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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So have to post this here before I go nuts.<br><br>
6yo DS#1 has told me about a friend of his who keeps "showing his tushie" when the kids are all getting dressed for their after-school karate class. Sounds all silly and cute, little boy keeps pulling down his underwear and laughing, mooning the kids while they get dressed.<br><br>
Okay. Fine. No biggie.<br><br>
So yesterday, after getting assurances from me I wouldn't tell anyone else, he tells me about how on the school bus home (it's a large yellow standard-sized school bus) all the other kids that were left on the bus (besides DS, there are 3, the aforementioned mooning boy and 2 girls, all 6yo) "pulled down their underwear and showed their tushies. And the girls showed their vulvas."<br><br>
Me: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/privateeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="private eyes"><br><br>
Moment of stunned silence on my part, giggles on DS's part.<br><br>
Me: So what did you do?<br>
DS: I tigered them (DS's name for when he roars and waves his hands around like a tiger flashing its claws).<br>
Me: Did you pull down your pants and show your tushie?<br>
DS: (Looking at me like I'm goofing on him) Noooo, ima (shaking his head and rolling his eyes).<br>
Me: Did the bus driver see this happening?<br>
DS: (Looking surprised at the question) No.<br><br>
So I asked a few more questions along the lines of did anyone ask anyone else to do it or tell anyone, and he says, "No, it was just natural." Yes, that's a direct quote.<br><br>
So I said nothing else. Brushed it off, kinda. But feel like there should be more ... well, direction on my part. He told me this in front of the other kids, so am assuming the assurances of keeping this a secret meant keeping it a secret from DH, or even not telling the other parents. And DH *would* be on the phone immediately.<br><br>
So what would anyone here suggest? Surely there is some advice by someone here for the absolutely drawing-a-blank among us (read: me).<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

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Um...............well...................you could...........................<br>
Ah heck, I don't know!<br><br>
Sounds innocent in a way, especialy if it is not being led or instigated by anyone. Maybe reiterating the old "respect your body, and the privacy of others" conversation might be an idea. Also stress the "privacy zones" so he understands that if any touching is going on and making someone uncomftorable that it is more important to tell then to keep a secret.<br><br>
I hope someone has better advice for you because I am drawing a blank :LOL<br><br>
MM
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
mani_m'y, thanks for the response. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
The rest of y'all, 65 views and only one answer? Unless we have a lot of blanking mamas out there ...<br><br>
Please?
 

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Yeah, pretty blank here too. If they were all comfortable with it, doing it themselves, and no one was being coerced or shamed into it. I think your son nailed it with the natural comment. And he didn't seem to feel odd about choosing not to participate in the "game."
 

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I am not sure what I would do. On one hand, he felt comfortable enough to tell you about it, but he did make you promise not to tell people, so he knew somewhere that this wasn't appropriate.<br><br>
I would just let him now that this really isn't appropriate and that he shouldn't flash his tushie in public. Kind of like he should pick his nose in public.<br><br>
That's the best I can offer!
 

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I would talk about how we behave differently in different places. The locker room is an okay place to be undressed; the school bus is not. While I don't think it's necessary to act as if his classmates are criminals or perverts or anything, let him know that you are pleased that HE was not baring his tushie on the bus.
 

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I agree with the last poster...but however I would also do the following<br>
I would write a note, and pass it to the bus driver. He/she really needs to know what is happening on the bus. Let the driver know in the note, that you spoke to DS, you have not mentioned the incident to any of the 'administration' but if your DS tells you it keeps happening, you may not have a choice but to report it to the school.<br>
Anyhow, that is what I would do.
 

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Only you know if you should do anything. But I can say "I" wouldn't do anything. Mainly because I see this as normal 6 year old, I'll show you mine if you show me yours stuff. I would NOT assume that he thinks there was anything wrong with it because he asked you not to tell. Kids aren't stupid. They can know that one parent (like dad for example) would make a big deal about something but that doesn't mean they think it was wrong.<br><br>
You might want to ask him why he requested you keep it to yourself. Sounds like he is quite astute, honest and has a close relationship with you.
 

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This is definately a tough situation. Another thing to think about, first this boy was exposing himself, then it appears he may have influenced others to expose themselves, what might the next progression be? Yes, it may very well be "innocent." But, it also may be that this child needs help & is acting out. I can appreciate that it would be difficult for your ds if you spoke to other adults about this, but it may help this child - if he indeed needs help.<br><br>
Whether or not you talk w/the other adults involved, I would definately use this as an opportunity to talk w/your ds about his body, personal space, safety, boundaries, etc. (And I love that he "tigered" in the face of this situation. Sounds like you have a great, confident kid.)
 

