For those who have had a loss (or more)

Sleepy - I just read Iain's story. Wow! What a difficult time for you all.

Yes, I am feeling that exact same way about this pregnancy. I keep saying, "If I'm still pregnant" when talking about the future. I don't even want to think about the fact that I may have a tiny newborn in my arms next February. I don't want to be disappointed. It's tough isn't it?

A really close friend of mine who had suffered with three miscarraiges as well said something that rang true to me. She said that I was going to be disappointed if I lost this baby whether I worried about it or not. But, if this baby holds on and I choose to worry for the first trimester, I'm the one who loses out. That helped, but it doesn't keep me from rushing to the bathroom every time I feel "something" down there. I'm scared to wipe whenever I go!! I hope and pray that this one sticks.

I also have a different feeling about this one. I can't explain it. I hope it's right!!

I had a miscarriage in February and even though I know I could not have controlled it one way or another, one of the feelings I had afterward was that it was my fault because I hadn't fought hard enough to keep the pregnancy, that somehow I hadn't appreciated it enough. So this time around, I am both consciously and unconsciously trying to appreciate this pregnancy. I am feeling really hopeful, part of which could be due to things like having a really nice triphasic pattern of high temperatures after I ovulated (which didn't happen the first time), and my symptoms are a lot stronger this time (I barely felt anything except fatigue last time).

I've been pretty busy the last week or so, but I am planning to try to find some quiet time at least once a day to focus on my growing embryo and I don't know . . . beam some positive energy at her/him. I think my friends and fam may feel wary about this pregnancy so it may be up to me and my partner to carry the initial good feelings until things really get underway.

I have been saying little things too, like "hey little person, I hope you like your new home, and I'll do everything I can to make it comfortable for you so you can grow big and strong. I hope you can stay a while." It's silly, but it makes me feel better.

Yes, 12.5 doesn't seem high enough to me either. I'm still waiting to hear if they want me to retest tomorrow. I have seen so many doctors in the last few months, I'm totally sick of them and wish my midwife could do all of this for me I had my prog. levels done a couple months ago (short luteal phase) and at 5dpo, it was only 4.5 which my OB (ex-OB!) said was "normal." Uh, yeah, right. I'm kind of surprised I was able to conceive with that kind of level. I am having a lot more symptoms the past 2 days--more breast tenderness, hunger, skin breakout--which are all signs of increasing progesterone, so that's good But I really thought at least 15, and more like 20 for 14dpo were normal

I remember checking for blood during my first pregnancy, though I'd never had a miscarriage, and have been doing the same thing this time. I hate that I worry, but it just happens nearly every time I use the bathroom. I read in Aviva Romm's book on pregnancy that she did the same thing early in all her pregnancies. So even if you don't have a history of miscarriages, I think some people do this. It's just so weird to have bleeding each month...and then suddenly not anymore.

I believe I had a very early miscarriage the month before this pregnancy and it's made me a bit more worried than I think I would have felt. But the first 3 weeks of this baby's gestation were extremely hard and stressful, so if s/he stuck around through that, I believe this baby very much wants to stay with us. I talk to the baby (both in my mind and aloud), too, just like I did with my DD. I try to tell the baby things like that we are so excited about him/her and that if s/he is able to stick around, then we will do our best as parents, and also that there's a big sister waiting who's beyond excited to meet him/her.

Good luck and sticky stickies to all of us!

Carol