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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have not found out the sex with my other four kids, despite numerous ultrasounds. I always wanted to wait. Don't think that I wasn't tempted, I always was, naturally!! (and I'm a ridiculous planning perfectionist that hates not knowing what tomorrow will bring because I can't color code it on my calendar and plan for it today...LOL) But I just never felt like it was worth it to peak, there are so few great surprises left in life and this is probably the best one out there. ;)

However, this time I'm wondering about finding out. It makes me feel like a hypocrite. ;) I realize that this could very well be our last baby, and I'm finally getting to where I'm coming to terms with that. But I'm kinda hoping for one sex over another...again, hypocritical of me as I've always been the "I could never have a preference, I'm just so grateful to be pregnant" type. I almost feel guilty even admitting it!!!

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has chosen to find out after numerous pregnancies where they didn't. Did you feel guilty, or like you ruined the surprise? I'm afraid I will regret it. The nice thing is I can ALWAYS wait for the birth, so no issue there. But I kind of want to know for emotional reasons (ones that I always thought were silly and shallow, and now I'm in that boat...so that's what I get for ever judging!!) I don't have to make any decisions right now or anything (at this point I don't even know if I'll have an ultrasound), so I've got time to just listen to stories and experiences.

(And a disclaimer, until you've walked in my shoes, let's not debate ultrasounds please...I understand the risks and strive for a little intervention as possible in pregnancy, but sometimes circumstances change things a bit!)
 

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I have three children and have found out with all of them. Our two oldest are boys, two years apart. We thought they were done after our second son. It wasn't until he was nearly five that we decided we wanted another, and I'll be very honest when I say that I wanted a daughter. I used techniques from genderdreaming.com to help sway our chances of conceiving a girl and when I finally got pregnant I swore up and down I didn't want to know the gender until birth. But the as the pregnancy progressed, I began to become quite anxious about the gender of the baby. I was worried that if it was a boy I'd be disappointed at birth (and I know how awful that sounds). It was a spiral of- I might be disappointed, that's a terrible thought, God I'm terrible for thinking that way..... And down and down the rabbit hole.

I decided that it was in my best interest to find out during the pregnancy. That way if the baby was a boy I could process whatever emotional stuff I would need to before birth. It was a good decision for me. Baby is now our seven week old daughter and enjoying her pregnancy knowing she was a she was so, so special.

It's such a personal choice, but I'm glad I found out. There's a twinge of 'oh it would have been magic to find out when she was born' BUT in order to get to that point I would have been hanging out in emotional unease for the entirety of my pregnancy.
 

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If you care, find out so you can prepare.

If you'll need/want different clothes, find out.

But finding out doesn't mean you have to tell anyone else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
If you care, find out so you can prepare.

If you'll need/want different clothes, find out.

But finding out doesn't mean you have to tell anyone else.
Right, and I wouldn't. It would definitely be between me and my husband. I have no desire to share that. But my biggest worry is that I'll be disappointed in myself for doing it. I am my own worst enemy!
 

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We have never found out. I've decided that it is better for me not to because I don't want to be disappointed when it isn't the gender I was hoping for. I know myself well enough to know that when the baby comes out I will be smitten no matter what but before that I know I might be disappointed and I don't want to put that energy on the baby. And believe me I am a total perfectionist, list maker, plan every detail kind of person - but I decided this is a healthier choice for us.
 

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My experience is the opposite of yours- found out with the first one (had planned not to, but he mooned the ultrasound camera and they gave me the picture of it) and didn't find out with the next two. Even now, when DS1 is 13, I regret finding out with him.
It sounds terrible, and I'm not saying I love him any less and you can't change the past so I don't dwell on it, but I do still wish that it would have been a surprise at his birth.
 

