[Tamee]

My fiancee has been getting on to me about getting my 11 month old daughter, Abryn, to start nursing less. He says his sister's baby, who's only a month older than ours, is weaned already so we should probably wean Abryn pretty soon. He says he talks to his family and they all tell him that I should be at least trying to wean her by now. But in my mind I was always planning on child-led weaning, or atleast until she got a full mouth of teeth. I just don't know what to tell him. I say "she'll stop when she wants/needs to" and he throws me the "if you don't, she'll nurse FOREVER!" and "it's not right to nurse kids once they're able to actually ASK you for it"<br><br>
I just don't know what to do. And I've actually been nursing her less just to make him happy as we've fought a lot lately and I just want peace in my house, and I feel kind of manipulated.<br><br>
Even though I have these strong opinions about weaning and co-sleeping (he's getting tired of her in bed with us to "no time for US") I can't seem to stand by them sometimes. We have a twin bed in the room that Abryn now sleeps on. Although I'm actually ok with that, as our bed isn't very big and all of us together on it are pretty cramped.<br><br>
Any help?

 

[Momtwice]

I would start here.<br><br><a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html" target="_blank">http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html</a>

 

[AlbertaJes]

The World Health Organization recommends at least 2 years of breastfeeding. I'd just keep telling him that.

 

[Momtwice]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AlbertaJes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7947946"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The World Health Organization recommends at least 2 years of breastfeeding. I'd just keep telling him that.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br>
And the American Academy of Family Physicians says if a child under age two is weaned, the child is at increased risk of illness.<br><a href="http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/policy/policies/b/breastfeedingpositionpaper.html" target="_blank">http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/p...tionpaper.html</a>

 

[LittleBrownDog]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tamee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7947750"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"it's not right to nurse kids once they're able to actually ASK you for it"</div>
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Agreed with everything the PPs said. And I wanted to comment on that quote- I heard it many times before I had kids and I kinda always thought it made sense <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> But then I had DD, and she was BORN asking to nurse. I have never met a baby who doesn't ask to nurse from the very start. Just because they reach a point where they can ask for it in words rather than by rooting or crying or grunting or sucking their fist, doesn't make it any less a valid need.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you, my DH went through a "shouldn't we start weaning" phase around a year too. (You like that? WE? ha) I ignored him for a while, and then a few times when I knew nursing would be a quick easy fix to whatever was ailing her, I let him to try parent her through it- He is an awesome father and sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. But nursing ALWAYS worked (well, 95% of the time). He saw that it was still something she needed and backed off.<br><br>
Good luck!

 

[Mommiska]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LittleBrownDog</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948123"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you, my DH went through a "shouldn't we start weaning" phase around a year too. (You like that? WE? ha) I ignored him for a while, and then a few times when I knew nursing would be a quick easy fix to whatever was ailing her, I let him to try parent her through it- He is an awesome father and sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. But nursing ALWAYS worked (well, 95% of the time). He saw that it was still something she needed and backed off.<br><br>
Good luck!</div>
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I think this is a great idea! It's easy for partners to advocate early weaning if they know they aren't going to have to deal with the distraught child.<br><br>
An 11 month old is still such a baby...and little ones have a need to suck well into the toddler/childhood years. I think that's because nature intended them to nurse well into the toddler/childhood years.<br><br>
Ask him why try to 'fix' something that isn't broken?

 

[mamachandi]

I would def. suggest to do your homework, get some facts ( and "if they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old to get it"..is not a fact!!) join a le leche league group and gain some support network that way- it *will* help and you will meet other moms who support ebf'ing. good luck mama-it sure doesn't make it easy when your partner is not supportive. Luckily my dh is on board but our family is another story! Whenever my family has butted in about nurising I have told them facts like the ones already mentioned...and they eventually backed off...I even had to get mean when they started making fun of the two of us.... I told them #*@%!-off<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: at a holiday party and left. they have never said another word to us, albeit... they role their eyes now, but who cares! LOL~C

 

[alegna]

Babies need to nurse for two full years as a minimum.<br><br>
-Angela

 

[Cutie Patootie]

The American Academy of Pediatrics states that babies need to be breastfed for at least 1 FULL year, your baby is not even a year yet? ...and not such a great thing about your sil's baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Tell you dh to do proper research that doesn't include his family's opinion and get back to you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> The World Health Org. recommends babies be breastfed for at least 2 years. Trust your instincts <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">, that's why you are the mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I don't understand this "no time for us" thing that everyone keeps saying. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"> Is the only time that you spend with your dh in bed? We have been sleeping with our babies for years and believe me, there are plenty of other places for "us" time that doens't include the bed in our bedroom. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> Not just speaking to you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">, I just hear that a lot. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">

 

[rmzbm]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tamee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7947750"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"it's not right to nurse kids once they're able to actually ASK you for it"</div>
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And it's not right to wean before they're old enough to communicate that either. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">

 

[DevaMajka]

ITA that babies ought to nurse until they are at least 2yo. The AAP (iirc) says that babies need full fat milk until they are at least 2yo. So why would I STOP feeding my baby/toddler (full fat) people milk, and start feeding cow milk?<br>
My dp got an earful every time he suggested weaning before ds was 2yo. It was basically just "I am NOT going to stop giving him people milk!!"

