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<p>Today I am about 5wk pg and have a wonderful 3 year old daughter (my first pregnancy). 22nd of September we went for our 13 week scan only to find out we had a mmc and the baby had died at 7 weeks. I was devasted and didn't know if I could face another pregnancy. Now here I am again. I haven't seen my GP yet, as I waited a long time before doing a test. I am experiencing bouts of nausea, but much milder than both previous pregnancies and I am certainly having crazy mood swings. My breasts are barely sensitive and I am having lower abdominal cramps off and on. Though pretty consistently for the past 2 days. I am just not feeling as pregnant as I have felt before. I keep eating things just usually I can't manage with morning sickness just to test (and end up feeling queasy). I have this horrible feeling that either I have an ectopic pregancy and will end up having to rush off to A&E or that this pregnancy will also end. With the mmc we went to the gynae for a 7wk scan and everything was perfect, just a few days later the baby died.</p>
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<p>I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how I will get through the next 8 weeks and if I will get through the next 8 weeks. I have been reading everyones posts on this page and it really helps to not feel alone in this. The DH keeps trying to make me feel better about things, but everyone did that last time when I felt there was something wrong. I don't know how I am going to get out of this spiral.</p>
 

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<p>I could say almost the same thing about how I feel. I have had 3 children and 7 losses. I am 5w pg today, too. I've only had maybe one instance of morning sickness. Yesterday, I suddenly felt like I was going to vomit. I ran to the bathroom but nothing happened. I was able to eat a piece of bread and I felt better. I haven't felt anything since, not even the slightest bit of nausea or food aversion. Part of my problem with the nausea is that I take a medication that was making me nausea anyway. Once I got pg the nausea actually stopped. So now I don't know if any regular nausea I may get is from the pg or my meds (which I have to take to, hopefully, stay pg). The only symptom I have is that my breasts are swollen and slightly tender.</p>
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<p>I keep taking hpts just so I can make sure the line on the test is still dark. Today's line was darker than the control, which is a good sign for now. With many of my early losses, the lines on my hpts didn't get darker or got darker for a few days and then began to get lighter so I know that means I will miscarry. Seeing dark lines on the tests gives me some peace at least for that day. However, I have also had later losses where everything seemed to be fine. I got very dark test lines on hpts as late as about 6w and some random ones even later and I still miscarried.</p>
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<p>I'm supposed to get an u/s in at 6-7w to check for heartbeat. It's so hard waiting for that with the fear every day that I will start spotting or my test won't be dark anymore. Even if I do see a heartbeat on that u/s, I won't feel completely out of the woods since I've had one 11w loss when the baby had died at about 8w. I didn't have an u/s then but it's pretty safe to assume the baby had a heartbeat because it wouldn't have continued to grow that long if it hadn't.</p>
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<p>I'm trying to stay as positive as possible. Whenever a thought that I might lose this baby pops into my head, I immediately change it to a thought that this baby will survive and I will have a healthy baby next summer. I don't hope or pray that that will happen. I think it as if I know it just will. I talk to the baby in my head, telling it to keep growing and keep snuggling in. I tell it that it is strong and healthy and will survive. That's all I can do.</p>
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<p>I hope you can find some peace.</p>
 

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<p>PAL is wreaked with anxiety and fears. I thought that once I saw the HB on an early u/s and passed my milestone date that I would feel better...and I did feel some better but there is always this little voice in the back of your head that warns you about all that could happen regardless of how much you try to tune it out. I had a m/c at 6w5d in Sept and am now 9 weeks. Even though my belly is growing and I have severe MS ~ I still sometimes feel like it is a bit of an out-of-body experience when I tell people I am pregnant. After lurking/reading here I have learned that is kind of routine when dealing with PAL. There is just an innocence lost that you never get back.</p>
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<p>The one thing said to me that kind of helped ~ take each day that you are not bleeding or miscarrying and be thankful for that day that you are still pregnant and close to your little bean. Focus on that one day and take each day individually. Once I started doing that time started to speed up for me and my anxiety started to ease. It also helped with the severe MS kicked in because I became too involved with being sick to think about being scared...and the severe MS started this last week (8 weeks) at 5 and 6 weeks I only had little moments of feeling kind of sick to my stomach and maybe puked once at 6 weeks. Now I am puking often and can barely even think about eating without getting myself sick to my stomach...so hang in there!</p>
 
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