Hi Josh,
I'm so sorry you have to put up with bullying. It's just not right. I had to put up with it a lot to from when I was little till the end of high school. I didn't have autism - I was just one of those kids always on the outside. Mostly from just being quite the unattractive child as a child. Then, socially ackward as I got older since I didn't really have friends to learn social skills from. I was in small schools for most of my education so I didn't really have many friends at all. I think the experience has left me socially behind my peers as an adult and that is aways something I have to actively work on.
Before I became a parent, I was pretty much a loner most of the time. My husband is really the only person I spent much time with. It was just too stressful to me to be in groups. It seemed like when I tried to make friends with someone, something I did would mess it up and i couldn't figure out what.
Now, that I am a parent, I really want Sam to be better at the social stuff than I am. I've met some really nice Mom's through "finding your tribe" here on MDC. So far, they have put up with me
. I want Sam to have plenty of time with other children so that his social skills learning can start early. Luckily, he didn't inherit the physical traits I had as a child so he doesn't have anything glaring for multitudes to pick on.
Anyway - this was all mostly background to what I wanted to say in response to your question. Given what I experienced, it is very important to me that Sam and Anika have respect for other people's feelings. I plan to use any opportunity I can to encourage them to be nice to others, especially others who may be on the outside through no fault of their own. I would be really upset if I ever heard or saw them make fun of or bully another person. I think it is the responsibility of every parent to try to raise kids who are sensitive to the feelings of others. And teachers need to do a better job of continuing the message at school. Kids can be so cruel and it seems like they learn a lot of that behaviour from their parents. But, I remember that the adults at school never really seemed to care. I would go to teachers for help and was usually given the brush off or told, "just ignore it." That made me feel like what I was going through was unimportant to them even though it was consuming my whole world. So, I think that parents also need to encourage the adults at school to also be more sensitive to these issues.
Regarding my own childrens' feelings - I certainly plan to be very sensitive to them. I am careful to never say, "you are bad" or other general statements like that. If Sam is doing something wrong, I point out the behaviour is wrong - not that he himself is wrong. I always make sure he can tell from my actions that he is loved and cherished as I never want him to feel that he is not important or loved. I treat his feelings like the fragile bud that they are because I know that hurting a child's feelings can impact that child for a long long time.
Sorry for the long reply - your post just brought out a lot of things I think about frequently. It sounds like you have a nice family and I hope you also have a nice circle of friends that enjoy your company. You seem like a really great person to know!
