Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 26 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,066 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just received an email from one of my baby info sites. In the email the Ferber method is discussed. How could anyone with a heart do this<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">?<br><br>
My SIL Ferberized with both DS. She was so proud that they were sleeping through the night at early ages. I'd rather have 2 yrs of sleepless nights than ferberize. They had to self sooth themselves and both became finger suckers and blankey lovers(still blankey lovers at age 6 and 4 and can't sleep without them). Meanwhile my DC used me as a pacifier and I didn't have to worry about dirty fingers in LO mouths.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,040 Posts
Unfortunately a lot of people do it, with newborns even <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> It breaks my heart to hear about it. Poor little babies. It is abusive IMO
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
182 Posts
Huh. Mine's already a finger sucker - has had that hand in her mouth since about three hours after birth - and has never been Ferberized. I couldn't possibly have my nipple in her mouth as much as she wants something in her mouth; she can't be latched on 24/7. I don't worry too much about dirty fingers - I just wash them every so often. Also, I remember having a beloved blanky for YEARS and was never Ferberized either. I think that's normal baby stuff; some kids do it, some don't. It's a good thing when they naturally develop self-soothing mechanisms, even if they're the same ones other kids develop when left to cio. Self-soothing is not a bad thing, cio is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
191 Posts
STJinNoVa, I am with you about self soothing not being the same as cio. My dd was a huge finger sucker. When she got old enough she always wanted suckers or gum, still does to this day. I guess its an oral thing. My ds1 had a blankie and a stuffed animal that were at least on his bed until about 3 years ago. He didn't still love on them, they just sat there. Neither of them were ferberized. My lo is also a finger sucker, and I agree about the latched on 24/7, wouldn't that hurt? Also would make it hard to drive. hehe
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,493 Posts
I'm wondering what "ferberizing" is, because I just heard someone recommend the Ferber sleep book at our baby play group (which I assume is the same thing?) and didn't really know what it was.<br>
I guess I could google it, but that wouldn't be the opinionated version would it<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,391 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>plantmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10816125"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm wondering what "ferberizing" is</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
It's just another way of referring to CIO sleep training as advocated by Dr. Ferber.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
163 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,304 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MarineWife</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10816570"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's just another way of referring to CIO sleep training as advocated by Dr. Ferber.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
But he recanted in Time.<br>
I have no idea what issue- I need to find that out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,244 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PatienceAndLove</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10822914"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But he recanted in Time.<br>
I have no idea what issue- I need to find that out.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
something about bfing and cio. I think he changed it to say not to cio until after 4 mo? I'm not sure if that was ferber or not.<br><br>
I was reading baby center and it was an article of ferber <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and I got a email from baby center and they had an AP sleep training and Ferber sleep training. Well, the Ferber sleep training didn't sork and the Sears one did!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> But I felt absolutly horrible for the baby having the Ferber method done <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,391 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Danielle13</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10822931"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">something about bfing and cio. I think he changed it to say not to cio until after 4 mo? I'm not sure if that was ferber or not.<br><br>
I was reading baby center and it was an article of ferber <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and I got a email from baby center and they had an AP sleep training and Ferber sleep training. Well, the Ferber sleep training didn't sork and the Sears one did!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> But I felt absolutly horrible for the baby having the Ferber method done <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I read that article, too. The baby probably would've been CIOed anyway. I don't think it was done only for the article.<br><br>
I do remember hearing something later about not doing CIO until a baby was 6 months or older. I don't know if it was Dr. Ferber who said it or not. As we all know, it still shouldn't be done regardless of the age.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,493 Posts
I was encouraged to see that the couple of web sites I read when I googled ferber all mentioned the controversy in a pretty positive way.<br>
They all mentioned that some people say cio could result in long term emotional scars, even the pro ferber sites.<br>
So at least people who do internet research may get a taste that it's not problem free and do more looking into it before actually trying it.<br>
Let's hope so. CIO just makes my skin crawl and my heart sink.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,466 Posts
yeah, CIO sucks. and i find that more people do it than will even admit to it. like they think if baby only cries for 5-10 minutes, that's not really CIO...i have even heard people say what they do is not CIO because they go in and check on the baby! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
i think letting a baby cry by themselves to sleep for ANY length of time is CIO. the only exception to me is when you have a baby who cries longer and harder when you are there and trying to help them get to sleep. i know there are some babes who will cry for 30 minutes if you try to rock or nurse (or even lie with them!!!), but will only cry for 5 minutes if you leave them alone. so to me that is different from CIO.<br><br>
i don't have that kind of baby, but i have heard about them.<br><br>
ETA: i guess how this relates to the original post, LOL, is that sometimes people think "ferberizing" does not mean CIO because you don't just let them cry indefinitely. you do check on them. so IME lots of people who use ferber will say "CIO is bad, i would never do that," but they are just doing a different form of CIO and rationalizing it to themselves.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,667 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>readytobedone</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10827345"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">the only exception to me is when you have a baby who cries longer and harder when you are there and trying to help them get to sleep. i know there are some babes who will cry for 30 minutes if you try to rock or nurse (or even lie with them!!!), but will only cry for 5 minutes if you leave them alone. so to me that is different from CIO.<br><br>
i don't have that kind of baby, but i have heard about them.<br><br>
.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I've got that baby<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> He would cry, thrash, tantrum for up to TWO hours if I tried to hold/rock/soothe him. About 5 minutes if I leave him alone. So strange, and I wish I could cuddle him, but no...he's 14 months old though, not a tiny little one. When he was an infant, he slept better with me...go figure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
352 Posts
A lot of people are asking if my 3 mo old is sleeping through the night and offering help, CIO, Ferber, Babybootcamp?? I just say I can't and I won't and don't have a conversation about it.<br>
I love this forum for affirming attentive night time parenting. And cosleeping, which is another fun topic...<br><br>
Why is the duration of a baby's nightime sleep a measure of good parenting to be competitive about??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
283 Posts
it's a western cultural thing that's all. if people had any knowledge of other cultures they would realize how ethnocentric it is to expect every baby to sleep the same. I've been trying to get this through my parents head and I think it is finally working!<br>
it took my mom and entire MONTH of doing CIO every night when I was 3 MONTHS OLD until I slept through the night...could you even imagine that?????
