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So,I'm the first in my family to have a baby and among my group of friends-my sisters, cousin, and friends have asked me "are you having a baby shower? i've just said, politely, well i don't know, it's not really something i'm in charge of. funny, right? i feel slightly funny about showers, because i don't want to force people to buy gifts, but a group of people celebrating would be fun and i would appreciate help with clothes and/or diapers and the like. how to handle this?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I was wary of having one, but graciously accepted when two friends from my volunteer work offered to throw me one. I trust their style and judgment and ability to represent my wishes to others--and I'm really looking forward to it now.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>whalemama17</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14715034"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So,I'm the first in my family to have a baby and among my group of friends-my sisters, cousin, and friends have asked me "are you having a baby shower? i've just said, politely, well i don't know, it's not really something i'm in charge of. funny, right? i feel slightly funny about showers, because i don't want to force people to buy gifts, but a group of people celebrating would be fun and i would appreciate help with clothes and/or diapers and the like. how to handle this?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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I'm the same way. I've had some ask the same questions & replied just as you did. My thought is, if you want to throw me one then I'm all for it. But, I'm not going to ask anyone to do it for me. Right now it looks like I might have a couple thrown by my high school students. It could be interesting and fun.
 

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I would just say "I don't know" and maybe mention that you don't know who is throwing one yet. They may be fishing to see if anyone is planning one already.<br><br>
I keep getting asked to tell people when my baby shower is, I tell them I don't know and I'll let whoever throws me one know they'd like to be invited.<br><br>
My SIL mentioned throwing me one, and I have one other friend whom I would enjoy her throwing me a shower, but nothing is officially being planned at this point. I don't want to accidently provoke my husband's family into throwing one, because, well, it's just frankly wouldn't be any fun and it would be totally uncomfortable-it's just how they roll. (That makes me sound like a horrible ingrate, doesn't it?)
 

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I felt weird about this too. A friend mentioned a long time ago (before I got pregnant) that she'd throw me one but she hasn't mentioned anything since. It all worked out in the end though because my SIL recently decided she's going to throw it for me. DH spoke to her about it yesterday and she's totally raring to go! The only stipulation I had (and DH agreed) is that it's not just for my girl friends. We're going to have DH and his friends there too since they are also my friends, as well as some of my guy friends. I am so happy the guys want to be there too - it means a lot to me that ALL my friends be there.<br><br>
I was talking to a friend of mine back when I first found out I was expecting and told her I felt weird having a shower - I didn't want to place monetary pressure on my friends. She reminded me that a baby shower isn't for ME it's for the baby. Basically it's friends of ours getting together to celebrate a new life that we're bringing into the circle of friends. It totally makes sense and I feel much more comfortable with the idea now. It's true too - when I go to a baby shower for friends, it's about the excitement of meeting a new little person and welcoming it into the circle of friends. It's also to support the parents and let them know that we're excited for them!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>May-Baby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14715642"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I felt weird about this too. A friend mentioned a long time ago (before I got pregnant) that she'd throw me one but she hasn't mentioned anything since. It all worked out in the end though because my SIL recently decided she's going to throw it for me. DH spoke to her about it yesterday and she's totally raring to go! The only stipulation I had (and DH agreed) is that it's not just for my girl friends. We're going to have DH and his friends there too since they are also my friends, as well as some of my guy friends. I am so happy the guys want to be there too - it means a lot to me that ALL my friends be there.<br><br>
I was talking to a friend of mine back when I first found out I was expecting and told her I felt weird having a shower - I didn't want to place monetary pressure on my friends. <b>She reminded me that a baby shower isn't for ME it's for the baby.</b> Basically it's friends of ours getting together to celebrate a new life that we're bringing into the circle of friends. It totally makes sense and I feel much more comfortable with the idea now. It's true too - when I go to a baby shower for friends, it's about the excitement of meeting a new little person and welcoming it into the circle of friends. It's also to support the parents and let them know that we're excited for them!</div>
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see thats what I totally believe. Its not about asking for handouts, its for celebrating a new wonderful life. I was even thinking about maybe just having a blessingway with no gifts at all but once again the fact that I am a single mama by choice this time isnt sitting well with people so that is probably not gonna happen either since no one will probably come. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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OGP "...the fact that I am a single mama by choice this time isnt sitting well with people so that is probably not gonna happen either since no one will probably come."<br><br>
Aw, girl, I'd come! Let's see I think I'll bring a couple of meals for you to keep in your freezer and a hand knit layette in organic cotton.<br><br>
No shower for me, since around here you just get one for the first. My SIL threw me one for DS. I had nothing to do with it. It's weird that people would ask the pg mom and not one of the relatives. Who would say, "Yes, I'm having a big shower for myself. Here's a list from my registry!"???
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>theoldmommers</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14716204"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">OGP "...the fact that I am a single mama by choice this time isnt sitting well with people so that is probably not gonna happen either since no one will probably come."<br><br>
Aw, girl, I'd come! Let's see I think I'll bring a couple of meals for you to keep in your freezer and a hand knit layette in organic cotton.<br><br>
No shower for me, since around here you just get one for the first. My SIL threw me one for DS. I had nothing to do with it. It's weird that people would ask the pg mom and not one of the relatives. Who would say, "Yes, I'm having a big shower for myself. Here's a list from my registry!"???</div>
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thanks hun, thats so sweet. I love the support I get here on mdc! I dont get the shower for the first baby only rule or if they are spaced really far apart. Like maybaby mentioned EVERY baby should be a blessing a celebrated and if kids are close (like mine will only be about 25 months apart) then maybe a blessingway for the second. Cuz really I dont need much for #2, I have all the gear (except a double stroller) all I really need is girl clothes since #1 was a boy but really I wish every child had a celebration. Im not sure how dd will react in the future when she sees ds scrap book with tons and tons of pics of the baby shower and when she looks at hers there will be none.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I don't really even want one... but I'm getting two of them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> It's very much my mother vs. my MIL and they're each throwing me a shower.... DH doesn't have any sisters and this is the first grand kid on both sides, so MIL really wants to do one and isn't content with working together with my mom to plan a big one and vice versa. No one that will attend either (except for maybe a coworker or two of mine) will get us the stuff we need like cloth diapers and some baby carriers- everyone else will be getting us what they "think" we need.... lots of plastic stuff from Wal Mart. I've tried gently telling my mother and MIL about what we are registering for and why but they just don't get it... and I don't want to push the issue and come across as being ungrateful or anything.
 

