Finding balance?

745 Views 12 Replies 11 Participants Last post by Alana, Mar 29, 2006

Alana

Discussion Starter · Mar 27, 2006

Not sure how to put this so it makes sense....so bear with me. I have been a mother for nearly 6 yrs now...been home the whole time, and feeling a bit burned out for the past year or 2. Things changed A LOT after dd was born. Before she was born, I LOVED being home...loved homeschooling preschool with my dc....making the house a home....taking care of dh...etc. But now...I just dont...I struggle to find the joy in it most days...some days it is easy, and I love it...other days I want to run away or hide in my bed. I did have PPD after Gwen was born that lasted for well over a year. Ive been finding myself getting snippy with dh...and he is confused about that...as he isnt doing anything differently than he ever has. Im starting to feel resentment at times, mainly at myself..if that makes any sense.

I was trying to talk to dh about this the other night...and he didnt really understand... I dont have a hobby, or anything that I do...except read at night when the kids are in bed. I used to love reading about a diverse range of subjects....but now nothing interests me much. I cant think of a hobby I would like to pursue....dh would make room in his schedule for me to pursue one...but nothing interests me.

I kind of feel like I lost myself or something. I worry that if I continue this way...when my dc are grown up...that I will be totally lost and have nothing to do anymore. We are planning on continuing to homeschool....but somedays I worry that I just dont have it in me.

I used to take really good care of myself, execising daily..eating super healthy, made sure I dressed nicely, did my hair and makeup...and now I still get dressed.

...and I dry my hair..but nothing else..no scented body lotion, or anything.

I am changing my diet and adding more supplements in...sea kelp, high potency B vitamins, calcium and magenesium, 5-HTP, and a good multi vitamin...and starting to exercise.

BUt its like that spark in me is gone...and I dont like that.
Anyone understand??? ANy suggestions?

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jkpmomtoboys

· #2 · Mar 27, 2006

I couldn't read and not respond. I totally understand how you feel. Find that something to do that helps you find yourself again. Volunteer somewhere, get involved in your local mother's club. Something in order to find that spark.

I am a Planning Commissioner for our City and I just came back from a 3 day conference for Planning Commissioners. I felt better than I had in a long time because I found that part in me that wasn't primarily a mommy for a few days and stretched my brain a bit.

Anyway, just want to say I totally understand....I love being a SAHM but I'm not cut out to only do that...

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yogamama

· #3 · Mar 28, 2006

I understand. I am feeling burnt out right now. Parenting is exhausting and once kids are a bit older (not babies) I think the urge to be more out in the world makes sense. My youngest will be 3 soon and I have the itch to do more paid work. Volunteering is fine, but I want to be out in the world, wearning nice clothes, getting a paycheck, talking to co-workers, going out for lunch.

We use our brains as moms, but I would like to tackle some issues that are bigger than my family and my neighborhood.

jkp - I used to work in planning and community development - that conference sounds interesting. I would LOVE to go to a work conference right about now!

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mama729

· #4 · Mar 28, 2006

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mamaduck

· #5 · Mar 28, 2006

I think you make perfect sense, and I think it sounds a bit like you just need a break or a rest, or to incorporate some easy methods for finding fun in your life. You know -- little rituals to look foward to each day.

3 little kids is a LOT to deal with, and I can easily understand feeling tired and unmotivated. Sometimes when you are in a rut its hard to find the energy to even think about climbing out.

One thing I've sort of learned (I say "sort of" because I tend to forget still) is that I don't have have a passion for something in order to find some enjoyment from it. You don't have to choose the exact right hobby that will fufill you and satisfy you forever.

You can pick something for now, have it meet your needs, and then drop it in 3 months if you find you don't need it. I volunteered 1x a week at our birth center for a year. Another time I took aerobics for 3 months. I've worked different pt. jobs a few hours a week. I've spent time writing and submitting essays. I have visited shut-ins through church. All things for short periods of time to get me through feeling funky at different times.

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Tori Gollihugh

· #6 · Mar 28, 2006

I have felt as though I was starting to lose myself a number of times since becomming a mama. When I feel this way I make sure to take some time alone and refocus on doing SOMEthing that is JUST for me. Much of the time that involves researching some topic or another, other times it's just thinking (so little time to do THAT sometimes!), other times it's reading, and at other times it involves crocheting. There are lots of other things I enjoy doing, but are rather hard to do with limited time and resources.

