Okay, I just woke up from this dream so I remember all the details. I dreamt that when I had the baby, a good portion of my family--extended family included--was all there, and the birth was in a hospital...not the small, intimate home birth I have planned. When the baby was born, they took her from me--neither DH nor I got to touch her before the nurses took her. They took her out of the room, saying she was fine but they had to do some 'routine procedures'. I was really upset and kept saying, "I want my baby" and everyone was acting like I was a crazy hysterical person, being unreasonable and difficult. I just knew that the baby was crying somewhere, and that they were bathing her and giving her shots and doing all the things I didn't want, and I wanted to nurse her right away and everything...but I was helpless, and nobody else was doing anything either...my husband was nowhere to be found, my own mother kept telling me it was just what they do in hospitals, the rest of my family rolled my eyes because they thought I was being dramatic, all while I got more and more upset. Finally, my mom went up to a checkout window to buy some food, and for $199 they gave her the baby instead. She was all clean and wrapped up in a blanket--not the gunk covered, floppy baby I had wanted put on my chest after she was born...I had to snatch her out of my mothers arms because she didn't even think to hand her to me. When I held her, I felt such overwhelming love and relief, but at the same time, I felt like, "I am never going to get to relive the last few hours, and it was so, so not what I wanted." I was so happy but I was so disappointed and felt so cheated. I also wanted to get away from all the people and just hold my baby skin to skin...so I walked away from everyone, searching for a place to do so...And my DH...where the heck was he this whole time?!? No idea. Then, I woke up.
Think I have a little apprehension about the birth? I can see pretty clearly that I'm worried about things going much differently then DH and I want, in some pretty specific ways--DH disappearing, mom taking over, too many people around, and me ending up in a hospital, with things not going very well. I'm glad I had this dream to help me identify some of my fears and worries about the birth.