for those who's DH is not AP...

Yeah on choosing your battles. If I had to choose, I'd choose breastfeeding as my fight-to-the-death position, way above CD.

I did have to work to convince my dh that circ. was NOT for our baby - it was very tied for him with being unable to explore how deeply his parents' choices (to circumcize him, and many other things) might have hurt him. He was upset by the word "intact" for a long time. But I finally said that I could not handle anyone hurting my baby, and I could never believe that circ. was necessary or benign, and that he would have to respect my feelings on that. I don't think he'd change his mind now even if he could.

I also just sometimes do things that I think are legitimately within my sphere without consulting dh. Eating organic, for example, isn't high on his list, but I do most of the grocery shopping. He washes maybe one load in five of CD's, so what's it to him, you know? Ditto buying clothes second-hand - it's an earth-friendly choice, and he doesn't buy the kids' clothes anyway.

We're both looking forward to the night when ds sleeps alone through the night (he was occasionally until all his remaining teeth came in at once.) But until then, I bring him to our bed at his first night waking, and dh is just too asleep to care.

What's that expression... it's easier to get forgiveness than permission? Not a universal rule, obviously, but sometimes just doing your thing is easier than justifying it to your partner beforehand.

ITA with the PP who said it's all about the facts. The data on breastfeeding are simply beyond dispute. When the AAP, the WHO, and just about every other professional medical association on the planet recommend nursing for a year AT MINIMUM and better yet two, then that really isn't about AP - a parenting style - it's about the biological norm for human babies.

Ditto on circ. It's biologically normal for males to be born with foreskins, just as every other male mammal on the planet is born with one (unless they're born with the defect of not having a foreskin.) The AAP calls routine infant circumcision non-therapeutic, in other words, it's cosmetic surgery.

Those are the two issues I would go to the mat for - because they're so central to the lifelong health and well-being of my babies.

I have had a lot of arguments with dh about a lot of AP/NFL subjects - mainly because I'm the one that does all the research, I feel like my opinions are better grounded. He doesn't feel like he should have to read a bunch of books and websites to be heard and respected. I think it takes a lot of communication and listening to the other person's point of view, trying to find out why he feels so strongly about something (doesn't mean you have to give in or agree, just that you have to hear him out).

Just in reading around the boards here and talking to friends, IMO a lot of men feel shut out of the parenting process, especially in the early days when the mother-baby bond is so intense. For us, it has gotten a lot better as ds has gotten older (3.5 years) and developed his own relationship and way of doing things with daddy. Responsibility helps - dh is now 100% responsible for bedtime and has been since we nightweaned over a year ago. DS doesn't want me at bedtime or if he wakes up now - only daddy!

I don't know how old your baby is, but hang in there and keep talking to dh (not just lecturing him but really trying to communicate about your feelings and listening to his). I think a lot of this stuff gets very tied up in relationship issues and issues with our childhoods. It's important to try to talk it out as much as possible.