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If someone asks if you are having a shower you can say "Not that I know of yet, why? Do you want to plan one?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
We stated for DS2 that we didn't need or want a shower because we already had SO MUCH STUFF but they always do one for every baby at church. So we had a small one when he was a couple months old.<br>
Nobody has mentioned anything yet for this baby but I kind of would like to have a shower. Although it may be a given because we are planning a shower for another friend who is due in February. Who knows! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jelinifer</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14716255"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't really even want one... but I'm getting two of them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> It's very much my mother vs. my MIL and they're each throwing me a shower.... DH doesn't have any sisters and this is the first grand kid on both sides, so MIL really wants to do one and isn't content with working together with my mom to plan a big one and vice versa. No one that will attend either (except for maybe a coworker or two of mine) will get us the stuff we need like cloth diapers and some baby carriers- everyone else will be getting us what they "think" we need.... lots of plastic stuff from Wal Mart. I've tried gently telling my mother and MIL about what we are registering for and why but they just don't get it... and I don't want to push the issue and come across as being ungrateful or anything.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Tricky! For this reason, I just started a registry at BRU because they have lots of wraps and organic products now as well as natural baby toiletries. You probably know that, but I was more impressed than I thought I'd be with the online selection.<br><br>
Showers...I was feeling down that I wasn't getting one! But now I am! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
It's our first, we're all spent out from the fertility treatments and yet we have zero baby supplies, so on a practical level, we could use one. But also, we went to oodles of showers over the years of trying and would love to be warmed by our own community as we celebrate the long-awaited arrival for #1. I don't think anyone will do anything too stupid. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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The only reason anyone is wanting to throw me a shower this time around, is because it's our first boy. I did have one with my second, but it was thrown by my stepmom, because my first came before she could throw me one.<br><br>
I have to say, after registering at BRU the first time 8 years ago, I'm REALLY impressed with how their selection has improved in terms of natural/organic items.<br><br>
I've already resigned myself to the fact that a lot of what I get will probably be things I'd prefer not to (plastics, Gerber, synthetic fabrics, character clothes, etc.), and I'll just smile and say thank you, hope there's a gift receipt, and remember that Walmart takes returns w/o a receipt. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
I hope to avoid as much Walmart gifts as possible by registering at Target, I know they're not much better, but I find them to be the lesser of two evils.
 

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Wonder if anyone has any thoughts about my situation...I don't have SIL who would likely through me a shower (one is across the country, the other will become a SIL in two weeks, and the other is the soon-to-be fiance of my BIL, and frankly, we don't have similar tastes..)<br><br>
My mom would throw me one, BUT my dad and stepmom have ALREADY asked if they could throw me one "so that they could be involved." I don't get along with my stepmom, and it already reeks of competition in a definitely contentious relationship between mom, dad, and stepmom. (BTW, I'm 36 years old - PEOPLE, can't we be adults?? Why am I still a pawn?)<br><br>
Anyway - my idea is to basically ask my two BFs to throw me one so that I can avoid family drama and have the shower that would suit me and my choices. I think they'd be happy to, but is that imposing?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I don't think it's necessarily imposing-that being said, even though strict etiquette says family members shouldn't throw a shower, I feel slightly more comfortable with it than a friend just because of the cost of providing food and drink etc to say, 15 people. Sorry about the uncomfortable family drama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> would it be different relative attending each shower if you had two?
 
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