Mothering Forum banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
667 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I stay home with my 2 year old and 8 month old and I'm getting pretty lonely. I mean to the point that I am considering working away from home just for the social interaction. My husband got a job that he loves in a town where I know nobody. We have lived here for 5 months now. I joined an AP moms group, but I feel like I have to constantly hide my "flaws" to avoid being lectured. I use disposable diapers and I let my daughter eat McDonald's on occasion. Plus I am in the process of weaning my 27 month old and I gave in to my husband's insistence on vaxing. It doesn't seem to matter that I have stuck to nursing DD1 through a tough pregnancy and dealt with tandem nusing for 8 months, I am terrible for weaning her now. It doesn't matter that I have delayed and spread out vaxes, I am terrible for vaxing at all. How do you deal when you are in the middle?? I don't spank and I don't do bottles so I don't fit in with the mainstream group either. I just can't make friends in mom groups.<br><br>
I have family/in-law family members but it seems like one day we are "close" and the next they have decided they hate me for some reason.<br><br>
I know I'm probably ridiculous because I am the kind of person that needs CLOSE friends. You know, the kind you tell everything to and trust them no matter what. The kind that always gives you the benefit of the doubt and is ALWAYS on your side. But unfortunately one of my close friends is on a 2 year mission trip and the other became family and hates my guts (won't go into detail). I have an amazing husband, he is my only true friend though, and I'm really feeling lonely.<br>
Oh, I have a sister, but she is in her own world of denile and fantasy and I just can't relate, lol.<br><br>
Soo, sorry for the rant, but seriously, where do you find friends when you don't work, you don't have previous ties (like from high school) and you're new to a community?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
147 Posts
I have been going through the same thing for the last 2 years! Now we are moving in February. I decided that I need to start fresh and "make it happen". My plan is to start a playgroup at our house and get my daughter involved in a lot of activities. I am hoping that I will be able to find at least 1 mommy that has smiler interests, values, and a positive attitude. Have posted anything in your tribe? You might be able to find some moms in your local area! BTW, I have thought about getting a job just for the social interaction also! Good luck!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
182 Posts
This isn't really going to help you much but just wanted to say you are definitely not alone!! I feel exactly the same way as you...totally stuck in the middle of two groups. I get annoyed/upset/feel like a complete freak with the mainstream ones (although there are a couple of people I do get on quite well with if I can just kind of ignore some of their parenting!) but when I did find a couple of people who had parenting styles the same as me I just didn't feel like I clicked with them on a personal level. It is really hard because we have no other friends here really and it would be nice to have a close friend but I just don't feel like I fit anywhere...so much so that I am currently thinking I would like to move to the city where my sister lives to be close to her but also because I think I would find it easier to meet for people like me there...but that is a big step and maybe a bit drastic!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,114 Posts
That's such a bummer that the AP group was so harsh! I've been thinking about joining my local AP meetup group, but I don't want to be lectured!<br><br>
I have met mom friends in a variety of ways; some of them are close friends, some are just acquaintances, but I have worked at cultivating these friendships, and gone out of my way a lot to meet people.<br><br>
I have met moms I connect with at the following places: library story time, local Ravelry (knitting) group, my husband's soccer games, craft fairs, Slow Food, and most importantly, through mutual friends. It almost seems like if you can meet one really good friend who's established in the local community, she can introduce you to a lot of people. I always try to reach out to new moms or moms without much support - I know they need it.<br><br>
It definitely takes stepping out of the normal comfort zone, I admit. I'm pretty social, but I have just put myself out there to make friends. And not all the friends parent the way I do, but most are AP-ish and natural-minded. It seems I attract people like that - must be the <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/treehugger.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Treehugger"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,567 Posts
I think we are living each other's lives, except that I don't have family problems.<br><br>
We moved about 3 months ago. We moved back "home", although we have been married and had two kids since then, so I just don't have the same connection with my college buddies anymore. They are available, just only late at night or at other bad times for us. I have had some success with LLL, but it's slow going when they only meet once a month. I'm sorry the AP group didn't work for you. I haven't found any here that are already existing, and I have tried to get one started, but it's just not taking off at all. I have a hard time finding people I really click with since I'm kinda of an introvert and also a bit of a nerd, I guess. I am like you in that I want a really close friend, but I don't want to go through the "friend dating" process to find someone. It has been such a pain.<br><br>
I am also really bad at just being bold and making friends. A friend of mine in CA moved at the exact same time as me and she has already put together a kid's soccer team from people she just met at the park. I see people at the park who might be my speed, but I just chicken out when I think about approaching them.<br><br>
Best of luck. Wish we all lived close so we could just be friends with eachother!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
