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Previously I had thought I was German, right done to the bone. My entire life I was told, we are German, my grandfather came from Germany, was a Nazi sympathizer, loved Hitler. There was nothing else, only Germany.

Until, just a week ago. When I felt inspired to look more into my surname. My grandfather and grandmother may have coem from Germany as well as their parents before them, but we aren't German, we're Norwegian. Norwegian. So I dug deeper. I have treid to do a geneology of my family for some time- off and on, I never got very far (most of my father's family is dead), but this time I was able to get farther and spent ours online.

I've always wanted to hae a connection to something. I'm the outcast of my family so am not connected to any of them so my desire for connection to my past is even more strong. So after hours and hours of searching and learning that my last name is a spelling variation of another I was able to trace my family from the past to the present much easier than the other way around. Norwegian... I'm descended directly from King Canute. I'm elated and shocked. Not that kingship means anything, it doesn't. I could have been descended from a Norwegian sheep herded and I would have een just as elated. But, this is bringing closure and family into my life. Because I do not have a connection through immediate family, I know am gaining a sense of heritage and family through the dead, and I feel satifisied. THIS is who I am becoming. I don't know who I am now. I'm not finished with myself.

I'm white by appearance. Average. I have fair skin that tans easily, I have brown hair that lightens in the sun after a summer of exposure. I come from a family of large people, I'm large.

A few years ago I was turned on to the notion that race didn't exist. That, scientifically there were not enough differences physically or genetically, to classify individuals into "races" and I cling to this idea. We may have multitudes of ethnicities that defien us, but race is not an issue. Racism in other words, is only skin deep.
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