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First prenatal appointment...need some advice!!!!!

1831 Views 11 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  saskmom
Hello everyone!!

First I would like to introduce myself and apologize for how long this post is going to be.....I am April....A stay at home mommy to madison who is 6 and connor who is 3 and my little peanut's EDD is November 17th!!!! So I will jump right into it.............

I went to my first prenatal appointment and I think it was really awful...I will try to explain it in some detail but I know I will ramble on because I am very upset about it so try to bare with me......

I go to see my family doctor ....We (hubby and two children) have to drive an hour to get there....we get there and she takes me in and basically tells me I am due (according to my dates) December 17th....which is not right at all because I am due NOVEMBER 17th!!! ( I know the exact date we conceived!!!) Then she ends up giving me a pap smear which to my understanding should not be done while you are pregnant and I started to bleed...she didn't measure my belly (I remember laying down and getting measured from breast bone to pelvic bone)...she also didn't push on my stomach to see how the baby is positioned or whatever the reason why they do that....i remember that with my other two.....she didnt even give me a pregnancy test!!!!!!!! She also didn't try to listen to the heartbeat and she told me not to come and see her every only come when I have concerns!!!! She also asked me to fill out a mandatory form which basically said that at 16-17 weeks they can find out if the baby has any birth defects and to fill out this form for adoption or abortion if there is any birth defects!!!!! This is crazy...I told her that it doesn't interest me because no matter how my baby turns out I will still be its mother and I did not want an abortion or an adoption to happen....She told me to talk it over with my husband a little further and I can fill the form out later....All of this bothers me and I spotted for two days!!! I am so upset and don't know what to do....Does all of this rambling make sense????....let me know what you think!!!!

I am also from a very small town in Canada and my only option is for a hospital birth because there is no mid wifes (dulas) in this area at all!!!

April Therrien

"There are two kinds of households, one where the kids get in the way of important things, or the one where the kids ARE the important things."
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Well, the pap smear thing is pretty common, even though it's not the best idea and the results are not reliable anyway. It is still a common practice for most docs to do. The measuring and checking position is usually not done until later in the pregnancy. Baby is still too small to tell anything from that at this stage. I'm not sure exactly how far along you are, but maybe it's too early to hear the heartbeat as well? She probably could tell just from the exam that you are pregnant. Did she not feel your uterus at all? Normally they will put one hand in your vagina to feel the uterus from the inside and then place the other hand down low on your belly to check the size of your uterus.

As far as the not coming every month, that doesn't actually sound too bad if a little uncommon. Unless you are having problems those in between visits are pretty boring and useless.

The whole abortion/adoption form thing sounds off though. I've never even heard of that and I don't know why she'd even bring it up if there are no signs of any defects yet. At any rate it doesn't sound like she presented the material in a very sensitive way at all.

After having said all that, even if everything she did was absolutely kosher, which I'm not saying it was, you are obviously not comfortable with her as a provider. You need someone you can trust. If I were you I'd try to find someone else that can better suit your needs.

Edited to add that I just realized that this was posted in the Nov DDC, and I'm due in May. Sorry, saw it in New posts and didn't realize.
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Yup - pap is normal here (unless you've had one quite recently before pregnancy). With my pap last week, I had the normal yearly internal exam (where the doc has one gloved hand inside me and uses her other hand externally to palpate my abdomen - checking for abnormalities in ovaries, uterus, etc). She felt around my abdomen with both hands, but even said at the time that I probably wouldn't be far enough along to feel the uterus above the pelvic bone (my edd is 11/12). She also said she wasn't going to check for a heartbeat yet because the earliest she had ever heard it was 8 weeks (I was 7 at the time - you'd be about 6-6.5 right now).