I do get ya, though. Hope you feel better soon.

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savannah smiles

· #7 · Mar 28, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by yogamama
I understand. I am feeling burnt out right now. Parenting is exhausting and once kids are a bit older (not babies) I think the urge to be more out in the world makes sense. My youngest will be 3 soon and I have the itch to do more paid work. Volunteering is fine, but I want to be out in the world, wearning nice clothes, getting a paycheck, talking to co-workers, going out for lunch.

We use our brains as moms, but I would like to tackle some issues that are bigger than my family and my neighborhood.

:

I have a 4 yr old and an 8 wk old and I totally hear what you're saying. The things that do interest me are really SAHM/little kid friendly in that I love to travel and would love to spend more time overseas. When the kids are older, I'd ideally had a job that involved some sort of travel but that's a ways off and doesn't really help me now. No advice, but you're not alone.

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kharden

· #8 · Mar 28, 2006

I know what you mean. I definitely don't have the same sense of self that I used to. I'm a wife. A mother. But who am I as a person? I'm certainly not the teenager I once was. I've evolved..but to where? I'm a better person, I do know that...I just don't know who that person is exactly when she's stripped of all her titles. I've lost spontaneity in my life...I've lost my goofiness (is that even a word?). I'm much more serious. And that's not a bad thing at all, but it would be nice to find that sense of self. Yet at the same time, I'm so happy to be where I am. Quite a quandry of feelings isn't it? Balance...yes. That's a good word. One of these days I'll find that balance again.

If you find it, tell it I'm looking for it too!

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DoubleOven

· #9 · Mar 28, 2006

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VickV

· #10 · Mar 29, 2006

Quote:

I would encourage you to get out of the house as often as possible. It helps me, even if it's just going to the store. When I'm cooped up it affects my mood bigtime.

I agree 100%. I've only been a SAHM for just shy of 9 months, and I only have one child, so I can't imagine how you feel after 6 years with three kiddos.

I can't tell you what a difference getting out makes in my day. Are there any SAHM groups in your area that you could join? Even tho my DD is only 8.5 months old, I still go to park dates and events just to get out and socialize a little. Isabel loves seeing other people and kiddos, too, so it's just as important for her happiness as it is for mine.

I found a couple local SAHM groups thru http://www.meetup.com/ - between the two groups I could do something almost every day of the week if I wanted. I also found a local cloth diapering group and do things with them. I have a standing Thursday lunch with a couple other SAHMs as well.

Before I got involved with these groups, I was really starting to doubt my choice to be a SAHM. I felt I was losing "me" and was existing solely as Isabel's mom - it was really hard for me, especially because we moved to a new city when I was 6 months pregnant and I didn't work when we got here. I can't say enough good things about the good that came from me taking charge of at least that aspect of my life and getting back out there.

I hope you can find a way to find at least some part of yourself soon!

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coleslaw

· #11 · Mar 29, 2006

I just wanted to add a 'you are not alone'. Actually I was thinking about posting something very similar. And I am homeschooling too. With another baby on the way, I have started to wonder how I am ever going to find myself again. I want to use my brain. And not to organize the toy room. I want to solve world problems (I go big when I can't find myself

)! Maybe we could bouce ideas off of one another?

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coleslaw

· #12 · Mar 29, 2006

I just found this and it may help. We are just in time as it starts tomorrow!!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=417909

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Alana

Discussion Starter · #13 · Mar 29, 2006

Sounds good! Now,....do you think for the Treasure Map I can put up a photo of myself...and a brain????

I am feeling better today....I do love staying home and taking care of my family. I think part of it is #1 my oldest is nearly 6...my youngest is 2, and it is VERY weird to not be in baby mode. Adjusting to all the challenges and concerns that come with school age dc...is a bit daunting for me. Dh reminded me that our Priest's wife holds a book study club...and likes to tackle books that are challenging...he suggested I go to that. I love talking to her and she really challenges me in a good way.

Maybe another part of it is I used to have a like minded friend. We held the same things to be important, challenged each other, and parented similarly. But then she really changed, and our friendship fell apart. I dont have that anymore...and I miss that.

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