fluff/positive thread.... What makes *your* marriage successful?
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<p>Right now honestly is sleeping in different beds. Sounds weird but with 2 littles sharing the bed with me no one was getting a good nights sleep and it was taking its toll on every one. Now don't get me wrong we will put kids to bed in the family bed and go cuddle in "his" bed and do plan to get back into the same bed when the kids are ready to move out of our bed but for right now being ok with going with what works for our family and ignoring all those that say you HAVE to stay in the same bed or your marriage will fall apart is what makes our marriage the best.</p>
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<p>#1...Unwavering committment from both of us. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>#2. Being willing to go out of our comfort zone to do something for the other, to show we care, or to help each other.</p>
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<p>#2. Being willing to go out of our comfort zone to do something for the other, to show we care, or to help each other.</p>
<p> </p>
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17,826 Posts
<p>Honestly, I think having a sense of humor has saved us more times than I can remember.</p>
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2,769 Posts
<p>1. Putting God first in our marriage makes our marriage perfect and successful.</p>
<p>2. Always thinking of the other, being respectful and not selfish.</p>
<p>3. Touching and kissing and saying I love you throughout the day, lots.</p>
<p>4. Giving each other space to do hobbies without resentments.</p>
<p>5. Looking at each other and meeting the needs without the other having to ask, just understanding each other that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My marriage is amazing!</p>
<p>2. Always thinking of the other, being respectful and not selfish.</p>
<p>3. Touching and kissing and saying I love you throughout the day, lots.</p>
<p>4. Giving each other space to do hobbies without resentments.</p>
<p>5. Looking at each other and meeting the needs without the other having to ask, just understanding each other that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My marriage is amazing!</p>
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11,576 Posts
<p>Taking time with just each other every week to talk and connect.</p>
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1,916 Posts
<p>Taking the time to connect often and listening to each other</p>
<p>Communication is the biggest thing for us to stay connected strong</p>
<p>Complimenting each other</p>
<p>Finding the humor in life</p>
<p>Having inside jokes kind of goes along with that</p>
<p>Going out together, even if all we can make time for is a drive around to the post office sometimes</p>
<p>Eating together for dinner whenever possible</p>
<p>Helping each other out, little things with us go a long way, being considerate of each other</p>
<p>Taking joy in each others successes that the other is proud of, no matter how big or small</p>
<p>Communication is the biggest thing for us to stay connected strong</p>
<p>Complimenting each other</p>
<p>Finding the humor in life</p>
<p>Having inside jokes kind of goes along with that</p>
<p>Going out together, even if all we can make time for is a drive around to the post office sometimes</p>
<p>Eating together for dinner whenever possible</p>
<p>Helping each other out, little things with us go a long way, being considerate of each other</p>
<p>Taking joy in each others successes that the other is proud of, no matter how big or small</p>
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1,133 Posts
<p>Having the same 'big picture' goals for our life, even when we don't agree on the small stuff.</p>
<p>Giving each other enough space (we are both introverts that need time to recharge alone), but also enough time spent together that we don't feel distant.</p>
<p>Thinking of each other and little things we can do to make the other one's day easier/happier (ie starting the coffeepot for spouse, picking up their favorite food at store etc).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Our marriage is not perfect by any means, but we have come such a long way in the past 3 years, from being on the brink of me leaving to being closer than we have ever been.</p>
<p>Giving each other enough space (we are both introverts that need time to recharge alone), but also enough time spent together that we don't feel distant.</p>
<p>Thinking of each other and little things we can do to make the other one's day easier/happier (ie starting the coffeepot for spouse, picking up their favorite food at store etc).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Our marriage is not perfect by any means, but we have come such a long way in the past 3 years, from being on the brink of me leaving to being closer than we have ever been.</p>
<p>Open, honest communication is the most important factor for me. At least on my end, I feel that I can tell my dh <em>anything. </em> Kindly, of course. Resentments just don't fester and grow between us because we are willing and able to hash things out.</p>
<p><br>
We were best friends before spouses, and have always shared goals, interests, humor, friends, etc. But I believe it is our communication that has helped us remain best friends throughl the challenges of marriage and parenting together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br>
We were best friends before spouses, and have always shared goals, interests, humor, friends, etc. But I believe it is our communication that has helped us remain best friends throughl the challenges of marriage and parenting together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he is emotionally mature and can talk about things, so we never fight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> he's not jealous and treats me like a partner and not a possession. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he's selfless and doesnt expect me to be his mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we are very sexually compatable</p>
<p> </p>