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I'm still in TTC land, so I hope to have this problem soon.:wink: I was young and just followed a very conventional protocol when I had my son (now 14). I found out the sex at the big ultra sound appointment like @Steph Anie He gave us a *very* good picture, so it would have been hard not to know. I've said ever since that if I'm able to experience it again, I will *not* find out, going so far as to avoid seeing a clear picture. (Don't worry about the ultrasound vs. no ultra sound issue. I'll be having one due to age and preference and while I consider myself quite a natural mama, I'm over the mama wars and can't give two hoots about opinions, just the facts ma'am. With your history of losses, I can only see why you would chose U/S. Hugs.)

I agree with your initial instinct that there are few surprises in life and this one is the ultimate. Plus, I admit to having a slight preference to have a girl this time since I'm sure that will be it for us. We're having to use fertility interventions to get there (I'd love to experience one of each since its proving to be so difficult to even happen) Because of that, I want zero reason to be even slightly disappointed for even a moment. I know how I felt at birth and I know disapoinment isn't possible at that point, but if I'm just laying there exposed in a dark air conditioned room in the very early second trimester with a surly ultra sound tech, I can't rule out a moment of disappointment in that environment.

So I told the Mr. about this preference of mine to wait for the euphoria of birth to find out. And guess what he wants to do? He wants to find out anyway, just him. He wants to be the lone person (well along with the chart and Dr. no doubt) who has this information. I've never even heard of this option. It sounds crazy to me- how could he keep it a secret? I'll probably pester him depending on hormonal emotions at the time.

Long story short- You've been surprised every other time. Try not to break your streak!
 

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no regrets! found out we were having a girl and it was easier to buy the right clothes and decorate her nursery accordingly!

H x
 

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I did not with DD1, but did with DD1. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone- including to the 'you' who made the choice not to find out with past pregnancies. Honestly, I think it is amazing finding out at the birth- but you've already gotten to experience that, and if you want to do something different just for the heck of it, or because it's nice to know, go for it. I don't think it's good to have an u/s just to find out the gender, but if you have to have the u/s anyways, then make any choice you want! DD1 I didn't need any u/s and it just felt normal/natural to not know. DD2 I had to have a lot of u/s, so I figured, why not give in to the curiosity. I was not all all disappointed. I don't know what I would do if I had a 3rd... But as a part of nesting, I might want to know for what clothes to keep (hey, it's petty etc that I even care what color my kids clothes are- but really, who cares.)
 

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I'm torn on this as well! With my first we found out because I did have a preference/gut feeling about the gender (ended up being right!) and I wanted to deal with any emotions finding out the gender could bring up before I had a newborn to care for/bond with. I think *not* finding out when I had a preference would have been a good thing only if the baby ended up being the gender I secretly hoped for. But I've never done it the other way to know how I'd feel in the moment. I've seen friends be "disappointed" however slightly, and a sweet newborn in their arms didn't seem to make the feelings they felt any less than those who felt those feelings earlier by finding out with U/S. Here's how I rationalized my feelings about finding out; I felt like my baby is my baby in the womb or out of the womb, a surprise is a surprise in Feburary or in June and knowing the gender earlier or later is only going to affect the time frame I spend processing the news. I feel like when there is a preference, you should find out sooner to have less time to build up false ideas and more time to process the reality (That sounds extreme, I know we aren't talking about wanting something THAT bad but on whatever level it is, you know what I mean!) Unless, between now and then, you are able to find something that makes you just as excited about having one gender as you are about the other.

For my next pregnancy, I don't have a preference on gender but I am a huge planner and whether we end up with two of the same gender or a boy and girl is going to change how we do rooms, not to mention whether we have to buy new clothes or not and part of me just really wants to be able to say to my oldest, "You are going to have a sister/brother." But a bigger part of me wants to see what all the fuss is about waiting for the surprise until birth! Anyway, since I don't have a preference I think I am going to wait so I get to experience both sides. :)

My sister has 4 kids and the only one she found out with was her second. She had a strong preference and felt like she needed to know. She also had a preference for her next two but she didn't have the need/option of ultrasounds and was okay with being surprised at birth. Her third was a girl when she was sure he was a boy and that was hard but her fourth was the boy she wanted and that seemed to heal everything. Anyway. Not sure if any of that was helpful. You'll have to update what you are planning to do. :)
 
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