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,391 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>locksmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10830199"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">it's a western cultural thing that's all. if people had any knowledge of other cultures they would realize how ethnocentric it is to expect every baby to sleep the same. I've been trying to get this through my parents head and I think it is finally working!<br>
it took my mom and entire MONTH of doing CIO every night when I was 3 MONTHS OLD until I slept through the night...could you even imagine that?????</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I think there are a lot of people in the Western culture who know babies in other cultures aren't sleep trained. They also know families co-sleep and mothers breastfeed for years. The problem is that all of that is seen as uncivilized rather than biologically normal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,067 Posts
I accidentally offended someone the other day when I was at the bookstore. I was standing with my little brother, and we were near the baby books 'cause that's right next to the cafe-- and someone walked by, and they were talking about "ferberizing" the baby-- an older woman and a slightly younger woman, not sure who was mom-- but anyhow, the poor kid couldn't have been more than three months old.<br><br>
So they walk by and they're chatting about ferberizing this kid, and I heard them, and I made an awful face, and my brother asked me what was the face for?<br>
I stuck out my tongue and I was like, "Oh, you don't want to know. It's just baby stuff." and he was like, "no, seriously."<br>
So I said,<br>
"well you heard those women over there talk about 'ferberizing' the baby and how hard it was, right?"<br>
and he's like, "yeah, but I have no idea what that means. What's with the face?"<br>
well, I didn't want to get into it right there b/c I thought those women were still nearby, so I started walking back toward the craft books, and I was like, "Ok, basically ferberizing is a pretty, PC, feel-good word for torturing your baby by tossing them in a separate room and letting the poor kid cry while you ignore them and maybe pop in every 5-10-15, or 30 minutes. It's crap. It sucks because everyone always talks about how hard it is but it's worth it because yada yada yada. The thing is, it's NOT worth it and the reason it sucks is because YOU"RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ABANDON YOUR BABY. DUH."<br>
so my brother is like, "Well, why do they do it?" and I told him,<br>
"well, the same reason that women sometimes decide to FF-- They somehow get the stupid, mistaken impression that it's somehow more "convenient" or "better" or some such rot, or they convince themselves that it's for the "good of the baby because otherwise they'll never be independent and all that rot and it doesn't really matter how you treat the baby or feed the baby because they'll turn out fine anyhow. It's all the same selfish garbage spouted by people who didn't have kids when they started theorizing about this stuff. It's for people who care more about making the baby convenient than making the baby happy and healthy..."<br><br>
... and I walked around the bookshelf to find those two women just standing there and staring at me, giving me horrid, horrid evil looks....<br><br>
Oops....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,391 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>saimeiyu</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10831776"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">... and I walked around the bookshelf to find those two women just standing there and staring at me, giving me horrid, horrid evil looks....</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I think that's great. Probably about time they heard how awful it really is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,233 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:[QUOTE: "Ok, basically ferberizing is a pretty, PC, feel-good word for torturing your baby by tossing them in a separate room and letting the poor kid cry while you ignore them and maybe pop in every 5-10-15, or 30 minutes. It's crap. It sucks because everyone always talks about how hard it is but it's worth it because yada yada yada. The thing is, it's NOT worth it and the reason it sucks is because YOU"RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ABANDON YOUR BABY. DUH." ..... It's all the same selfish garbage spouted by people who didn't have kids when they started theorizing about this stuff. It's for people who care more about making the baby convenient than making the baby happy and healthy..."<br><br>
... and I walked around the bookshelf to find those two women just standing there and staring at me, giving me horrid, horrid evil looks....<br><br>
Oops....[/QUOTE]<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
that is so brilliant! i love it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,244 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MarineWife</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10832720"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think that's great. Probably about time they heard how awful it really is.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: !! I think that was awesome!! i'm SO glad they heard you! You got your point across with out intentionally being rude to them!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
Top