I've been trying to find the secret in making other SAHM friends. I've found a few to have play dates with but am the same as needing a really close friend I can just call up whenever!<br>
I feel as the opposite as you cdmommie, I"m always seen as the "Natural" mom (someone actually introduced me as that with air quotations!) who does CD, eats organic and all that stuff. but I try to never judge people's parenting...we all do our best.<br>
It is really hard to find someone you really click with. I've thought of approaching other moms but worry that it would be seen as weird or I would freak them out...<br>
I always wait for someone to make the first move and maybe they are waiting too...<br><br>
friend dating is so much harder than really dating in my opinion!<br>
but this thread motivates me to get out there and try again... glad i"m not the only one
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,264 Posts
I've had the same issues for years ... until about 18 months ago when I found a local Moms Club. In my club, there are a few that use cloth diapers and many more that don't. There are a few that bottle feed and many that breastfeed. It is a good mix of people. I would look into something like that. I know how lonely it can be! I'm more of an introvert and also love to have really close friends, like you said you do. I do find that difficult because I suppose those close friendships take a long time to get to that level and you can't rush it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,264 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Cprem</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14762438"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">friend dating is so much harder than really dating in my opinion!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
SO TRUE! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
<p>_</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,714 Posts
Consider joining the Holistic Moms Network. In my local chapter most of the members are pretty mainstream, but very interested in learning about all areas of alternative health & attachment parenting so that they can make informed parenting decisions. It's a very open-minded group with a wide range of opinions. I'm pretty soggy as far as granola goes, but I have gotten some other folks into babywearing & raw milk.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,077 Posts
honestly, i don't have many mom friends at all. i don't like being around other moms. i am so extreme in my parenting style that i feel like a freak. i have a lot of single girlfriends and gay guy friends. i think it's a little easier cause i only have one baby so far, but i think it's totally possible for you to meet other people who don't have children, or are older and done raising kids. i just don't see why we have to be friends with moms just because we're moms. i know that a lot of childfree people just don't "get it", but i kind of like not talking about babies all the time. before i had my baby i had a very good friend who was a mom. she moved away before i got pregnant, so we never got to be moms together. we had a great relationship!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,593 Posts
You & I are in the same boat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I love our familiar, safe little town, but DH wants to move to a bigger town about an hour away. I will probably end up giving in on the move just so I can meet new people and make friends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
193 Posts
I feel you guys.<br><br>
All I want is somebody I can hang out with who also has a kid around my DD's age. She encountered another baby for the first time at a party and was SOOOO interested. I don't want to deprive her.<br><br>
Ok, so maybe I want more... I am looking for a cooking partner to do "Once a Month Mom" with, somebody I might be able to trust to trade baby-setting with eventually. And hopefully somebody to help me understand CDing- am I just an idiot, or is it just not for me?<br><br>
I submitted a membership at an AP group at Meetup.com, and I am hopeful, but also very leary of it all working out.<br><br>
I also need to just get out of the dang house more.<br><br>
My only suggestion is Meetup.com - met most of my friends through groups there, and even my husband. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,593 Posts
Just wanted to come back & report that this thread motivated me to join a moms meet-up group! The closest one to me is an hour away, but it's definitely worth the drive once a week or so to meet some friends. Hopefully some of the moms will be coming from towns closer to me, too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
667 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I'm glad to see I'm not alone here...well in the situation I mean...I'm still alone here in sad ole' Denton, Tx LOL.<br>
I am a little more motivated to get out there though thanks to you mamas <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
I totally can relate to being the introverted nerdy girl <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> It sure makes "friend dating", as ya'll have so cleverly put it, harder.<br>
Plus I have been crushed by a person or two so it's hard to put the whole real me out there. YK?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
575 Posts
Too bad you don't live closer to Austin!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
Wish there were Moms like you when I go out who want friends, lol.<br><br>
I joined a Mom's group at church, not everybody is religious but there are all types of groups even secular ones if that's what works. It has helped and I also have friends who's kids are grown.<br><br>
I made a good friend by just bumping into her and giving her my number, sometimes if you ask if they are a stay at home mom and they say yes you can do that. She lived in my apartment building.<br><br>
Get out there, don't be shy! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/treehugger.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Treehugger"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top