<p>he makes me feel loved and special</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we want the same lifestyle</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> he's not jealous and treats me like a partner and not a possession. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he's selfless and doesnt expect me to be his mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we are very sexually compatable</p>
<p> </p>
<p>he makes me feel loved and special</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we want the same lifestyle</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">This is a timely thread for me. My husband and I were just discussing areas within our relationship we need to work on. We've been together 23 years and although we are alright, in the past our relationship was much better...we need a little maintenance.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">We believe mutual respect and kindness are important. Even when you are tired or irritated with each other, it is important to remain kind and polite. Sounds simple but the alternative can make a little issue seem so much bigger. Some days it is a case of ‘fake it until you feel it again’.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">As pp’s mentioned, being able to laugh together is also helpful.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">We believe mutual respect and kindness are important. Even when you are tired or irritated with each other, it is important to remain kind and polite. Sounds simple but the alternative can make a little issue seem so much bigger. Some days it is a case of ‘fake it until you feel it again’.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">As pp’s mentioned, being able to laugh together is also helpful.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dbsam</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279336/fluff-positive-thread-what-makes-your-marriage-successful#post_16046944"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">This is a timely thread for me. My husband and I were just discussing areas within our relationship we need to work on. We've been together 23 years and although we are alright, in the past our relationship was much better...we need a little maintenance.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">We believe mutual respect and kindness are important. Even when you are tired or irritated with each other, it is important to remain kind and polite. Sounds simple but the alternative can make a little issue seem so much bigger. Some days it is a case of ‘fake it until you feel it again’.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">As pp’s mentioned, being able to laugh together is also helpful.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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<br><br><p>this is what made me start the thread. I think our strength is in our compassion for each other. lately I see it waning as we get more stressed, more tired, and, from my side, more pregnant.</p>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dbsam</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279336/fluff-positive-thread-what-makes-your-marriage-successful#post_16046944"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">This is a timely thread for me. My husband and I were just discussing areas within our relationship we need to work on. We've been together 23 years and although we are alright, in the past our relationship was much better...we need a little maintenance.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">We believe mutual respect and kindness are important. Even when you are tired or irritated with each other, it is important to remain kind and polite. Sounds simple but the alternative can make a little issue seem so much bigger. Some days it is a case of ‘fake it until you feel it again’.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:arial, sans-serif;">As pp’s mentioned, being able to laugh together is also helpful.</span></span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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<br><br><p>this is what made me start the thread. I think our strength is in our compassion for each other. lately I see it waning as we get more stressed, more tired, and, from my side, more pregnant.</p>
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2,771 Posts
<p>This is a great thread!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We give each other the benefit of the doubt. If someone makes a mistake or does something the other doesn't like, we don't assume it's because YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO DOESN'T LOVE ME AND ONLY THINKS OF YOURSELF!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mutual trust.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shared sense of humor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We make time for each other as adults, not just as coparents.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We give each other the benefit of the doubt. If someone makes a mistake or does something the other doesn't like, we don't assume it's because YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO DOESN'T LOVE ME AND ONLY THINKS OF YOURSELF!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mutual trust.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shared sense of humor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We make time for each other as adults, not just as coparents.</p>
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4,825 Posts
<p>Well, for one thing, we genuinely LIKE each other. We laugh really hard together at least once/day. We both know that we couldn't do what we do without the other. We communicate in a positive way, and have never (in our 15 years together) spoken to each other negatively or purposefully tried to hurt the others' feelings. We have very similar life/religious/political views. We can't imagine life without each other.</p>
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749 Posts
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Doodlebugsmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279336/fluff-positive-thread-what-makes-your-marriage-successful#post_16049295"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Well, for one thing, we genuinely LIKE each other. We laugh really hard together at least once/day. We both know that we couldn't do what we do without the other. We communicate in a positive way, and have never (in our 15 years together) spoken to each other negatively or purposefully tried to hurt the others' feelings. We have very similar life/religious/political views. We can't imagine life without each other.</p>
