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I lost the baby that I was carrying back in April...and I really haven't been able to talk about it much. My due date would have been my son's 2nd birthday (Sept13th). The closer I get to Ds' bday the more (of course) I'm thinking about the LO I will never get to hold. I feel like maybe if I share some of this my spirit will feel a little more free.
It took us 7, yes 7 years, to get pregnant with my Ds (I have PCOS) he is the absolute light of my life. I NEVER thought I would get pregnant again... so imagine my surprise when on New Year's weekend the test was positive. To say the least we were overjoyed. My second pregnancy was nothing like my pregnancy with Ds. Ds' was VERY easy. On the second pregnancy at 5 1/2 weeks I went into Anaphylactic shock. None of the 5 doctors could figure out why. I had no know allergeries, but was covered literally head-to-toe in hives. Of course after all of the Epi the doc's gave me in the ER I was worried about the baby. After several ultrasound the baby seemed to be just fine. Great heartbeat, measurements were good, and good movement. After the third ultrasound I started to relax thinking..after this many tests if the baby had a reaction to any of the meds that was administered SOMETHING would have turned up. My pregnancy from then until 19 weeks was normal.
I think I was about 2 days from my 19th week when I discovered that I was spotting. Just thinking that maybe I overdid it the day before I wasn't overly freaking out, but I called my OB just in case. When I went in that day we found out that our precious LO was gone. I will never forget the feeling of looking at the ultrasound screen and seeing this perfectly formed baby, but the baby was still.
I choose to have a D & E. I realize that people feel differently about this but no matter what your thoughts on this are this was MY decision for MY family. I truly think that I could not have (mentally) made it through birthing a deceased baby. After the surgery I developed something called DIC http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/779097-overview. I almost bleed to death. I lost well over half of my blood count. The doctor's had to go and tell my Dh that they didn't know if was would "make it" or not, but that they were doing all that they could. It's taken several months to recover from this. Some days I feel as if I haven't really grieved enough for the LO that I lost because of the recovery(I was very weak and sick) and caring for my Ds. Other days I feel so incredibly sad and cannot explain it. There is a piece of our family that will always be missing. I am sorry that this is so long. Thank you for reading.
I would have named her Sophie Addison Bates. Oh, my little one how we would have loved you
It took us 7, yes 7 years, to get pregnant with my Ds (I have PCOS) he is the absolute light of my life. I NEVER thought I would get pregnant again... so imagine my surprise when on New Year's weekend the test was positive. To say the least we were overjoyed. My second pregnancy was nothing like my pregnancy with Ds. Ds' was VERY easy. On the second pregnancy at 5 1/2 weeks I went into Anaphylactic shock. None of the 5 doctors could figure out why. I had no know allergeries, but was covered literally head-to-toe in hives. Of course after all of the Epi the doc's gave me in the ER I was worried about the baby. After several ultrasound the baby seemed to be just fine. Great heartbeat, measurements were good, and good movement. After the third ultrasound I started to relax thinking..after this many tests if the baby had a reaction to any of the meds that was administered SOMETHING would have turned up. My pregnancy from then until 19 weeks was normal.
I think I was about 2 days from my 19th week when I discovered that I was spotting. Just thinking that maybe I overdid it the day before I wasn't overly freaking out, but I called my OB just in case. When I went in that day we found out that our precious LO was gone. I will never forget the feeling of looking at the ultrasound screen and seeing this perfectly formed baby, but the baby was still.
I choose to have a D & E. I realize that people feel differently about this but no matter what your thoughts on this are this was MY decision for MY family. I truly think that I could not have (mentally) made it through birthing a deceased baby. After the surgery I developed something called DIC http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/779097-overview. I almost bleed to death. I lost well over half of my blood count. The doctor's had to go and tell my Dh that they didn't know if was would "make it" or not, but that they were doing all that they could. It's taken several months to recover from this. Some days I feel as if I haven't really grieved enough for the LO that I lost because of the recovery(I was very weak and sick) and caring for my Ds. Other days I feel so incredibly sad and cannot explain it. There is a piece of our family that will always be missing. I am sorry that this is so long. Thank you for reading.
I would have named her Sophie Addison Bates. Oh, my little one how we would have loved you
