[kangamom]

Poor dd seems totally bullied by him! They are only 12 months old, so I have no idea how to teach him to be more gentle. He pulls her down by her hair, hits her, tackles her, crawls over her, bites, whatever he can do to get whatever toy she has. I think shes getting scared of him. If she sees him coming after her she will duck over her toy and crawl away as fast as she can and try to get away from him. My first thought is that when he does this to pick him up, tell him to be nice to his sister and place him in the playpen or in his room with the gate up. But I wonder how much of that he will understand. Probably nothing. But I remember when dd #1 was this age she would get really agressive while playing and I would just stop playing with her and turn my back to her and she eventually learned not to hit/bite. I cant do that with the twins since they are mostly fighting with each other. But I can't just sit there and let him beat her up either!

:

 

[Thalia the Muse]

I think removing him briefly is a very good idea. The consequence of not playing gently with your sibling is that you have to take a break from playing.

It also sounds like she's doing a good job handling, by getting away when she sees him coming! I think it would be more worrisome if she sat there and let him come bite her or whatever.

 

[4daughters]

My twins did the same thing at 1yr. They actually have bite scars on them. I started to introduce a time-out chair and every time one twin would bite or pull hair I would sit her down away from the other for 2 min. w/explaination. This definately helped. Now at 2 1/2 from time to time they still bite, fight ..I separate, use the time-out chair and before I even get to the chair they are apologizing to eachother and hugging. Good luck.

 

[kangamom]

Wow, I'm surprised that it works that young. With the older girls we didn't do a timeout chair until about 2 or so. Thats great, thanks!

 

[4daughters]

With my two older I ddin't introduce it till 2 either, and I didn't think the twins would get it, but they did. I had to sit one who had the time-out, but they got it, took about 3 days to catch on. I think sometimes different things work at different stages, but it's worth the try.

 

[Justmee]

My two have gone through phases like that too. They seem to switch who is the "bully" and who is the "victum." Usually I will say nice touches and try to model, but I also pair it with "no hit" or no bite or whatever. If there is major aggression I will put the aggressor to the side for a minute (sit her on the couch or something). I don't do it for every little swat though, just when I see a big aggression.

Good luck

 

[twinmommykc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RachelEve14 My two have gone through phases like that too. They seem to switch who is the "bully" and who is the "victum." Usually I will say nice touches and try to model, but I also pair it with "no hit" or no bite or whatever. If there is major aggression I will put the aggressor to the side for a minute (sit her on the couch or something). I don't do it for every little swat though, just when I see a big aggression. Good luck

I totally agree with this last post. Mine started going through the aggression phases at about 1yo. It seems like you get a handle on it and then it turns into something else/ or manifests a little differently every 3 months or so.
I tried time outs at around 1yo and it was really difficult b/c then they would both start to climb all over me and that would turn into something different.

In any case, what I have noticed is that this behavior is brought on when one of them is not please with the amount of attention they are getting. For example if I am cooking, or cleaning one of them will start up with this behavior. So, I have learned that is just takes 3x as long to get stuff done b/c I take several breaks to read books, play animals, play dolls, etc.... When I am in the middle of a chore like cooking, I will take a small break and set the timer. Now the kids understand that "when the timer goes off Mommy needs to resume _______." And then when I resume whatever I am doing I will invite that aggressive child that is needing attention to help me with my chore in some manner. This tends to work pretty well.

But yes, I can relate. My son does tackle my daughter. But then there are times she took a huge bite off his finger (yesterday.) At two years old I have been trying to encourage them from walking away from the bad behavior and suggesting another toy that they like to play withy seperatly.

Mothering twins keeps you busy. I admire the twin mommies out there that have other sets or singletons too.

 

[MyCalling]

Our twins also take turns on who is the agressor. It's really fun when they both get agressive.

It's usually over toys or the best spot to see out of the window. They have done great learning the words "Share" and "Gentle". I have to referee and make sure each get their turn or next time the waiting baby won't believe sharing actually means their turn will come.

Now I'm working on getting them to feel sympathy for their sibling. Sharing a sippy cup is a big ordeal here so I've been saying, "Haden, don't you think sister is thirsty too? Don't you think she'd like a drink also?" Sounds over their heads at 16 months, but they totally get it and hand over the sippy with a smile!

 

[kangamom]

Awww

 

[e123vg]

hehe, sad but kind of funny. i don't have twins but if it were me, i think i would take a day that dad has off or have grandma over or something and you spend time alone with one twin. give them their own special time. then i would switch, so each baby gets alone time with mommy.

 

[SabDoulaMommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinmommykc Mothering twins keeps you busy. I admire the twin mommies out there that have other sets or singletons too.

Yes! or who do it w/o their mothers coming over 1 day a week like almost every other twin mom I know...

Mine fought really bad @ 1, worse @ 2 & still fight @ nearly 3, but it is getting better. Short breaks are best, imo.

Get in touch w/ Karen Gromada (sp?) she can email you a chapter out of her book for ideas. She did for me when I was crazy w/ the fighting!

Hang in there!

 

[kangamom]

thanks, I think I'll do that. I do what i can to pay individual attention, but it now seems to be escalating. Instead of running away dd now has discovered that biting has a very interesting effect. They say that babies this age don't understand that they are inflicting pain when they bite, but I think the rules are different for twins. I think they definately know what they are doing. I've seen the look of satisfaction on her face when he recoils back in pain.

 

[twinmommykc]

Oh biting..... It seems to go through phases in this house. NEar the end of dinner this week, ds decided to go under the dinner table and bite dd foot-- really hard. This is one of our big frustrations. I belive also that the kids realize they can inflict pain with this. At minimum, they know it is not nice/not gentle. Any other suggestions out there for biting??

 

[bri276]

not a multiple mom so no advice....worked in daycares quite a bit and we'd just distract them, there was no preventing it, anyways

my friend had b/g twins- same situation, her son was beating up her dd. her non-ap solution was to "bite him back"

: didn't work!!

 

[kangamom]

um, yeah, I've heard that one before. Don't think I'm gonna try that one. Dr. Sears says to sort of scrape your teeth on his skin to demonstrate that it hurts without actually hurting. I dunno, its just wierd to me. I had a friend once who told me her 4yo was having a problem with spitting on kids at daycare. So when she saw him do it she spit in his face. I was so grossed out by that. I don't have any tolerance for spit.