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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I want to ask this to find out if it's normal or not. Please don't judge me.

DD is 11 months now and BF with *some* solid foods when she feels like it. I love BFing, have since the day she was born
however occasionally (more so recently since she is teething) if she is latched on and comfort nursing (read: not eating, since she dried me up already) I get these uncontrollable feelings of rage. It's a very uncomfortable feeling of being sucked dry, literally, and chewed on and it sends "heeby-jeeby's" throughout my body, and basically I get feelings of wanting to throw her across the room sometimes.


I met a great new friend recently who mentioned she gets the feelings too, so I felt normal about it, but until then I didn't tell anyone, even DH about it. It doesn't feel normal though, which is why it worries me.

It seems to be getting worse lately and now isn't only when I'm BFing. DD is teething hardcore and has been a every 1-2hr night waker since 6 months and usually only BFing will get her back to sleep. I'm usually so exhausted I let her, but by the 4/5th waking, I can't take it anymore and get those feelings of rage. I would never hurt her, but I have been more rough with her at night when i'm so emotionally, physically and pyschologically drained I can barely open my eyes. But that is no excuse.


Does anyone have any experience with this, does anyone get the same feelings? Is this normal or am I really messed up and need therapy/drugs?
 

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Any chance you are pregnant? That was one of my first prego signs...

Other than that, sleep deprivation affects you in ways you would never imagine. Is there any way to get a nap in every few days?
 

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Ditto to the prego thing. These same feelings come on hard and strong since i got pregnant and was breastfeeding at first or even if my son just rolls over onto my nipples in bed or something. I thought it was so wierd too.
 

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Having a high needs little guy, I definitely understand where you're coming from. I once had this very powerful image after a really stressful day when nursing my LO at 8 months or so that my entire body, mind and soul were being sucked through my boob and I was becoming really thin and waif like with a big boob (I only nurse on one side). It was strange because at the time it felt very real.

Ok, so, at night do you let her nurse as long as she wants? I usually break the suction when I think he is asleep enough otherwise he would nurse all night. Does your husband help at night? If I am feeling overwhelmed I will nurse for 5-10 minutes till his sucking slows and give him to dh to rock till he's asleep enough to lay back down. Would something like that work for you?

I would say that your feelings are normal, but especially since your baby is older, it might be time to change things so that you can have a little more control over the situation. My LO would nurses every 15-30 min during the day, and I've just started to try and distract him sometimes so that I don't go crazy.

Maybe just try to limit her comfort nursing and that could possibly help your emotions a little bit, so that you don't get stretched to that point. A really good IBCLC once told me, when I told her that he seems to hurt me during a long nursing session when he's falling asleep and gets sloppy, "Take him off before then, don't let him hurt you." So, to me that said that we needed other ways to comfort him to sleep, and so, before it hurts, I stop nursing and bounce, rock, etc.
 

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I have absolutely been there. And no chance I'm pregnant


I am one of those women who can't say I love bf. That is, mentally I am totally enamored. Physically, while there are many times that it's "fine," if I don't have something to distract to me (conversation, TV, book, internet) I tend to find it annoying. So for me, too, the overnight nursings were the worst...especially when I was sleep-deprived. And I, too, have found myself being kinda "rough" with DS at those times. DS is 13 months now and nurses about 5-6 times in 24 hours....so I don't feel like I'm nursing all the time. But still sometimes feel that intense rage. Yesterday for example. I had a hell of a time getting him down for his second nap...ended up taking over an hour. When bedtime rolled around, which was only a couple hours after he woke up from the nap, I was still feeling annoyed. When I was nursing him I felt that "throw baby across the room" feeling. I'm not even sure if I had a let down. DS kept popping off...which only fueled my rage. But today everything's fine.

So, I'm assuming this is normal...at least for some of us.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you for the responses ladies. Now i'm a little freaked out that I might be pregnant, i'm going to take a test to make sure. I did miss my period last month but I thought it was because I'm still getting back on track. I only had my first period in almost 18 months in july, but then missed augusts. We're definitely not ready for another yet, so I'm hoping we're not pregnant.

I am glad there are others who feel the same way. I always considered PPD but whenever I filled out the 'new mom' forms honestly at the drs, nothing seemed abnormal.

farmerjess- I almost always break the suction when she's almost asleep everytime. But she still wants to latch on again every 30 mins sometimes and there is nothing in me so she's basically just chewing and that's what drives me up the wall. DH does try to help me a lot more now that he's seeing how crazy this is making me. I know this is a phase she's going through, she's teething really badly which is why she's waking so often and wanting to "chew" on me, but it doesn't make it any easier to handle during the night.
 

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Sometimes I get like this too and it's always really late at night/early in the morning after a horrible nights sleep.

DD is teething really bad too so hopefully our monster teethers will get through it FAST!!! For the teething I have tried everything- herbal, homeopathic (many, many combos and the only one that sorta worked was Boiron but those went fast/didn't last as long as I needed. So in the end I did give DD a half dose of Infant Motrin
My mama guilt is kicking in, I HATE giving her that kinda stuff but, it was the first time she slept for more then 2 hours in a row. The next nursing wasn't so annoying.