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<br><br><p>I could have written that about DH and me (but shorten it to 12 years)! So nice to read that others have similarly wonderful relationships...</p>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Doodlebugsmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279336/fluff-positive-thread-what-makes-your-marriage-successful#post_16049295"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Well, for one thing, we genuinely LIKE each other. We laugh really hard together at least once/day. We both know that we couldn't do what we do without the other. We communicate in a positive way, and have never (in our 15 years together) spoken to each other negatively or purposefully tried to hurt the others' feelings. We have very similar life/religious/political views. We can't imagine life without each other.</p>
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<br><br><p>I could have written that about DH and me (but shorten it to 12 years)! So nice to read that others have similarly wonderful relationships...</p>
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25,599 Posts
<p>What makes our marriage successful? Dh, really. He's a wonderful husband, father and step-father.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, let's see...honesty. We have some communication glitches sometimes, when I feel that I'm being very upfront and honest about what I need or how I'm feeling and it seems to be going right past him. Sometimes, that makes me feel ignored (probably partly because I have three little ones at home, and they don't seem to listen...and neither does the teenager, for that matter). But, when we do sit down to actually talk about things, he always surprises me with his insight and willingness to listen. (I'm not sure why this keeps surprising me, though!)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Humour. One of the reasons I fell for dh in the first place is because he can make me laugh. He's put a smile on my face at least once almost every day that we've been together. We've had some tough times, especially when our son was stillborn, and having someone who can make laugh, or at least smile, is invaluable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Commitment. We're <em>both</em> in this with the attitude that we'll do what it takes to make it last for life. I think that's really important. My ex didn't have it, and one person's determination isn't enough, imo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm not sure what to call it, but we also have a total lack of one-upmanship/one-downmanship or "keeping score". We just don't do it. DH honestly does more than I do, most of the time. My reproductive path has left me pretty wiped out and struggling with emotional issues, and I'm not as productive as I could be. DH doesn't hold it against me, and doesn't keep score. He and I both have the attitude that as long as we're each doing our best, there's no reason to get bent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And...my failed first marriage also helps. I've been in a marriage that was hopelessly flawed. I know what it's like to be in a place where <em>everything</em> is wrong, where I can't do enough to fix anything, and where my "partner" won't exert the slightest effort to help me or our household - it puts all the little, ordinary, everyday disagreements (you know, the "he doesnt' squeeze the toothpast right" or "he left his shirt on the bed, instead of putting it in the hamper" stuff) into perspective.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, let's see...honesty. We have some communication glitches sometimes, when I feel that I'm being very upfront and honest about what I need or how I'm feeling and it seems to be going right past him. Sometimes, that makes me feel ignored (probably partly because I have three little ones at home, and they don't seem to listen...and neither does the teenager, for that matter). But, when we do sit down to actually talk about things, he always surprises me with his insight and willingness to listen. (I'm not sure why this keeps surprising me, though!)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Humour. One of the reasons I fell for dh in the first place is because he can make me laugh. He's put a smile on my face at least once almost every day that we've been together. We've had some tough times, especially when our son was stillborn, and having someone who can make laugh, or at least smile, is invaluable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Commitment. We're <em>both</em> in this with the attitude that we'll do what it takes to make it last for life. I think that's really important. My ex didn't have it, and one person's determination isn't enough, imo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm not sure what to call it, but we also have a total lack of one-upmanship/one-downmanship or "keeping score". We just don't do it. DH honestly does more than I do, most of the time. My reproductive path has left me pretty wiped out and struggling with emotional issues, and I'm not as productive as I could be. DH doesn't hold it against me, and doesn't keep score. He and I both have the attitude that as long as we're each doing our best, there's no reason to get bent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And...my failed first marriage also helps. I've been in a marriage that was hopelessly flawed. I know what it's like to be in a place where <em>everything</em> is wrong, where I can't do enough to fix anything, and where my "partner" won't exert the slightest effort to help me or our household - it puts all the little, ordinary, everyday disagreements (you know, the "he doesnt' squeeze the toothpast right" or "he left his shirt on the bed, instead of putting it in the hamper" stuff) into perspective.</p>
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9,674 Posts
<p>Teamwork</p>
<p> </p>
<p>low expectations</p>
<p> </p>
<p>great sex</p>
<p> </p>
<p>willingness to try new things, have small adventures even if we can't travel abroad</p>
<p> </p>
<p>shared hobbies</p>
<p> </p>