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Some of this is natural 6 year-old curiosity and immaturity behaviors. You do not know what type of home, values, et that these other kids live in.<br><br>
I do think you should discuss appropriate behaviors to your child and talk to the principle about what your son told you. There is a lack of supervision.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Marsupialmom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I do think you should discuss appropriate behaviors to your child and talk to the principle about what your son told you. There is a lack of supervision.</div>
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Don't know about this one. She was sworn to secrecy and, since there is no immediate danger involved, I think she should keep her promise. Now, Amy, if you could convince your son to release you from your promise enough to talk to the principal, it might be an idea to discuss it with them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
All right, now, mamas, thank you ... now we've got something to work with. Was still drawing a blank, myself ... :LOL<br><br>
Absolutely know why he wouldn't want DH to know. DH tends to overreact to everything, and we have a great many issues between us in re parenting and discipline styles. He's changing, but not fast enough for my comfort levels ... or DS#1's comfort levels (who bears the brunt of DH's very slow learning curve ... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> ... long ago I used to post about this in the GD forum, so am not rehashing it here). But DH particularly has some neanderthal ideas about children and gender identification issues (like getting mad at DS#1 for playing pretend with DD and pretending to put nail polish on her fingernails. Like that might mean DS was destined to be a cosmetologist or some such ... which would not please DH. To put it mildly.)<br><br>
Anyway, am debating in my head the part about talking to the principal. Am more inclined to talk to the bus driver about this ... am thinking that if the bus driver is aware, he can do something about it, but if the principal is aware, then what seems (like a PP called it) I'll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours type of stuff might get blown way out of proportion.<br><br>
Don't know. Am mulling it over, haven't made up my mind ... but food for thought ...<br><br><br><br><br><br>
(Off topic, but ... am not meaning to dis any male cosmetologists or anything like that ... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ... but this is part of DH&my differing ideas of parenting. If, say, someday DS were to say he would like to be a cosmetologist, I would probably say that "it's not my dream for you, but whatever is your dream is what matters." DH would definitely say "over my dead body." IYKWIM.)
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>merpk</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would probably say that "it's not my dream for you, but whatever is your dream is what matters."</div>
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I really like this! Very cool. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
You could ask the principal for a bus monitor without specifying exactly what naughty behavior your son saw. You can say, "My son reported some silly, naughty behavior on the bus and I think it would be a good idea to have an adult riding the bus with the children" and the principal doesn't need to know any more than that.
 

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I so hate to burst the "natural" bubble, but I thought I'd share a relavent story from my life because if this happened to me, I'd be on the horn to all of the kids parents and the bus driver. Not in a bad, mean way--but I take this kind of thing very seriously.<br><br>
When I was six I was raped by another (older) boy in a seemingly innocent situation where we were all showing our underware and private areas. Granted, not all kids are going to get raped and I do think that it speaks volumes that the kids were all the same age...but I also think it is worthy of note that once kids have experience and exposure to this kind of thing (even in an innocent context), it can open them up to accepting other things that may not be so spot on. For instance, in kindergarten, I showed my undies to boys behind the school at recess. Later that summer, I had no qualms about showing my undies to this boy and his brother because, hey--I had done it before and it was no biggie.<br><br>
I think it's worth a talk to the other parents just so they can have a talk about personal space and what is and isn't okay. And the bus driver REALLY needs to know because this kind of thing should not be happening on the bus.<br><br>
I understand your child told you all of this in confidence--and I think its important to maintain that. It has to be done with tact on your part and on the parents part.<br><br>
My mother never told my father about the rape. She said it would make him mad at me. The boy got counseling and I got in trouble <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><br><br>
Jesse
 

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I would most definately contact the principal, bus driver and the other parents. I certainly would want to know if my child had been a part of something like this. I was molested many times between the ages of 3-8. You can never be too careful.
 

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Also, I should have said this in my previous post - this is bigger than just the bus incident. I don't think simply informing the bus driver is enough. Since this boy is doing it in the locker room too, I think it is safe to say he is acting out at other times/places as well.<br><br>
I agree w/the other posters about informing the principal and that if my child were involved in a situation like this I would want to know.
 
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