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Discussion Starter #1
<p>My nursling just turned 4. Successful breastfeeding was a hard HARD road for me, and I am personally super proud of myself for having made it work. DS2 is still nursing, technically. As in.... every couple of days he'll ask, and he'll nurse for a minute or two. I don't really think I'm producing milk, but I don't think that matters at this point. DS2 likes nursing, but he's not overly attached to it anymore. It's just something that's there, and I see no point in taking it away from him. I mean, why? It doesn't bother me, it makes him happy, it's ok. </p>
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<p>But today I saw an online "friend" comment to someone else that she was "trying to get over" knowing that I nurse my 4 year old. Is that really what people think? I don't make a big show of it, but I did mention when I announced his birthday that I was also celebrating 4 years of breastfeeding. </p>
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<p>Ugh, lame. She will swiftly be deleted, don't worry, but it's just.... ugh. </p>
 

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<p>Cool. :)  I admire your courage in being so open about breastfeeding.  Even so, rejection is something that can be an inevitable part of being outspoken about an unpopular idea.</p>
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<p>I've learned over time to separate "lactivism" from personal breastfeeding experience because I want to protect myself and my kids from any negativity associated from something we see as very normal.</p>
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<p>My oldest nursed until she was 5.  I kept it pretty quiet though, and didn't really talk much about the fact that she was still nursing.  I had some unsupportive family and negative experiences right from the beginning.  I figured that if they didn't even like that I was "still" breastfeeding at say, 2-3 months old, they certainly weren't going to be happy to realize that we continued nursing for years.  So I learned to view breastfeeding a personal choice and didn't advertise it to many people.  </p>
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<p>I didn't really start advocating for breastfeeding until after mine were weaned, because it didn't affect us personally then.  I have been is discussions with people about extended breastfeeding where I have cited studies and gone for the evidence-based research approach, and have been well respected.  But I can guarantee that if I approached these same conversations with, "I breastfed a 5-year old and we're fine", I would suddenly be one of those uneducated freaks who is taking out sexual perversions on a child.  This is why I think how people respond to EBF is all in the approach.<span style="display:none;"> </span></p>
 

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<p>Oh dear.  Which is upsetting you more?  The fact that she was commenting about you when she (presumably) thought you wouldn't see the comment, or the fact that the comment was about your EBF? </p>
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<p>I think I would be more angry about her commenting behind my back tbh, whether it be about EBF, or my appearance, or whatever. </p>
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<p>In my experience, it is almost impossible for anyone to truly understand EBF unless they have done it themselves. </p>
<p>Did she mean "trying to get over" in a "ewww, gross" way, or is she genuinely trying to understand?  Perhaps it might be an idea to ask her to clarify and see how she responds before clicking delete? </p>
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<p>Thanks. I definitely don't just shout it from the rooftops, and we definitely never nurse around other people. But if it comes up somehow or someone mentions something, I'll hint to it. In the case of this, it was something on my post on my journal online, and it was really only a mention. That's why it's so frustrating I guess. <br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>kythe</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285857/first-blatant-negativity#post_16122195"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Cool. :)  I admire your courage in being so open about breastfeeding.  Even so, rejection is something that can be an inevitable part of being outspoken about an unpopular idea.</p>
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<p>I've learned over time to separate "lactivism" from personal breastfeeding experience because I want to protect myself and my kids from any negativity associated from something we see as very normal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My oldest nursed until she was 5.  I kept it pretty quiet though, and didn't really talk much about the fact that she was still nursing.  I had some unsupportive family and negative experiences right from the beginning.  I figured that if they didn't even like that I was "still" breastfeeding at say, 2-3 months old, they certainly weren't going to be happy to realize that we continued nursing for years.  So I learned to view breastfeeding a personal choice and didn't advertise it to many people.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I didn't really start advocating for breastfeeding until after mine were weaned, because it didn't affect us personally then.  I have been is discussions with people about extended breastfeeding where I have cited studies and gone for the evidence-based research approach, and have been well respected.  But I can guarantee that if I approached these same conversations with, "I breastfed a 5-year old and we're fine", I would suddenly be one of those uneducated freaks who is taking out sexual perversions on a child.  This is why I think how people respond to EBF is all in the approach.<span style="display:none;"> </span></p>
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<p><br>
Good question.... A big part of it is probably just that someone is talking about me behind my back in a semi-public forum. But part of it is also probably the negativity towards extended breastfeeding as well, especially from someone who claims to be "open-minded" and tolerant and whatever. I mean, clearly not. </p>
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<p>And it was pretty definitely "ewww" response, not an understanding one. To be honest, I'm kind of just watching the comments and seeing what plays out. I think she thought somehow she blocked me from the post, because otherwise it doesn't make sense to be talking about me the way she is. So I don't want to jump in and start commenting because I can see that going downhill really fast. When I delete her, I plan to just send her a private message and say, look, I don't think what you did was cool, I'm sorry this isn't working out. I don't want to make a big fuss. It won't solve anything. <br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Stovies</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285857/first-blatant-negativity#post_16122462"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Oh dear.  Which is upsetting you more?  The fact that she was commenting about you when she (presumably) thought you wouldn't see the comment, or the fact that the comment was about your EBF? </p>
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<p>I think I would be more angry about her commenting behind my back tbh, whether it be about EBF, or my appearance, or whatever. </p>
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<p>In my experience, it is almost impossible for anyone to truly understand EBF unless they have done it themselves. </p>
<p>Did she mean "trying to get over" in a "ewww, gross" way, or is she genuinely trying to understand?  Perhaps it might be an idea to ask her to clarify and see how she responds before clicking delete? </p>
<p> </p>
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<p>I personally wouldn't tell someone I was about to "unfriend" them.  I'd just do it.  If they ever commented to me about it, then you could tell her why, or say you were just trying to pare down some of your fb "friends" to people you actually communicate with on a regular basis, rather than everyone you've ever met.</p>
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<p>It may be more of a hassle or upsetting to you to confront her about it.</p>
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<p>Good luck!</p>
 

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<p>I would probably comment.  Something like "I'm sorry you feel that way." I would want her to know I saw the comment because that was incredibly rude of her and she might apologize.  I can understand just ignoring her, that's just what I would do.   I would unfriend as well.</p>
 

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<p>I think it is actually jealousy and/or guilt that motivates a lot of comments like this.</p>
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<p>My sister nursed her babies for 8 weeks each, and I think it vaguely stabs at her that I'm still nursing my 3 yr old. Like, she thinks I feel superior, and then also, wished she'd stuck with it, and resents the lack of support she faced when struggling with her newborns. </p>
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<p>Sounds like your friend is trying to "get over" some of her own feelings of inadequacy. Unfriend her, because she's toxic, but still pity her.</p>
 
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