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FIL has gender preference (vent)

901 Views 11 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  ewe+lamb
and it's driving me insane.

The entire time I was pregnant with DD, he would say "How's my GRANDSON doing?"
He went on and on how he planned to take my child hunting and fishing and blah blah blah.
I told him "no". We do not kill for sport in our home (not to mention we are not dumb enough to leave a child alone with him for even 30 seconds)
We knew I was having a girl and didn't tell.
After she was born he was clearly disappointed and hasn't really shown any interest in her since.

I just found out I'm pregnant again and the thought of having to listen to his big mouth is making me ill.

I find myself hoping that I will have another girl just so he leaves me alone. I hate that I'm thinking this way. I'm honestly very very grateful to be pregnant and I'll take a healthy baby regardless of gender.
I feel like I'm letting him suck the joy out of this experience and I really need to stop.

I really can't stand the guy but we rarely see my in-laws to be honest. DH said he will take care of any issues that arise (especially if we have a boy and FIL decides to throw a party). We won't allow favoritism.

Anyone else's family have gender preferences?
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to you! As difficult as it sounds, putting FIL out of your mind may be the best that you can do.

No family w/ gender preferences....just a moron for a FIL. (Long story short, when 4 year old ds was overtired and crying about something, FIL got in his face and screamed at him because he couldn't hear his tv show, dh told him not to yell at our kids, FIL threatened dh, threatened to call the police and kicked us out, then emptied the contents of our minivan into the driveway ... and got even more mad when we, instead of going home, went to granmother-in-law's house next door! :LOL We later laughed that FIL threw a bigger fit than ds, screaming, yelling, threatening, throwing things, etc. He's the one who needs to grow up!). FIL is no longer in our lives and will not be until he gets a clue about how to treat our family respectfully.

If I were you and FIL said one word about gender preference, I'd say (or have dh say) that he's free to keep his opinions to himself from now on, that we will love each child no matter what the gender, and that showing favoritism is unacceptable and will not be allowed. This is YOUR family, not his!
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My whole family has gently stated that they'd love to see a girl. But they haven't pushed anything or been rude. It's just that all of the grandkids are boys, so they'd love to see a girl this time. Especially since no one else is going to have any more kids. It's all up to me. All I've said to any of them is, "Hey, it's out of my hands now!"
not so blatantly, but FIL said when we told him about dd beinga girl "oh well, you can always try again for a boy". Jerk. that said, he loves julia and is very affectionate with her, but I know both mil and fil are glad this one is a boy. blech.

Anyway, to save my sanity i made Dh deal with telling them the gender this time.

And amanda, hugs to you! what a jerk of a fil. mine has his moments, thank god dh always stands up for us (as it sounds like yours does).
here to commiserate

when i told my grandparents the first thing they said was "Well remember we need another boy in the family" and everytime I talk to them they say something about it being a boy. They do love jewely and they did love all 5 of their granddaughter's and all 3 of their great grandaughter's. But growing up I could always feel there prefrence for my brother. I told my mom I should name the baby(if it's a boy) Zebulon(pay honor to) Maxwell (my maiden name and their last name)

Amanda- Your FIL sounds like a lot of fun
Sometimes I wish for such an outburst so DH would call it quits for good

Beachcomber- Good point. It *is* out of our hands.

Carrie- Yup. What is it with the grandson obsession? As if we are going to give birth to a mini version of FIL or something.

I'm going to do an extra contemplation today (and everyday) to help me move through this. I want to more neutral and focus my energy on having a healthy pregnancy instead of becoming emotional roadkill.

Thanks all.
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My mil has 2 sons and has made it clear how much she would LOVE a granddaughter because she wants to buy "girl clothes" to dress a baby up in.
No, mil, our child will not be your doll.

She's not nearly as bad as the OP's fil, but it's hard for her to hide her obvious preference.
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That's no fun.

Reminds me of DH's uncle. He wanted a boy and ended up with 6 girls trying.

Viriditas- Tell her to leave the tags on in case you need to return them. Maybe you could buy some nice cloth dipes instead.
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Originally Posted by Viriditas
My mil has 2 sons and has made it clear how much she would LOVE a granddaughter because she wants to buy "girl clothes" to dress a baby up in.
No, mil, our child will not be your doll.
Oh god... are you sure we don't have the same MIL? They've counted back from the EDD and figured out that we're at about that time for the 20 week u/s (which we're doing as a comprimise), so the telephone calls about "Do you know what it is yet?!?" have started in earnest, and I'm worrying we'll have to disconnect the phone.

And worst yet... if they do think it's a girl we're going to be flooded with pink *everything*, even though I've tried to make it very clear to them that ultrasound for sex determination is far from 100%. I'd hate to have a house full of pink frilly everything and bring a little boy home from the birth center.

Well, actually, I'd just hate to have a house full of pink frilly everything. But I intend to make judicious use of my sewing scissors and rit dye.
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When FIL's first grandchild was born 15 yrs ago, FIL said to BIL, "are you disappointed?'. FIL now has several grandsons. FIL(82) lives on a big farm in Ireland and raises cattle. My dd went to visit him in Feb, she was 6.5 at the time, the man LOVES her! She is clearly his favorite grandchild regardless of her gender. She is very interested (geniunly) in his farm and HIM, so he just eats it up, lol! He has grandsons who spend time there but it's her who he perfers, he says she reminds him of a favorite aunt he had as a child, sitting on the couch knitting away while chatting about the livestock. That's my girl, lol!

So don't let your FIL get to you, it may take time but he may come to love and enjoy his grandchildren regardless of gender.
My Aunt prefers her grandaughter over her grandson. I feel bad for the poor kiddo, because he DOES notice a difference in treatment.
My advice, ignore him. And if this one is a boy, don't let him treat your son any better than he treats your daughter!
Good luck to you. no advice, just (hugs)
We have this problem - dh is one of 9 kids and has only 1 brother - they wanted boys, so all the siblings have girls - I think it adds up to 17 grandchildren all girls - dh found out the sex at our last u/s and immediately phoned his mother - before he told me - another long story - we had agreed not to find out the sex and dh changed his mind as soon as I lay having my belly out for all to see - I was not a happy bunny but my genuine worry is that when we eventually get to North Africa they'll concentrate on the one boy that's coming along and none of the girls - I do worry. However, just to add in to the conversation it's more dh's mother that is the one who has the preference and not so much the rest of the family - she's been phoning up thanking dh for answering her prayers - drives me insane!
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