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I have a slightly odd question...<br><br>
For women who had a VBAC/s, did you feel differently towards your VBAC babies compared with your C-section babies, and if you did, did that make you feel bad at all?<br><br>
I had problems bonding with my daughter (delivered by unplanned C-section) for the first few months of her life. Much of this I believe was from breastfeeding issues, however I think some of this was due to the surgery too. I love her to bits now! However, I think how wonderful it would be to have a VBAC baby, see it delivered into my arms all warm and gooey, to try to nurse right away, feel that connection, etc. And I know that so many C-section women don't bond as well with their babies. But then part of me feels like I'd then feel bad for my first daughter...part of me doesn't want to bond so much and so quickly with the next child, I'd feel kind of unfair to my daughter? Is that ridiculous, or a fair thought? Any feedback from similar experiences?
 

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I didn't noticably experience a difference in bonding between my c/s and VBAC babies. If there was one, I would say it had more to do w/ the c/s baby being my first child. Becoming a mother is a big adjustment, to say the least. I felt better prepared to just enjoy my new babies after already having adjusted to being a mom. kwim? With my 2nd baby, I was all about getting my VBAC. When she was born, I cried and thanked her, but I didn't love/bond w/ her any quicker than baby #1.(Them being only 18 mos apart could have something to do w/ that.) With baby #3(almost 4 yrs after #2), I was MADLY IN LOVE as soon as the stick showed a line. For me, my bonding had more to do w/ knowing what each little life meant to me more than how much immediate, post-natal, physical touch we had.<br><br>
I'm sure many women have bonding issues directly resulting from the separation after a c/s, though. I don't want to appear to discount that. I have read many personal experiences of it.
 

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My dd was born prematurely and by an unplanned emergency cesarean. I didn't see her for 2 hours and my pain med pump's batteries had died so I was in so much pain I could only hold her for a moment. I couldn't nurse at that point due to the pain. I was so shocked that she was early and with the crappy recovery I felt like I had this stranger in my arms. It took many months to feel the bond with her that I felt instantly with my vbac'ed son. He was born and nursing within a few moments. I was aware because I didn't have any drugs. I think bonding was easier with him.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">But then part of me feels like I'd then feel bad for my first daughter...part of me doesn't want to bond so much and so quickly with the next child, I'd feel kind of unfair to my daughter? Is that ridiculous, or a fair thought? Any feedback from similar experiences?</td>
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To this I'd say don't begrudge this new life a wonderful bond to be fair to your dd. I'm sure you wouldn't because I don't even think it's something thats in your control.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My first was a c-section for breech. We had that immediate connection. My second was planned to vbac, but at forty weeks, i had another c-section, for very low amniotic fluid and i didn't feel it for a long time. I vbaced my third and i felt it. For me, personally, i think it had to do with my expectations. With my first, even though she was a c-section birth, i knew beforehand and prepared for that eventuality. With my first son, they really blindsided me with "oh, you have hardly any amniotic fluid, the baby needs to be born today"<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I questioned the validity of the reason then and still do, but i went ahead with it, and the whole time, i was thinking, "it isn't supposed to be happening this way". To finally have a vaginal birth (though not under the circumstances i had wanted) was such a triumph, and to feel so much better after the birth, really helped bonding with my second son.<br><br>
My first son was also a lot more high needs than my other two, so that definitely has something to do with our continued bonding issues, that lasted till he was about one. I also had ppd and ptsd from his birth. My knee jerk reaction is to feel guilty about it. But i love him just as much as the other two, it just took me a longer time to really feel that connection. It was there, but i had to act on it until i could feel it, does that make sense?
 