The not every month thing - that would be FINE with me. Like you, I'm seeing a family practioner, and we have to drive 45-60 minutes (depending on the office she's at that week later in the pregnancy) for an appointment. If you have a concern - by all means, go. Otherwise, it's just a long trip and another chance to expose your healthy self to sick people =)

I hope that's somewhat comforting. As for the month-late edd and the idea that you'll get rid of your child if s/he's not perfect... that would be my clue to find another care provider. But the other stuff wouldn't bother me at all.
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No problem about posting...I am happy for a reply....You made me feel a little better about the whole situation....The doctor did not even feel or touch my stomach at all....her hand was not at all inside me either...she just did a pap smear, used a swab and that was it....she baiscially went on my word that I am pregnant....I am only 7 weeks pregnant so the hearbeat may not of been heard but I thought maybe she would are right by noticing that I obviously am not comfotable with her so I should go see someone else and I definetly will!!! She has been my family doctor for 2 years now and I absolutely loved her because she was always very understanding and caring towards me and my family so I was just extremely let down by her!! Thanks again for the reply!!
Jumping in from October.

I am so sorry for such an awful ordeal. You may have to have a hospital birth, but at least look for another doctor. I know there are many mamas on these boards from Canada...though where exactly in Canada I'm not sure. I would suggest posting in the FINDING YOUR TRIBE>Canada section to see if you can hook up w/ other moms in your area to get recommendations from then.

Again I am so sorry for your experience. Good for your for questioning and not just going along with that form.

Best to you.
Thanks Gen!!!!! You made me feel much better!!!! I will be going to another doctor but not anytime soon I don;'t think....I am still in the early stages of the pregnancy so I will wait until at least 8 weeks pregnant or more to go to another doctor!!! Thanks for the reply!!! You definetly eased my mind!!!

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Hi April,
Just wondering where you're located? I've just moved to Regina, but my babies were born in Saskatoon at home with a midwife. Anyways, let me know if you want/need the names of the midwives in Saskatoon and Regina.
It usually is standard to go every month and then with increased frequency towards the end. So if you *want* to have those regular appointments, then I think she should let you schedule them, after all, as a pg mama regular prenatal care is your right! Just b/c she doesn't want to have to go through the whole song and dance every month doesn't mean that she should close that door to you if you should desire it. Personally I think prenatals are important b/c sometimes you may feel "okay" but there is a problem (e.g. urine infection, high bp, even sometimes a m/c that doesn't have any symptoms). I feel like there's no harm in just having that regular check. Sure, only a small percentage of women do have serious issues, but why be a statistic if you can do some basic preventive care during the pg? ...Just my 2 cents
Hope that you can find someone you are comfortable with, though!
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I wonder if she (the Dr) was uncomfortable doing OB things even though she may be used to doing GYN things? So she felt comfortable doing a PAP, but then didn't know or think to do an internal exam...
Yes, paps are normal, though my fp asked if I wanted to wait until after the babe was born, since the results are not reliable anyway (and I declined the pap). Not measuring and not listening for the heartbeat is not unusual either. I would be freaking out over the abortion/adoption thing. Is she your normal family doc? Maybe she was jumping to conclusions about you, if you are new to her. I wouldn't go back if I could help it. As for only coming in if you have a problem -- maybe she is overbooked and just can't take more appointments? You have had two children already, so maybe she figures you know it all
Still seems strange, with all the emphasis put on quality prenatal care.

I would take up HerthElde on her offer for info for midwives. I have a friend who had one baby in Saskatchewan, in Saskatoon I believe, and she delivered in the hospital with midwives. If it is at all like Ontario, the midwifery care will be far better than a family doc. I have my first appointment next week, I'm pg with my fourth, and they still book 45 mins for your initial appointment. Most of it is chatting about past pregnancies, labour, and births, and expectations for this preg/birth, diet, overall health, feelings, etc. And again, my experiences are only in Ontario, but I've been a client at two different practices so far, and they were great about letting me bring the kids, they had toys in the room, etc. I'm now at a third and I haven't been for an appointment yet, but they said kids are no problem to bring. That's a big deal when you're not a first time mom, and when you're a sahm and don't have regular child care. They were also very good about including the kids in things, explaining what was happening when they did measure my belly, etc.

Good luck, and welcome!
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Well I would like to thank everyone for all their great advice!!! I did not expect to get this great of a response....I should post more often!!! Thanks everyone for making me feel welcome here!!! I'll keep in touch!!!


Mother to Madison, 6 and Connor, 3!!!
EDD November 17th, 2006!!!!!
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