Mothering Forum banner

1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
667 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
<p>I have struggled with my paternal issues all my life.  My "biological father" as I used to refer to him was in and out of my life and eventually his second wife pushed me out of their life all together.  When I was 2, my mom had remarried and the man I call my Daddy adopted me when I turned 5 (and they divorced 7 yrs ago btw).  He was pretty amazing and loved me more than the world (is/does ;) ) </p>
<p>In a discussion with my mom about the issues I have been having with the "biological" paternal side of my family, I casually said, man these people are just so frustrating.  Is there any chance he's NOT my father, ha ha ha.....  My mom looked a little red in the face and admitted, yes it is quite possible and said she had never told another soul about her affair.  SHOCK!!!!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>First of all, I have been through so much heart ache trying to find my place in a family that isn't sure if they want me (the bio side) and my "Daddy" (adoptive) has dealt with heartache over me wanting to know my biological father.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, at 26 my mom decides to drop the bomb that she doesn't actually know who my father is.  And, she forbid me to discuss it with anyone, so I feel like I'm dealing with a lot of confusing emotions on my own.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm just in shock, and I can't really get support from anyone (except of course DH) so here I am.  Anyone else been through something like this?  What did you do? Did you care to find your "real" father?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This makes me even  more thankful for my Daddy now.  I'm lucky to have been adopted, but I still just have this uneasy feeling in my tummy over it all.</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
13,072 Posts
<img alt="hug2.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"> My mother never really knew who my father was, either. I also was raised by stepfathers and the one person I thought was my father she told me wasn't at age 7-8. When I was 12 she told me it was either it was him or another man-she cheated on #2 with the man I thought was my dad. But then the other man wasn't sure I was his and so they broke it off and #1 raised me. Confusing, sorry, trying to get around using their names! Either way, I contacted #2 when I was 24 and knew immediately it was him. It was such a huge deal tracking him down but we hit it off immediately and just knew that he was my dad and I look just like him. So good luck on your search!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
730 Posts
<p>My father and I found out earlier this year (on Fathers Day of all days) that my dad, the man who raised me, may not be my biological father. I actually posted about this on a thread when it happened. I'm 29, btw (about to turn 30). My parents are divorcing and I have nothing to do with my mother. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I had always joked in passing that my dad might not be my bio-dad, only because I know my mom had quite the reputation (my two brothers each have different dads). So, knowing my mother's history, it didn't come as quite a shock to hear that she was cheating on my dad around the time of my conception. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm not in a huge hurry to figure out paternity. I don't even know who the other potential fathers are. We'll get a paternity test done eventually for medical reasons. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Some relatives on my mom's side of the family are aware of the question of paternity, but I don't think anybody on my dad's side are aware he might not be my biological father. I'm content to keep it that way. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,039 Posts
<p>Maybe one of the uneasy feelings are that your mom has been lying. And now you are questioning what other lies she has told to you and potential bio-dad. His behavior might not have been all because he was a jerk but because he was being lied to and manipulated.  There is now a web of deceit and confusion laid down by your mom.  This has to unhing a lot of emotions.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your potential biodad's behavior is now much more complicated.  What if he did what he did because he had good reasons to suspect you were not his.  Even if you are there was reason to suspect your mom's behavior.  </p>
<p> </p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
970 Posts
<p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>It wasn't until I was 18 that I found out my Dad wasn't sure he was my father for many years of my life. I don't look like either of my parents, but when my adult teeth came in he knew I was his. (I have perfect teeth that have a slight slope in gum line that only family would notice that is the same as my father, my uncle, my grandmother and her father)</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>My birth mom did not cheat, but he didn't know that.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>I don't know how I feel about that information...and if it had been the other way (her newer Dh)</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>I guess for me I don't really care as much about bloodlines as I do who cared for me and loved me. BUT that was a process.</span></p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
667 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
<p>I don't think anyone else even knows.  I decided to talk to my adoptive dad about it.  He has no contact with my mom or the rest of the family and he lives far away, so I figure there's not much chance of anyone else knowing from him.  He was very supportive and loving and even offered to help me find out who it really is if I wanted.  I told him I don't want to at this point. Anyway, he was pretty shocked too.  I don't think my (suspected) Bio-Dad has any idea either.  He has always had only good things to say about my mom.  They ended up divorcing because he was physically abusive to us, not because he suspected cheating.  So, I don't think his behavior has anything to do with this information.  If we were "allowed" to speak to one another, I would ask for a test, just for medical information.  But, at this point his wife doesn't allow me to speak with him.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's just a mess.</p>
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top