[saramir77]

Hi ladies,
i've been reading this forum for a couple of days and have so many questions that i am hoping the collective expertise can help with. actually, i guess i am just looking for a little reassurance from a group of women who seem knowledgeable and non-judgmental.

i'm 31, married, and this baby was 100% planned but i have no idea what i'm doing!! i guess i just didn't think i would get pregnant so quickly (am so happy!) plus i was nervous that doing too much planning would jinx my chances getting pregnant. anyway, here i am, 5.5 weeks preggo per my LMP and due July 31.

now what?

i have called the one doctor someone recommended long before i was even thinking about getting pregnant and i have an appointment in 2 weeks. it's at a hospital where most of the people i know have given birth. i have no idea what to expect because the woman who made the appointment sounded rushed (this doesn't seem like a good sign to me but it also could have been that i had no clue and she sensed that).

i've been taking prescription pre-natal vitamins for 4 months and i've read the relevant sections in What to Expect, The Girlfriend's Guide, and Our Bodies, Ourselves, Pregnancy & Childbirth, and i'm being careful about what i eat and drink, but I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.

Should I be calling around to interview potential OBs or midwives? How do I interview them? I don't want to tell my friends that I'm pregnant yet so how do I find good practitioners?

before having a baby was a reality, i fantasized about the all-natural, midwife, birthing center experience. now that i am pregnant, however, i am FREAKED OUT and realizing that i can't/don't want to do that mostly because i am PHOBIC of blood and guts (seriously...i panic and get faint every time i see my period, let alone any kind of unexpected blood). i also don't tolerate pain and discomfort so well. i am a weak weak person (please don't judge).

this is really long already and i'm thankful to anyone who's read this far. any words of specific advice, or of reassurance in general, would be much appreciated.

thank you! sara

 

[mamaveggie]

: Congratulations and welcome! As far as selecting a ob/midwife, I would go to your appointment and see if you hit it off with that person first. If you don't then you can start calling other places. Someone recommended to me the questions in the back of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth to ask of possible birth attendents. There is a section for drs and midwives. This is my third pregnancy and I am freaked out too. Not as badly as the first time and I am finally confident enough to go the midwife route this time. There are a lot of ladies on this board that can give some excellent advice, so be sure to stick around!

 

[fruitfulmomma]

I am about to give birth to my 5th and hoping to have my third homebirth and I hate the sight of blood also. I have never seen one of my placentas because I told dh it would make me vomit. (I even send my kids next door to their grandmother to get fixed up if they are bleeding.

) Anyway, as far as birth location goes I don't think there is any more/less exposure to it in one place over the other.

If you can get ahold of the book A Good Birth, A Safe Birth, they have a good list of questions to ask when interviewing care providers.

 

[DahliaRW]

I would read Henci Goer's "A Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth". And I would rethink going natural or not. There is blood either way, one just involves a needle in your spine and the other doesn't! And if you birth in water you really don't see or smell the blood much.

 

[AniellasMommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by saramir77 before having a baby was a reality, i fantasized about the all-natural, midwife, birthing center experience. now that i am pregnant, however, i am FREAKED OUT and realizing that i can't/don't want to do that mostly because i am PHOBIC of blood and guts (seriously...i panic and get faint every time i see my period, let alone any kind of unexpected blood). i also don't tolerate pain and discomfort so well. i am a weak weak person (please don't judge).

Im the same way.
I had my first in the hospital and the second at home with a midwife. As far as blood and gore goes. DH has made it very clear that the hospital experience was WAY grosser/bloody/nasty than our homebirth. (and I have to agree) dd's birth was so clean, I was in the pool there was no blood at all until the placenta came and my midwife was awesome and wisked it all away and left my house spotless.

 

[moonygoony]

I wouldn't discount a midwife because of your fear. All of us have fears going into birth and motherhood. Midwives have much more training in normal birth and the emotional side of things. In our culture, most of women only see birth as scary, messy, painful. However, birth can be a wonderful experience (yes, with pain and some mess and fear). Find someone who can help you to break apart and examine your fears. Break that fear, tension, pain cycle!

Dive into information. The books you read are a good start. Some other excellent beginning books are Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (mentioned in the post above) and Sheila Kitzinger's Complete Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth. Watch you tube births that are inspiring, not building upon the fear-based birth rituals of our culture (hello cable tv birth shows, yikes!)

Look into all of your options. Find out the docs stats, interview a couple different docs and midwives, watch The Business of Being Born (it can be rented on Netflicks if you can't find a copy elsewhere). If you choose to birth in the hospital or birth center, get thee to a doula. Look into the different local classes. Find one that embraces different ways of birthing so that you can be well prepared for whatever your birth serves you.

 

[learnlovebe]

I remember the anxiety of how to choose a caregiver all too well. I had just moved to a new city, new state, and was 600 miles away from my dh when we found out (I had taken a new job and he kept his while still looking for a new one where I was). I too, had fantasized about my this birth was going to be like: I had wanted an all natural, water birth at a birthing center with a caring midwife.