Just to note- I had PPD with DS
so feeling like this a litle bit isn't abnormal (I don't think) and I certainly know I'm not pregnant (dear G*D I better not be!!
)
 

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I felt like that when DD was about 13 months old. She was nursing every 2 hours at night and even though we coslept I was exhausted. I night weaned her so I could keep our BFing relationship going. DD is 18 months now and we are still nursing about 5 times a day. I know the feeling mama. Please dont be hard on yourself. Everyone has a different limit of what they can handle.
 

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Don't feel alone, I get these feelings too and I'm definitely NOT pregnant. As with others, it's usually late at night/wee early hours of the am after a bad night of my DD waking often. It's frustration, it's sleep deprivation, it's pain in my hips/body from not being able to move and in my nips from constant nursing; it's a lot of things. I've freaked my Dh out before with how rough I've been, though to be honest I know I wasn't hurting her. Sometimes I growl/yell, but that freaks my DD out. There has to be some way to vent the feelings though and I figure noise is better than being rough. I'm not proud of these feelings, but I have to be gentle with myself about them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thank you so much ladies, I'm feeling not so alone anymore


I did just take a test to make sure, and I am NOT pregnant...PHEW!!!


Thinking about it now, it always is at night or early in the morning and usually only when I am exhausted/frustrated. I have been trying NCSS for a while now but it wasn't working because of her teething so I gave up. I would night wean her but I think that would be even harder on us all.
I too have tried everything for teething and even Motrin doesn't work sometimes
I recently started making Camomile tea ice pops because she likes to suck on ice cubes so hopefully they give her some relief and help her sleep.

Amber Lion- I too growl/yell at her but DH gets upset at me. I agree, there has to be someway to get the anger out, rather than being rough with them maybe I should invest in a punching bag...
 

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You sound completely and utterly exhausted. It sounds like you haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in months, and no one can live like that. Surely, any person would feel anger and resentment toward whatever is consistently keeping them from a decent night's sleep. It sounds like a rational feeling to have.

Are you cosleeping? Would a break from that help? Will she take a pacifier, or a teether at night? A cup of cold water?

At some point around DD1's first birthday, I do remember telling her in the middle of the night that it wasn't time to nurse, it was the middle of the night, go back to sleep. And she DID! And she has never been an easy sleeper.

I hope you get some relief soon.
 

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For me, this was a weaning thing. I first got it when DS1 was around 18 months, but I was tandem nursing DS2. I pushed myself 6 more months until DS1 apparently was fed up with my attitude and went on strike for a week. He got over it and wanted to nurse again, but in that time had forgotten how to latch on.
And then I started having it last year, when DS2 was getting close to 2.5. I was newly pregnant, but DS2 ended up weaning shortly after as well. I was able to keep my frustration internal and not taking it out on him (I was very grumpy talking at DS1 when he was nursing
). So, for me, it's a weaning thing.

It's a HORRIBLE sensation, though!
 

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I had this with my ds1. It started around the time that he started teething. He was intensely needy like he was sucking my soul out of my body. I started to feel anger creeping around my body, and the anger turned into sensations in my privates and just made me even more angry and upset. I really tried to ignore it even though it was making me miserable. He stopped nursing during the day at around a year old but more than made up for it at night and I was an absolute nightmare every night. I too did a lot of yelling. Not one of my proudest years. I was relieved when we weaned at almost 2.

I haven't had any of those feeling yet with my ds2 (4.5 months) but he is not needy. I mean he eats to eat and thats all. Its a relief actually. I wonder if the temperment of the child has anything to do with these feelings.
 

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What you are experiencing sounds more PPD related to me.
I went through something very similar (and it only happened during the night as well when I was tired and going on many nights of no sleep) with my last child and she was not breastfed.
 

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Try treating it as a low supply issue - I got this way a few times with DS, and I finally linked it to being a bit lower on supply. Crazy cycle becuase then he would want to nurse more too... ugh. Anyway - lots of oatmeal cookies and mama tea later, we were all happy again
 

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The same thing happened to me at that age. Thats about the time I started to set boundaries so I could keep going. If comfort nursing bothered me I just popped her off. You may have to set boundaries like reducing comfort nursing or nightwean to continue. She is almost a toddler, its perfectly ok to set nursing boundaries. Its a mutual relationship and it has to be good on both sides.

IMO its normal to feel like that. Especially when they are draining you emotionally and physically. If you are not depressed with any other aspects in your life I do not think you need medication or are mentally ill. My DD is getting her molars and her fussiness and tantrums are starting to get to me. At 3 am you bet your butt I wanna chuck her out a window. I walk away before it comes to that of course but I refuse to believe that I am mentally ill because of that.

So to cap, if you feel like crap all of the time you are likely depressed or PPD but if its just a moment when you are touched out or tired then its normal to feel what you feel. Its ok to walk away when you feel like that, its not CIO when you are at your limit and need a mental health break. I am not one who thinks motherhood is about martyrdom. I believe happy mom = happy baby.

Try the NCSS when she is not teething. My DD STTN since nightweaning at 13 months EXCEPT when she is teething.
 
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