<p>making the choice to stay together at every bump in the road</p>
<p> </p>
<p>low expectations</p>
<p> </p>
<p>great sex</p>
<p> </p>
<p>willingness to try new things, have small adventures even if we can't travel abroad</p>
<p> </p>
<p>shared hobbies</p>
<p> </p>
<p>making the choice to stay together at every bump in the road</p>
<p>we both feel like we are lucky that the other one "chose" us</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we might disagree and even argue, but it never involves yelling, insulting, or demeaning, etc.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we are both very quick to admit when we have made a mistake- and very quick to forgive each other</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we try to anticipate each other's needs</p>
<p> </p>
<p>it seems like we sometimes "compete" to do the little day-to-day things that make life easier for the other (starting dinner first, taking the kids outside so the other can have a few minutes of quiet time, starting dinner first, getting up with the kids and letting the other have a few more minutes to sleep, etc.)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we make it a point to spend time together as a family, even though with 3 kids we find that we are often splitting up to get things done/go places</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we talk/text/email throughout the entire day- either saying "hi", "I love you" or keeping up on details of life</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we make time to spend with each other's family, and have a sense of humor about all the "quirks"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we both have respect for each other on a professional level (this means a lot to me, particularly)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we parent our girls and care for our home equally. We each sort of have our own spheres (i.e. he pays the bills does most financial things and does a lot of outside and rough house play and most medical appointments... I do most of the clothing/home shopping and handle most school and social planning)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I love that this is a long list, and that I could kee going!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we might disagree and even argue, but it never involves yelling, insulting, or demeaning, etc.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we are both very quick to admit when we have made a mistake- and very quick to forgive each other</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we try to anticipate each other's needs</p>
<p> </p>
<p>it seems like we sometimes "compete" to do the little day-to-day things that make life easier for the other (starting dinner first, taking the kids outside so the other can have a few minutes of quiet time, starting dinner first, getting up with the kids and letting the other have a few more minutes to sleep, etc.)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we make it a point to spend time together as a family, even though with 3 kids we find that we are often splitting up to get things done/go places</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we talk/text/email throughout the entire day- either saying "hi", "I love you" or keeping up on details of life</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we make time to spend with each other's family, and have a sense of humor about all the "quirks"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we both have respect for each other on a professional level (this means a lot to me, particularly)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we parent our girls and care for our home equally. We each sort of have our own spheres (i.e. he pays the bills does most financial things and does a lot of outside and rough house play and most medical appointments... I do most of the clothing/home shopping and handle most school and social planning)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I love that this is a long list, and that I could kee going!</p>
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Doodlebugsmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279336/fluff-positive-thread-what-makes-your-marriage-successful#post_16049295"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Well, for one thing, we genuinely LIKE each other. We laugh really hard together at least once/day. We both know that we couldn't do what we do without the other. We communicate in a positive way, and have never (in our 15 years together) spoken to each other negatively or purposefully tried to hurt the others' feelings. We have very similar life/religious/political views. We can't imagine life without each other.</p>
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<p><br>
As weird as it is to yeah that in this topic, this describes what I was trying to say. Just to add, I think we help each other be our best - sometimes that means supporting slowing down or putting up with things, sometimes it means challenging each other. But in our own ways we tell each other: you're important, I believe in you, I love you - in a non-bs way like "don't gossip so much" etc.
</p>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Doodlebugsmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279336/fluff-positive-thread-what-makes-your-marriage-successful#post_16049295"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Well, for one thing, we genuinely LIKE each other. We laugh really hard together at least once/day. We both know that we couldn't do what we do without the other. We communicate in a positive way, and have never (in our 15 years together) spoken to each other negatively or purposefully tried to hurt the others' feelings. We have very similar life/religious/political views. We can't imagine life without each other.</p>
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<p><br>
As weird as it is to yeah that in this topic, this describes what I was trying to say. Just to add, I think we help each other be our best - sometimes that means supporting slowing down or putting up with things, sometimes it means challenging each other. But in our own ways we tell each other: you're important, I believe in you, I love you - in a non-bs way like "don't gossip so much" etc.
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