I started by looking into my insurance, and seeing which hospitals/clinics were covered w/ my plan.

The only birthing center in my area was not covered. So, in a state of panic, chose a clinic that was halfway between my work and home, the hospital was close too (at that point I didn't know when my husband would be with me, so I wanted something CLOSE, in case I was doing it on my own). I looked at clinics online, and checked out their drs bios. I found a family practice dr whose bio I liked, and who *looked* like a really nice lady (isn't that an awful way to choose?). I made an appt w/ her, and knew that if I didn't get good vibes, I would find someone else. When I met her, she was fantastic. She had 4 kids of her own, all bf beyond a year. She was only there 2 days a week, but the one day she had evening hours, AND she delivered ALL patient's babies herself, unless she was away on vacation.

She ended up being perfect for me. She was very down to earth, non-intrusive (at least to me she seemed that way). When it got near the end, she knew I wanted to avoid a c-section as much as possible, but she also knew I had a rather large baby in my tummy. I ended up being induced a week early, but I really sensed that my body was ready at that time. I endured pitocin contractions for a few hours (man, they were strong), but then I asked for an epiural. The nurses/dr in NO way pushed it on me, but honored my request once I asked. It was just enough to take the "edge" off, but still allowed me to feel the pressure of the contractions. The labor itself was, in my memory, the most powerful, amazing thing I've done.

My dr helped me to deliver the baby and NOT have a c-section- despite a HUGE head/shoulders/chest and a 9lb, 10 oz baby boy.

The point I'm trying to make (in a very non-judgemental way) is that though I didn't have the exact kind of birth I thought I was going to have, I am in NO WAY sorry for any of the choices I made. I STILL had a great birth experience, and I would do it all again, if I was in the same city (we've moved again). And, I have a beatiful little boy to show for it.

:

I think you're doing exactly what you need to do to decide what's best for you and your lo. Keep reading those books, prioritize what you want/ don't want, and think about what are "comrpomises" you'd live with. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

 

[saramir77]

thank you thank thank you to all of you for not telling me i'm being a worrywart and for the wonderful suggestions. i will definitely look at those recommended books and take it one step at a time, and keep reading here. i'm hoping that i will click with the ob and that she'll just help me figure out what i want and give it to me.

being pregnant is so far not exactly how i imagined. it's not bad (though i am already feeling nauseous throughout the day, and i'm SO.TIRED.) but i remember i always used to think that pregnancy would be the best part of having kids. i would glow and rejoice in the miracle of growing a life within me.

today i accidentally referred to the baby as a "gremlin" (husband did not like that so much

) because it really does feel like something is taking over my body. this is so not me or any kind of attitude about pregnancy that i ever imagined holding. i'm 100% thrilled and empowered but also there's a little twinge of something that made me refer to the baby as a gremlin. although, my husband did say he feels like i am glowing and more beautiful. i just feel bloated and see my face full of zits.

anyway, i'm thrilled to have found this site and all of you. thanks again.

 

[geekgolightly]

Welcome! No judgements here. You'll make the right choice for you. You know your body and mind.

I would suggest reading The Bradley Method to see if that method might be any good for you; it did amazing things for my best friend. She was able to give birth naturally and almost silently! It was breathtaking to watch.

I hopped around in bed hoooting like a monkey, while in pain, while on mag sulfate and pitocin (the nurses were so mad at me for standing, let alone hopping!) and then begged for that epidural. Each pregnancy is different and you need to follow yours and do what is best for you. In the end, what matters is you get a babe.

 

[vonn's_mama]

I just wanted to second the "there is blood at the hospital" sentiment. My main concern about doing a hb this time was that I'd get blood on the carpet (silly, I know). When I interviewed my midwife she said that I expect blood because hospital births are so bloody. They put you up on a table 3 feet above the ground, so when the baby comes out, whatever comes out with it splashes everywhere! Conversely, at home, you are usually squatting about the ground or on all 4s or whatever, so you're not that high off the ground. When the baby comes out, whatever comes out with it just goes on the waterproof pad and the whisk it away.

I too was too scared to do a hb with my first one. My hospital birth definitely convinced me to try a hb this time, but that doesn't mean it was horrible. I would just second reading the books you've been recommended (I love Ina May's Guide to Childbirth). I also love "Baby Catcher" by Peggy something (you'll want someone to pre-skim for the one scary story that you shouldn't read - the rest are very positive), and "The Business of Being Born," which you can get on Netflix or amazon.

 

[BlessedEarthMother]

I would suggest that you read as much as you can. During my first pregnancy I read as many books as I could get my hands on that seemed to go along with my instincts. It made me feel much more empowered and in control of the processes of pregnancy and birth instead of being at the mercy of what a Dr. told me. I ended up going with a midwife and a birth center b/c it didn't take long to realize that when you have a low risk pregnancy it is much more dangerous to be in a hospital than anywhere else.