 

[lissabob]

I'd share this with your dh as well so he has some tools for handling the pressure he is under. My dh I think started getting some comments when dd turned one because he made some to me... after I explained my position and the benefits he backed off for about 18 months... He's made some comments since, usually when he's feeling frustrated about his lack of ability to calm dd. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html" target="_blank">Handling Criticism re<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bf.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bf"></a>

 

[lissabob]

I wanted to add what a load of hooey about not stopping unless you MAKE her. It's like the people who think a child will never PT unless you make them- when they are ready it will happen and it won't be a battle.<br><a href="http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing/breastvbottle/wean.html" target="_blank">some benefits of bfing broken down by age</a><br><a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.html" target="_blank">How weaning happens</a>.<br><a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/momstories/toddlers_do_wean.html" target="_blank">Toddlers do wean</a><br><a href="http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html" target="_blank">Natural age of weaning</a>

 

[merpk]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tamee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7947750"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">... and he throws me the "if you don't, she'll nurse FOREVER!" and "it's not right to nurse kids once they're able to actually ASK you for it"</div>
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<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
You can assure him that no child ever went to college still nursing.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><br>
And you might point out to him that a newborn's crying is how a newborn actually ASKS for nursing. So you've been doing that since birth anyway.<br><br>
What's the difference if they ask with crying or with words?<br><br>
Consider it an opportunity to teach them how to say "please" and "thank you." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
(For the record, my kids all weaned in the area of 3-and-change. They're b'H not exactly damaged by the experience. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">)<br><br><br><br><br><br>
Pressure from family is tough. You take care of your baby how you feel comfortable. Just smile and say, "Thanks for the advice." And then you just do what you were going to do anyway.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[PrennaMama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948921"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Babies need to nurse for two full years as a minimum.<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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ITA.<br><br>
Here's a link to a thread that has even more links with more info that you may want to show your husband, so you can "arm him" against the inquiries, comments, and judgements his family is appraently heaping on him... <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=640976" target="_blank">CLW - How does it Improve/Impede Development...</a><br><br>
He may just be reacting to the conditioning, and like anyone else that gets educated, he'll think differently once he has all the information.<br><br>
remind him that you guys are a team, and every decision you make for you dc is in her best interest, not to cater to someone's antiquated idea of what's "normal"...

 

[L&IsMama]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">. Yes,she will wean at some point before she goes off to college. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Kidding. Yes,she will wean,even if you don't make her stop nursing. Guaranteed.

 

[momuveight2B]

You don't say if he is her father or not?<br><br>
Your relationship with your daughter is permanent. I would be really worried about a fiancee who was trying to control my relationship with my children. If you give in to this demand then what comes next? He lacks the maturity to put the needs of the child ahead of his own. Your baby needs you to put her needs first.

 

[Synchro246]

There are a gazillion child-led weaning types in this world and I have never ever ever once heard of a teenager or young adult still nursing. She will wean, you don't need to make her.<br><br>
Everyone else had good points.<br>
Maybe you can tell your SO that, sorry, but your family's credentials just aren't enough to convince you in any way. Just because they believe the western social norm does not make it true, better, or correct. If he wants to convince you to wean he will need peer reviewed journal sources that indicate that it may be better to wean earlier.<br><br>
(good luck, buddy)

 

[Ks Mama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momuveight2B</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7973011"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You don't say if he is her father or not?<br><br>
Your relationship with your daughter is permanent. I would be really worried about a fiancee who was trying to control my relationship with my children. If you give in to this demand then what comes next? He lacks the maturity to put the needs of the child ahead of his own. Your baby needs you to put her needs first.</div>
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Can't agree more. This exact thought went through my head when reading OP.<br><br>
You've got to trust your instincts as a mother. If it doesn't feel right to wean your baby, DON'T DO IT. There's plenty of info so far on this thread pointing you in the right direction for research... but your gut reaction as a mother is so important.

 

[blsilva]

You've gotten some great links & advice. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br>
I just wanted to chime in with my own personal experience- my oldest actually asked to stop nursing when he was 3.5. He had been slowly pulling back from it, then just decided that he was done.<br>
At some point, they all do stop nursing. When just depends on your dd's needs.