answer to someone else who's full of advice, some of which is excellent and some of which is impractical and not right for me. So when it comes to my home turf, I really don't want any more advice and judgement. At our regular prenatal visits, she can give advice and I can take it or leave it, but at home, I feel like I'd have to explain myself if I leave it.<br><br>
If that all makes any sense.
 

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You know, the dog takes my step daughter's underwear and hides. But my daughter digs my bras out of the dirty laundry and runs around with them calling them her cuddle wuddle. Now I'm gonna think that's weird or something <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I've had three of my 7 children at home. Two were with midwives who did all my prenatals at my home... one was with one who had office visits, then did a home visit before the birth. I much preferred the first type. Our relationships were much more comfortable and open than the one I had with the midwife that had an office instead of coming to my home the entire pregnancy. I felt odd at our home visit too. And I didn't feel as connected during the birth and afterward as I did with the midwives who would come to my home and get to know the entire family.
 

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My last midwife did all the visits at my home and I think that helps with what you are experiencing now. My mw this time doesn't routinely do home visits until the end, but since there are 3 of us out here, she is going to come to us.<br><br>
Honestly, you may not in the moment be weired out by them being there. My mws were in the same small enclosed porch with me in the pool and I knew they were there, but they didn't bother me. I barely noticed when they took heart tones. I knew they were watching me and taking care of me, ensuring the baby and I were doing well and tolerating labor safely.<br><br>
I was in a 'zone', some refer to a their 'laboring zone', I was really more focused on labor than I was on those around me. It's hard to describe.
 
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