You need to look into your options in your state and local area as well. For example: when I birthed at the birth center I couldn't have an epidural at all. But where I live now, if I wanted to I could use a midwife at the hospital and have the option of an epidural. It's all about what your options are and what you are comfortable with.

I recommend the books:

The Birth That's Right for You by Ness, Rubin, and Frederick-Berner

A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer

The Pregnancy Book by Dr. Sears

The Birth Book by Dr. Sears

Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Simkin, Whalley, & Keppler

Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper

The Doula Book by Klaus, Kennel, and Klaus

I also highly recommend that you hire a Doula. No matter what type of birth you decide you want to go for, a Doula will support you mentally, emotionally, and physically throughout the process. I don't think I would be so pleased with the labor and birth of my son if it weren't for my Doula. She was completely invaluable to me during the process. Having a woman there who has been through childbirth and is completely focused on supporting you is so amazing. It is so important that no matter where or how you are giving birth, you have a team of people there who will support you in achieving your goals. My Doula had such an impact on me that I decided to become one myself! If you have any questions about Doulas, feel free to ask me!

Good Luck to You! I know you can find what is best for you and your baby and you can have a birth experience that will empower you for the rest of your life!

 

[saramir77]

thanks for the additional recommendations and words of wisdom!

i'm torn between wanting to know everything about childbirth so i can prepare the best, and just wanting to close my eyes and ignore everything so i can rely on instinct when it's too late to go back. i think i'm going to dive in to learn as much as i can now that it's early and then back off and not think anymore when it becomes more real.

 

[MominTN]

This is all so helpful! I would like to birth in a hospital with my OB, but I'm thinking of having a doula as well. My doctor, who is also an acquaintance from church, would be happy to work with her. I'm so glad everyone here is so accepting and affirming rather than judgmental. I'm looking forward to learning a lot through all the books you all have recommended, too!

Crystal

 

[dsb76]

I'm in a similar situation (First pregnancy, trying to figure out how to find the best practitioner without telling everyone I'm pregnant) I just went to my first OB appt and felt the whole thing a little rushed - it's a multiple OB practice that delivers at a busy urban teaching hospital that has a new laborist system and it's possible that when I deliver it will be with a doctor I've never met. I want to check out the birthing center (associated with a different hospital and practice) but I already made my next appt and ultrasound appt through my OB. Does anyone know when I need to make a firm decision (how far into the pregnancy can switch?). Is it okay for me to continue to go to my OB while scouting for other options - I feel guilty like I'm being disloyal! (silly, i know)

I'm also considering a doula but I have plenty of time for that (I'm not due until July 31st)

saramir - how did your first appt go?

 

[bananababies]

Egh, get rid of "What to Expect"! The books mentioned in this thread are so much more informative! I don't know if anyone mentioned "Pushed", but that's really good too.

See if there is a BirthNetwork or something similar in your area and start attending meetings. They're great places to find out more about the birthing climate in your area, plus get recommendations and meet midwives, doulas, and other birth professionals in your area.

 

[DahliaRW]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dsb76 I'm in a similar situation (First pregnancy, trying to figure out how to find the best practitioner without telling everyone I'm pregnant) I just went to my first OB appt and felt the whole thing a little rushed - it's a multiple OB practice that delivers at a busy urban teaching hospital that has a new laborist system and it's possible that when I deliver it will be with a doctor I've never met. I want to check out the birthing center (associated with a different hospital and practice) but I already made my next appt and ultrasound appt through my OB. Does anyone know when I need to make a firm decision (how far into the pregnancy can switch?). Is it okay for me to continue to go to my OB while scouting for other options - I feel guilty like I'm being disloyal! (silly, i know) I'm also considering a doula but I have plenty of time for that (I'm not due until July 31st) saramir - how did your first appt go?

You can switch whenever. But, if a midwife/OB is booked for when you're due, you're out of luck. I'd at least go interview at the birthcenter. Then if you decide yes, you can get on the schedule and you can decide then when to switch your care over. I had an OB I'd never met deliver DS1 and it was HORRIBLE. That's why I did a homebirth with a midwife with #2 and will do the same with #3.

I'd also start looking into doulas very soon. Sometimes they book as well, and if you find one you like or is highly recommended, you want to get on their schedule as soon as you can.

 

[plantmama]

Never feel like you can't switch because you've already seen someone! This is truly 100% about YOU.
I had my first at a not too big teaching hospital with OBs I had never met (was planning a HB but ds was premature) and it was really great. They were also certified family friendly or family inclusive or something, which seemed to make a difference. They were incredibly supportive of natural birth and breastfeeding.
I think you have to really check things out to see if you're comfortable.

Also, if you are afraid of pain I've heard great things about hypno birthing classes, but I don't have personal experience.
Good luck!!

And I am on my 3rd pregnancy and the whole birth thing scares me a bit. It is definitely one of the most intense things I have ever experienced! But you get a baby out of it

And you feel proud for doing something hard.