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This is a good question.<br>
I have happier feelings and memories regarding the <i>birth</i> of my VBAC baby since I got to be completely involved and in control- hold him immedietly, feel the placenta and umbilical cord, and just feel pure joy in the entire process. But my feelings of love and bonding regarding him vs. my two cesarean babies- it is the same for all 3 of them. Our VBAC experience is unbelievably empowering and I am amazed at what I was able to do- but my cesarean births were powerful as well- in a different way.<br>
In fact, shortly after my VBAC I went through a period of mourning for my two babies who were born by cesarean, for the birth experience that they missed out on. I was crying as I thought of what they went through at birth, now that I know how it is to birth a baby vaginally. My VBAC baby was born in a quiet, peaceful, darkened room, with hardly any people around. My two c/s babies were born surgically and suddenly with bright lights, they were not given immedietly to me, they were excessively handled by strangers, and they had to be suctioned excessively. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br>
In short, I would say my bonding experience for my babies themselves was the same whether c/s birth or vaginal.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama2E&O</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7985836"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This is a good question.<br>
I have happier feelings and memories regarding the <i>birth</i> of my VBAC baby since I got to be completely involved and in control- hold him immedietly, feel the placenta and umbilical cord, and just feel pure joy in the entire process. But my feelings of love and bonding regarding him vs. my two cesarean babies- it is the same for all 3 of them. Our VBAC experience is unbelievably empowering and I am amazed at what I was able to do- but my cesarean births were powerful as well- in a different way.<br>
In fact, shortly after my VBAC I went through a period of mourning for my two babies who were born by cesarean, for the birth experience that they missed out on. I was crying as I thought of what they went through at birth, now that I know how it is to birth a baby vaginally. My VBAC baby was born in a quiet, peaceful, darkened room, with hardly any people around. My two c/s babies were born surgically and suddenly with bright lights, they were not given immedietly to me, they were excessively handled by strangers, and they had to be suctioned excessively. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br>
In short, I would say my bonding experience for my babies themselves was the same whether c/s birth or vaginal.</div>
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ITA!<br><br>
Your whole post reflects exactly how I feel.
 

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I had a very similar experience as the OP about my c/s baby. Having the surgery broke my heart and made me feel like a failure. On top of that I was so emotionally broken and physically shaking that I didn't hold my daughter for hours after the birth, except for the time it took for them to wheel us out of the operating room and into recovery. I took a long time bonding with her. Because of the pain and difficulty of recovery, my partner did most of the parenting and she bonded with him much more than me. I had horrible breast feeding problems that resulted in me mostly pumping my milk and giving it to her in a bottle. Its taken almost three years for her and I to have the relationship I wanted. On the other had, I just homebirthed my second baby and he and I were smitten right away. I didn't have difficulty breast feeding with this one, so we have spent a lot more time together, not to mention that I can actively care for him without a nasty fresh wound on my belly. He notices when I leave the room and gets cranky more quickly for everyone else but me. I know this will mean that he is more difficult to deal with than my daughter who was happy with just about anyone, but I like having the better experience. Maybe its the difference between boy and girl, maybe between first and second, but IMO the c/s has been mostly responsible for the difference in experiences.
 

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the opposite was true for me. I was and am alot more attached to my DS (c/s baby) than DD (who was my VBAC). I have no idea why? (I feel horrible about it too so there's lots of guilt involved as well) I don't favor either of my kids over another, but there's definitly attachment issues.. I think when I was pg with DD I was convinced I would miscarry. then convinced something was going to go seriously wrong with the birth (it didn't, she was fine). I was always trying to prepare myself emotionally though "just in case". We were seperated at birth for 2 days so that didn't help matters I don't think and then my DH died at 2 weeks PP. I guess the shock of his death affected me and attachment to DD and still does in a way 20 months later. I have a really hard time staying connected with DD and have to work really hard at it.. though nursing her was a lifesaver IMHO and kept me really grounded during my darkest hours! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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It's as if had something to prove with my c/s baby, or maybe something to "make up for". I was FIERCE in my love of him, my determination to breastfeed despite challenges, my control/protection of his environment, food, visitors, etc for months.<br><br>
Things seem more natural with my 3mo VBAC DD. Almost as if she's still an extension of myself.<br><br>
As a pp said, some of it can be attributed to first-time vs second-time motherhood, as well as the fact that the VBAC baby was a girl (part of the "extension of myself" bit).
 

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My c/s baby was my first, and while we nursed through toddlerhood and are fairly connected, there is something missing. I have memories of the births of my daughters that I just don't have with ds because of general anesthesia. The recoveries were starkly different, and I know the pain affected my bonding with ds. I remember his birth with anger and sadness and yet also joy. It's a strange mix, and I am sure it has affected our relationship some. But I don't think it permanantly damaged our bonding because we were successful with EBF.
 

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This is a VERY good question as it is something that I thought about often before I had our 2nd son.<br>
Though the births were COMPLETLY different...... my bond and love for both of them is definatly equal.<br>
I'm dittoing Moma2E&O's response.
 
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